Gobble?

Thanksgiving is hard, and always has been since my parents split. Since then, something has always managed to come crashing down on Turkey Day, be it emotionally, physically, or mentally. When I was little, it certainly wasn't as dramatic. I'd make tacky construction paper projects at school and bring them home to show off like a new Rembrandt, draw hand turkeys, eat till I popped, and sleep the whole next day. The family tension was there, but I tried not to notice it. After 1998, it was impossible to ignore. I'm not going to go into details in such a public venue, but in a nutshell, I began to relate to Dr. Burke's quote on "Friends" that "it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring". Last year, I opted not to deal with any of it, and spent Thanksgiving with one of my best friends and her family. It was wonderful, but something was missing. I didn't dwell on it then (remarkable for me, no?). This year, I expected to not even think about the American holiday since there were no pilgrims and indians fighting it out in the holy land. I was wrong, so very wrong.

This has been one of the hardest Thanksgivings yet, but not for the usual reasons. For the first time in my life, I found myself crying because I wasn't home with my family. I've thought about this for days, and I still don't completely understand it. I suppose though, that no matter how dysfunctional a family might be, they're still family. To really accept this fact is incredible for me. I thought I would be relieved, elated, anything but nostalgically depressed. After all, part of my reason for going on Year Course in the first place was to get away from my life. I realize now that that's not possible. I've realized a lot of things over the past three months. How much of a stupid, stubborn teenager I was during junior and senior year and how immature behavior like the silent treatment seems in hindsight, how sometimes it's easier to tell everyone, especially yourself, that you're going to feel one way about a situation in order to stay the fear of feeling the opposite, and how it's okay to feel like a child as long as you know you're capable of being an adult. Before I left, I was so excited to get away from everything I knew, and now, while I love being here with all my heart, I miss the people and places of home terribly, and I can't imagine how I could have been so ungrateful for everything back in Los Angeles.

Disregarding my homesickness though, Thanksgiving on Year Course was actually a lot of fun! Young Judaea was incredible and took us to a spa for the day followed by a huge turkey lunch. It was so relaxing and yummy and fun! That night for dinner, a bunch of us potlucked and sat around and ate and drank to our hearts desire. There was no awkwardness, no fights, just a group of jews doing what they do best on the holidays...stuffing their faces. Granted, we had to improvise since people kept showing up and our food is limited, but the spirit of Thanksgiving was there, and at the end of the night, that alone was enough to make me smile.

Right now, I'm content, if still a little down. I still envy my friends who are home from college watching the Macy's Day Parade and cooking with their families, but I'm accepting that in exchange for the occasional homesickness, I'm getting the opportunity of a lifetime, and that even during the sad times, I can still ponder and over think and gain new perspectives. What am I thankful for this year? That I'm in Israel, having an amazing time, and knowing that the people I love will always be there in every way. Happy Thanksgiving.

I hear a wind, whistling air, whispering in my ear...

For about three months before I left for Israel, I was obsessed with "Roam" by The B-52s. I'd listen to it biking, walking, sleeping, whenever I could, because it filled me with an unbelievable excitement for traveling 10,000 miles away at the end of August. Last night, I found myself listening to it once again for the first time since I arrived here. Why? Because somewhere down the road during these past three months, there have been times when I've genuinely forgotten that I'm in Israel. I know that seems absurd. With hebrew, strange foods, and Jewish life everywhere, it would appear hard not to notice one's location. Nevertheless, I found myself walking home the other day saying "oh yah, I'm in Israel, aren't I...". It shocked me to the core. When I was in Israel two summers ago, the only thing I was constantly aware of was where I was. Everywhere we went, I felt like making aliyah, and there wasn't a moment I wasn't thrilled to be in Israel. Like I said in a previous post though, I suppose this trip is extremely different. It's not nine months of constant "roaming" and seeing all the sights, it's real life. In America, I never thought about the fact that I was in America, I just went day to day. I suppose that's what's happening here. It's not so much that I've forgotten I'm in Israel, it's more that I've forgotten that I'm really anywhere. It's an odd feeling, but I think I understand it, and hopefully, more and more of that coveted Israel spirit will come back when I move to Jerusalem next week!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone and their mother is excited about moving on December 6th! I'd say me especially, but I honestly think everyone's out competing each other right now in that department. Arad has given everyone a lot to think about, a good look at life outside the big cities of Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, and Haifa, and a chance to really get to know each other since there's little to do here during free time except sit around and talk at the local pub. However, three months here has taken its toll, and we are all ready for a bustling city. That said, we'll probably miss Arad when we're overwhelmed with how much is going on and we just want to sit on a couch and watch stupid youtube videos with each other... Right now though, that is not the case, and even though we still have 11 days left, my things are slowly making their way back into my oversized suitcases.

Here's a run down of how things are going to be in J-ru:

We'll be living in more of a dormitory style where instead of having spread out apartments, we'll all be in three buildings, all within five minutes of our classes. I'll be living in a group of eight in the Beit-Ar-El complex, which is right on campus. These buildings are brand new, and we're basically testing how they work with the program this year, since in previous years, everyone stayed at the Young Judaea Youth Hostel during the Jerusalem section. We can thank our dear friend Madoff for the change...

Nothing has been confirmed yet in terms of volunteering, but if I get my first choice, I'll be working in a group home with foster kids. There, I'll be helping out with whatever they need; english tutor, babysitter, gardener, playmate, etc. I'm extremely excited. I know it's going to be incredibly challenging and often emotionally draining, but if I can help these kids in anyway, I'll be changing the course of their lives. From watching my moms work in this field, I've learned just how much people can change if given the right help and the right opportunities. I know my impact maybe small, but it will still be something, and for some kids, those of us who volunteer at the group home may be the push that sends them in a positive direction. I sound idealistic, but in my opinion, that's the best way to look at a situation.

This past weekend, some friends and I threw all responsibility to the wind and spent a couple days down in Eilat. It was GORGEOUS! While technically a tourist city, Eilat is also one of the most beautiful places in Israel. There are living coral reefs to snorkel over, dolphin coves, warm beaches, and a view of Israel, Jordan, Egypt, and Syria all from the same place. Swimming in the Red Sea is also quite the experience if you take the time to be reflectively Jewish. I went jetskiing for the first time, and it was incredible! I went out to see dolphins, practically crashed into a freighter, and had so much fun! It was so nice to get out of Arad for the weekend and sleep on the beach, and go out, and be crazy. It gave me a new appreciation for sitting in the apartment. That said, I'm still ridiculously excited for the mania of city life in Jerusalem.

One last thing I need to address. Nothing to do with Israel, but I have a HUGE announcement to make. For those who haven't found out via facebook or the grapevine...after 18 years...I FOUND MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First, some back story:

I was conceived via sperm donation in 1990. I've known about my situation my whole life, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I really started becoming interested in my heritage. I asked a lot of questions, but eventually, I had to accept the fact that I couldn't proceed until I turned 18 and all legal ties to child support were severed. On the morning of July 31st, 2009, I called the California Cryobank and asked them to contact my father. Four months later, I got the call. HE WAS LOCATED! And willing to answer any questions I had. I was thrilled. I AM thrilled! After 18 years of questions, I can finally find out so many secrets, so many answers. There are certainly aspects of this ordeal that are scary and strange, but overall, I'm so excited! There will be much more to write on this subject soon.

I'm off to Be'er Sheva for a few hours!

Happy Turkey Day to everyone back in the states!

All my love,

Rachel