Hag Sameach! Purim and Rosh Chodesh!

1/3/10

IT'S MARCH!
-6 months in Israel reached!
-3 months left in Israel!
-13 days to Kuma!
-2 days to Bat Yam!
-So many feelings, I don't know what to do with myself!

I'm excited because I'm moving on to new things, I'm sad to be leaving Jerusalem, I'm nervous for Kuma coming up so quickly, I'm conflicted about getting closer to going home, and I'm so exhausted from not sleeping that a part of me would honestly just like to curl up for the next week. I think in a lot of ways, I'm just not sure where I belong anymore. When I think about going home, it's hard to think about people and places in a way that goes beyond a simple visit. On the other hand, when I think about staying here, I can't help but want to go home. Where is home though? I'm a firm believer that home is where the heart is, but right now, my heart doesn't know what it wants. I want the people I love, but being with them in the way I used to would keep me from moving on. I want to be in the places I love, but I also love jumping from place to place. Perhaps to keep my mind occupied, but also just to see things and be constantly stimulated. I'm terrified of staying here because the more YC goes on, the less I know who I am, but I'm terrified of going home because I'm afraid I've changed so much that I won't be able to connect with any of the things I'm missing. I think right now, I miss being safe more than anything. I miss the old me because she was so sure of who she was, her likes, her dislikes, her dreams, her desires, her values. Now, I've become so imbedded in the gray areas of my mind that I've invented a new color! I wish I knew what to do, but at this point, the only thing left to do is to simply wait certain things out and see what happens.

Bat Yam is going to be a completely different experience than Jerusalem or Arad. Bat Yam is the ruralness of Arad with the city of Jerusalem and the complications of clashing cultures and poverty....and the beach of course. We're also going to be in close proximity to Tel Aviv and Jaffa, which adds more options for nearby adventures. Hopefully, because the apartments will be smaller, it will be easier to manage. I'm rooming with Lizzy, Ari, Shaina, Celine, and Maya (a tzofa - Israeli scout). The apartment itself will be smaller (three girls to a room instead of the usual two), but I think the group of us will be just fine.

This weekend was Purim! Okay, first, I need to explain what Purim is and why this ridiculous holiday is so important to me. Purim is the celebration of Esther saving the Jews of Persia from genocide by the hands of the evil Haman. Traditionally, we celebrated with wine, costumes, and a reading of the Megila (the scroll that records the story). Back home, the highlight of Purim, and perhaps the highlight of the entire year, is our Purim Spiel (play) where we act out the story. This sounds simple and unexciting, but Kol Ami Purim Spiels are different from anywhere else. Every year, our cantor, Mark, rewrites a musical and twists the story into a rioting, inappropriate fiasco with drag queens, jokes, and a solid dose of political banter. The first spiel I was in was my first stage appearance, and I still remember my one line that I ran up at the end to blurt out in a stage-fraught frenzy. That year was also the year of Julie's infamous gefilte fish costume, but we won't go into that... This year, Oliver was chosen for the sacrifice, and even though it's not my favorite musical, hearing the music made me tear a little. I can't explain why this night is so spectacular. It's just the perfect combination of people, mayhem, music, and performance. This year, though, I had to make due without. It was hard, but Purim in Israel ALMOST made up for it...

Purim in Israel is three nights and two days. It started with normal purim on saturday night/sunday day, and the Shushan Purim from sunday night to monday night. It goes without saying that the partying gets intense and sleep is nowhere to be found. Saturday night was an-all night costume party in Tel Aviv, sunday was street parties and another night of, um, frolicking? Finally today was Shushan Purim. There were carnivals, parades, and costumes everywhere! Ben Yehuda was incredible and reminded me a lot of Carnival in Venice. Did this make up for my home-tradition? Meh, not quite. As someone who's not too into the club scene, I enjoyed my Purim, but I still missed my Spiel family back home.

I'm off to finish packing and writing my final paper of the semester.
Endless love,
Rachel <3