31/1/10
I'M HALF WAY TO 19 TODAY!!! Why the hell is that so f'ing terrifying? I take it back, 19 doesn't scare me; knowing that I'm only a year and a half from 20 does. TWENTY!!! THAT'S SO OLD! It's funny because for my entire adolescence, the only thing I wanted was to be 23 and on my own, with a job, apartment, rent, the works. It's scary though! The beauty of this year is that despite the stress, the fear, the highs, the lows, the change, the bliss, it's wholly my life. I love not being tied down by structure, it was one of the reasons I decided to do Year Course in the first place. When I go back home, I'm going to have to make decisions about my life that I'm terrified to make, I'm going to have to deal with heaps of issues I've turned my back on for nine months, and I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that I can't just get up and fly 10,000 miles away from my life when I want to. Even knowing I still have four more months to enjoy, I can feel the butterflies creeping up in my stomach about the return home. What if I'm so different now that I can't readjust? It's been a problem for past Year Coursers, what if it kills me too? Where do I belong after college? I came on this trip thinking about Aliyah, and while I don't think that path is right for me right now, I don't know if I belong in America either. The world is HUGE! Where else could I belong? These are the things that keep me up at night. Not the stupid things that irritate me during the day, not my classes, not drama, just large, unexplainable thoughts and worries. That's how I've always been though, so it doesn't surprise me that my minds been busier than ever throughout this journey. People reading this are going to yell at me for thinking I'm old, but I beg you, bear with me!
As for today, I made incredible ethiopian clay candle sticks at work today, and added Marva penguin to the penguin troop. Lizzy may be stealing him though... Went food shopping for the week and bought a ridiculous amount of food, but I can't complain, a full fridge makes anyone happy. =D Our teacher for our Zionism and the Arts class is in South Africa right now, so we had a sub, but it was still fun. We analyzed our midterm projects (see earlier post for description), and a friend's brother came to talk about the history of Henna. I got an amazing Indian design on my hand. I LOVE IT! The night was perfect. Ate dinner, laughed with my roomie, did abs (go me!), watched Hercules, studied Hebrew, listened to Renee Flemming and Bryn Terfel, and felt utterly content with life. =D Even having to wash all the dishes people didn't do didn't bother me. I've found the perfect remedy! All I have to do is listen to "A Spoonful of Sugar" and suddenly, doing dishes is actually entertaining. Way to go Julie Andrews!
All my Love,
Rachel
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Day 152: Good food and good sleep make the world go round.
30/1/10
Last night, I passed out at 11pm. I can't even begin to describe how early this is, but I guess my body was trying to tell me something... I like that I listened to it, though, because I woke up naturally awake for the first time in months! It was fabulous! The weather being on the chilly side, I chose to stay inside, but I was productive. I made french toast with strawberries for my roommates, wrote my midterm paper, did my laundry, caught up on my tv shows, and just relaxed blissfully. Sleep and french toast just made today a beautiful day. I'm also quite proud that I've managed to steer clear of the drama that's been floating around. Not wanting to go out or stay up all night (literally) might make me slightly isolated, but it also keeps my mood content and my stress down. Maybe that makes me a weird teenager, but if that's the case, then I'm beginning to like being weird. =D
Love,
Rachel
Last night, I passed out at 11pm. I can't even begin to describe how early this is, but I guess my body was trying to tell me something... I like that I listened to it, though, because I woke up naturally awake for the first time in months! It was fabulous! The weather being on the chilly side, I chose to stay inside, but I was productive. I made french toast with strawberries for my roommates, wrote my midterm paper, did my laundry, caught up on my tv shows, and just relaxed blissfully. Sleep and french toast just made today a beautiful day. I'm also quite proud that I've managed to steer clear of the drama that's been floating around. Not wanting to go out or stay up all night (literally) might make me slightly isolated, but it also keeps my mood content and my stress down. Maybe that makes me a weird teenager, but if that's the case, then I'm beginning to like being weird. =D
Love,
Rachel
Midterm Paper
Hi Everyone! This is my midterm paper for my Genesis Parables class. I'll be turning it in tomorrow, so I'm not looking for grammar corrections or anything along those lines, I'm just interested to know what you think and what your thoughts might be on this topic. Enjoy!
Living In the Grey with Science and Theology
“I believe in the power of the individual human mind! In a child's ability to master the multiplication table, there is more holiness than all your shouted hosannas and holy holies. An idea is more important that a monument and the advancement of Man's knowledge more miraculous than all the sticks turned to snakes and the parting of the waters.” Under the influence of today’s media, Henry Drummond’s words have the power to turn the world upside down; they turned mine long ago. The greatest impacts on my ways of thinking come from plays and books. Even when life experience forces me to see a different perspective, that new opinion is often laced with the knowledge of the writers (and greatest thinkers, in my opinion) of my literary background. In some respects, I suppose I blame “Inherit the Wind” for my many years of religious confusion. After reading the mind-blowing work in sophomore year, I found myself plagued with questions I had never thought to ask in Hebrew School, the most important of which being whether or not I was genuinely religious or if religion was a strange aspect of life that I’d been thrown into against my will. After all, one does not have to be brought up with an idea or concept in order to live and breathe it later on.
Immersed in the logical and scientific air of my high school and friends, I became more and more secular until I looked forward to Shabbas services for the sole purpose of seeing friends and hearing the gorgeous music (not invalid reasons, simply not the spiritual ones I had before). Unfortunately, secularism gave way to condescending thoughts; creationists were suddenly morons who’d never taken a decent genetics class and anyone whose actions were “in the name of the Lord” were “God’s” minions with a blind purpose. Teaching Sunday School became joke – as long as the students knew enough to memorize a Bar Mitzvah service, what did it matter if they believed the stories they absent-mindedly colored in with Crayolas? The Torah itself became the biggest joke of all. Besides the absurdity that humans should need to learn morals from a book, the science behind life and current realities made it impossible to absorb any meaning from the sacred text. Two by two is a fun fairytale, but logically improbable if one wants to assume we are not all genetically and mentally stunted. Why should anyone care about deliverance from Mitzrayim when so many still wait to be delivered today? Why should a decent person take their ethics from a text which condemns homosexuality, demeans women, and has caused the death of millions throughout history? It’s jarring to think I embarked on Year Course wholeheartedly with this much cynicism flowing through my mind.
One might ask, then, why would someone with such opinions choose to take a class on Genesis? Originally, my only interest was to see the other side of my extremism and to be challenged intellectually. Since starting the class, however, I’ve been shocked to find my opinions about the Bible changing and morphing so drastically. I suppose a few things are responsible for this. The wheels first started turning when I read “Myth and Reality: The Intellectual Adventure of Ancient Man”. Music (emotion) and science (logic) have always been foes in the eyes of society. The clashing between passions for music and biology played a focal point in my life for the entire past two years. To read an article about just that, but from another person’s perspective, put me into a space where I could reevaluate my previous views. The point of view presented by Frankfort essentially states that man’s intellect evolved from daydreaming imagination to logical representations and analysis or “contemplation vs. experience”. He also suggests that the modern, technical mind-set is slightly superior because the “[ancients could not have imagined this type of thinking]”. Expecting myself to agree with that assessment, I was almost pleasantly surprised to find myself defending the importance of the emotional, instinctual aspect of life. That while logic and emotion, science and the Bible, did not necessarily interconnect, they were obvious complements to one another. People cannot survive on pure faith or pure logic. The former leads to a disconnect from reality, and the latter leads to an over-analysis of human relationships (both between humans themselves and between humans and spirituality). Today people are realizing the problems that arise from a complete immersion in the technical. One can see people’s fear and confusion in movies from 2001: A Space Odyssey to I Robot, in books from Fahrenheit 451 to Brave New World, and in the general response to certain technological breakthroughs (many were appalled last year when the Chicago Philharmonic played a special concert conducted by a robot). In many ways, people are reverting back to the “primitive” and trying to look at life in a more imaginative, sentimental way, while still trying to incorporate the brilliance that comes with certain instances of scientific logic.
I recently discovered that this view is not unlike many Jewish interpretations of the bible. Talmud Chaggiga 13b-14a states that there were 974 generations before God created Adam, and even Maimonides held that it was not required to read Genesis literally and the one was nearly “obligated to understand Torah in a way that was compatible with the findings of science”. In this view, “if science and Torah were misaligned, it was either because science was not understood or the Torah was misinterpreted.” This is a brilliant concept! It makes sense that one should use science to understand religion and vice versa. Science attempts to explain the wonders that God gave us and religion attempts to explain what science cannot understand or has not found a way to understand yet.
Personally, I am an evolutionist, but I now accept that at some point even scientists must take a leap of faith. If one pictures the world, and then slowly moves outward in one’s imagination, to the solar system, to the galaxy, to the farthest stretches of the universe, there comes a time at which one cannot picture infinity, or one imagines “white space”. It is here that it is hard to deny the existence of some supreme being, of some divine energy that created the potential for everything that exists. The world is simply too incredible, the universe too vast, to lend itself to the possibility of mere chance. Even closer to home, we can see this phenomenon in our own bodies. When one looks inside the body and analyzes all the intricate processes that go into pure, daily existence, how can one not be awed? In the fact that our bodies can heal themselves, that our brain knows when to release certain hormones and when to turn them off, that our hearts beat 100,800 times per day without missing a beat (on average), there is just as much divinity as in the Torah itself.
This is my variation on Henry Drummond. Not that thought is more holy than faith, but that each is equally important. As Drummond states later, “The Bible is a book, a good book, but not the only book.” I used to take this to mean that the Bible was a bunch of meaningless fairytales, but now I understand that as fiction novels can teach important life lessons, so can the Torah. Noah’s Ark may never have existed, but we learn the importance of the need to take care of each other through its messages. I understand that we all truly are standing at Mt. Sinai. We all live in anticipation, in hope, in fear, and for those of us who’ve been privileged enough to have our ancestors fight our battles so we could have better lives, it’s our turn to be those same fighters for others who struggle. This concept has been taught to me so many times, but with the realizations and the thinking that have come both through looking at parables and experiencing the personal change that’s come through Year Course, I now understand and feel the responsibilities with more clarity than I thought I ever would.
Still, I am in no way resolved. A couple of weeks ago, a group of friends and I went to dinner at an Orthodox household. While the discussions around the table were certainly stimulating, it was disturbing to see the opposite of my previous extremism: the people who looked at me like a disgrace to the Jewish people because I believed in Darwin’s words, the people who didn’t understand how falling in love could be more important to a marriage than the religious orientation of the couple, the people who insulted homosexuality and made me feel ashamed to be a daughter of lesbian parents even though I had never felt that way about my upbringing ever before. Being around such closed-mindedness nearly made me revert back to my old self, the me who wanted to jump up and shout how wrong they were, how they had no right to criticize people for the crime of different beliefs when none of their arguments could be proven, how it couldn’t be true that “Charedi are the happiest people on earth” when anyone born into an Orthodox or Chasidic family grows up with huge pressures to fit into a mold. When the mother of the family asked, “how can they be Jewish and not believe in Adam and Eve or Noah’s Ark?” (referring to secular Jews), I didn’t know what to say. I tried to formulate a nice response attempting to explain the concept of the cultural Jew, but I kept my mouth shut for fear of being chided again. In a religion that’s supposed to be endlessly open to questioning, Orthodox Judaism confuses me. Why bother being observant when you’re constricted by so many rules that keep you from forming an opinion about what traditions feel more spiritual to you?
In an article written by an Orthodox Rabbi, he says, “This will never change, not even if the latest scientific notion that the genesis of all the multitudes of organic forms on earth can be traced back to one single, most primitive, primeval form of life should ever appear to be anything more than what it is today, a vague hypothesis still unsupported by fact. Even if this notion were ever to gain complete acceptance by the scientific world, Jewish thought, unlike the reasoning of the high priest of that notion, would nonetheless never summon us to revere a still extant representative of this primal form as the supposed ancestor of us all.” This is unbelievably hypocritical. One cannot base one’s life on an unprovable phenomenon (God), and deny another opinion because it too is unprovable.
However, this is logic speaking. Based on human instinct, if you live by faith, it makes psychological sense to deny other opinions because if you cannot prove your own opinion, what is there to say you are right other than your own convictions? Still, the encounter with this family brought forth yet another obvious truth: when people are around extremists, it’s very easy for them to become extremists themselves (on either side).
It’s not possible for every human being to live their lives in the grey, because then no grey would exist, but it’s interesting to think of what would happen to the world if more people were open to accepting the existence and validity of other opinions. I hope that is where I’m heading now…
Living In the Grey with Science and Theology
“I believe in the power of the individual human mind! In a child's ability to master the multiplication table, there is more holiness than all your shouted hosannas and holy holies. An idea is more important that a monument and the advancement of Man's knowledge more miraculous than all the sticks turned to snakes and the parting of the waters.” Under the influence of today’s media, Henry Drummond’s words have the power to turn the world upside down; they turned mine long ago. The greatest impacts on my ways of thinking come from plays and books. Even when life experience forces me to see a different perspective, that new opinion is often laced with the knowledge of the writers (and greatest thinkers, in my opinion) of my literary background. In some respects, I suppose I blame “Inherit the Wind” for my many years of religious confusion. After reading the mind-blowing work in sophomore year, I found myself plagued with questions I had never thought to ask in Hebrew School, the most important of which being whether or not I was genuinely religious or if religion was a strange aspect of life that I’d been thrown into against my will. After all, one does not have to be brought up with an idea or concept in order to live and breathe it later on.
Immersed in the logical and scientific air of my high school and friends, I became more and more secular until I looked forward to Shabbas services for the sole purpose of seeing friends and hearing the gorgeous music (not invalid reasons, simply not the spiritual ones I had before). Unfortunately, secularism gave way to condescending thoughts; creationists were suddenly morons who’d never taken a decent genetics class and anyone whose actions were “in the name of the Lord” were “God’s” minions with a blind purpose. Teaching Sunday School became joke – as long as the students knew enough to memorize a Bar Mitzvah service, what did it matter if they believed the stories they absent-mindedly colored in with Crayolas? The Torah itself became the biggest joke of all. Besides the absurdity that humans should need to learn morals from a book, the science behind life and current realities made it impossible to absorb any meaning from the sacred text. Two by two is a fun fairytale, but logically improbable if one wants to assume we are not all genetically and mentally stunted. Why should anyone care about deliverance from Mitzrayim when so many still wait to be delivered today? Why should a decent person take their ethics from a text which condemns homosexuality, demeans women, and has caused the death of millions throughout history? It’s jarring to think I embarked on Year Course wholeheartedly with this much cynicism flowing through my mind.
One might ask, then, why would someone with such opinions choose to take a class on Genesis? Originally, my only interest was to see the other side of my extremism and to be challenged intellectually. Since starting the class, however, I’ve been shocked to find my opinions about the Bible changing and morphing so drastically. I suppose a few things are responsible for this. The wheels first started turning when I read “Myth and Reality: The Intellectual Adventure of Ancient Man”. Music (emotion) and science (logic) have always been foes in the eyes of society. The clashing between passions for music and biology played a focal point in my life for the entire past two years. To read an article about just that, but from another person’s perspective, put me into a space where I could reevaluate my previous views. The point of view presented by Frankfort essentially states that man’s intellect evolved from daydreaming imagination to logical representations and analysis or “contemplation vs. experience”. He also suggests that the modern, technical mind-set is slightly superior because the “[ancients could not have imagined this type of thinking]”. Expecting myself to agree with that assessment, I was almost pleasantly surprised to find myself defending the importance of the emotional, instinctual aspect of life. That while logic and emotion, science and the Bible, did not necessarily interconnect, they were obvious complements to one another. People cannot survive on pure faith or pure logic. The former leads to a disconnect from reality, and the latter leads to an over-analysis of human relationships (both between humans themselves and between humans and spirituality). Today people are realizing the problems that arise from a complete immersion in the technical. One can see people’s fear and confusion in movies from 2001: A Space Odyssey to I Robot, in books from Fahrenheit 451 to Brave New World, and in the general response to certain technological breakthroughs (many were appalled last year when the Chicago Philharmonic played a special concert conducted by a robot). In many ways, people are reverting back to the “primitive” and trying to look at life in a more imaginative, sentimental way, while still trying to incorporate the brilliance that comes with certain instances of scientific logic.
I recently discovered that this view is not unlike many Jewish interpretations of the bible. Talmud Chaggiga 13b-14a states that there were 974 generations before God created Adam, and even Maimonides held that it was not required to read Genesis literally and the one was nearly “obligated to understand Torah in a way that was compatible with the findings of science”. In this view, “if science and Torah were misaligned, it was either because science was not understood or the Torah was misinterpreted.” This is a brilliant concept! It makes sense that one should use science to understand religion and vice versa. Science attempts to explain the wonders that God gave us and religion attempts to explain what science cannot understand or has not found a way to understand yet.
Personally, I am an evolutionist, but I now accept that at some point even scientists must take a leap of faith. If one pictures the world, and then slowly moves outward in one’s imagination, to the solar system, to the galaxy, to the farthest stretches of the universe, there comes a time at which one cannot picture infinity, or one imagines “white space”. It is here that it is hard to deny the existence of some supreme being, of some divine energy that created the potential for everything that exists. The world is simply too incredible, the universe too vast, to lend itself to the possibility of mere chance. Even closer to home, we can see this phenomenon in our own bodies. When one looks inside the body and analyzes all the intricate processes that go into pure, daily existence, how can one not be awed? In the fact that our bodies can heal themselves, that our brain knows when to release certain hormones and when to turn them off, that our hearts beat 100,800 times per day without missing a beat (on average), there is just as much divinity as in the Torah itself.
This is my variation on Henry Drummond. Not that thought is more holy than faith, but that each is equally important. As Drummond states later, “The Bible is a book, a good book, but not the only book.” I used to take this to mean that the Bible was a bunch of meaningless fairytales, but now I understand that as fiction novels can teach important life lessons, so can the Torah. Noah’s Ark may never have existed, but we learn the importance of the need to take care of each other through its messages. I understand that we all truly are standing at Mt. Sinai. We all live in anticipation, in hope, in fear, and for those of us who’ve been privileged enough to have our ancestors fight our battles so we could have better lives, it’s our turn to be those same fighters for others who struggle. This concept has been taught to me so many times, but with the realizations and the thinking that have come both through looking at parables and experiencing the personal change that’s come through Year Course, I now understand and feel the responsibilities with more clarity than I thought I ever would.
Still, I am in no way resolved. A couple of weeks ago, a group of friends and I went to dinner at an Orthodox household. While the discussions around the table were certainly stimulating, it was disturbing to see the opposite of my previous extremism: the people who looked at me like a disgrace to the Jewish people because I believed in Darwin’s words, the people who didn’t understand how falling in love could be more important to a marriage than the religious orientation of the couple, the people who insulted homosexuality and made me feel ashamed to be a daughter of lesbian parents even though I had never felt that way about my upbringing ever before. Being around such closed-mindedness nearly made me revert back to my old self, the me who wanted to jump up and shout how wrong they were, how they had no right to criticize people for the crime of different beliefs when none of their arguments could be proven, how it couldn’t be true that “Charedi are the happiest people on earth” when anyone born into an Orthodox or Chasidic family grows up with huge pressures to fit into a mold. When the mother of the family asked, “how can they be Jewish and not believe in Adam and Eve or Noah’s Ark?” (referring to secular Jews), I didn’t know what to say. I tried to formulate a nice response attempting to explain the concept of the cultural Jew, but I kept my mouth shut for fear of being chided again. In a religion that’s supposed to be endlessly open to questioning, Orthodox Judaism confuses me. Why bother being observant when you’re constricted by so many rules that keep you from forming an opinion about what traditions feel more spiritual to you?
In an article written by an Orthodox Rabbi, he says, “This will never change, not even if the latest scientific notion that the genesis of all the multitudes of organic forms on earth can be traced back to one single, most primitive, primeval form of life should ever appear to be anything more than what it is today, a vague hypothesis still unsupported by fact. Even if this notion were ever to gain complete acceptance by the scientific world, Jewish thought, unlike the reasoning of the high priest of that notion, would nonetheless never summon us to revere a still extant representative of this primal form as the supposed ancestor of us all.” This is unbelievably hypocritical. One cannot base one’s life on an unprovable phenomenon (God), and deny another opinion because it too is unprovable.
However, this is logic speaking. Based on human instinct, if you live by faith, it makes psychological sense to deny other opinions because if you cannot prove your own opinion, what is there to say you are right other than your own convictions? Still, the encounter with this family brought forth yet another obvious truth: when people are around extremists, it’s very easy for them to become extremists themselves (on either side).
It’s not possible for every human being to live their lives in the grey, because then no grey would exist, but it’s interesting to think of what would happen to the world if more people were open to accepting the existence and validity of other opinions. I hope that is where I’m heading now…
Friday, January 29, 2010
Day 151: There's a world outside sleeping on Friday morning...?
29/1/10
For the first time in months, I woke up before eight on a weekend. Having slept till 4:30 in the afternoon last week, I think this was quite an impressive feat. At 8:45, two friends and our Madricha, Emma, started out to the community gardens to help plant trees and flowers for TuB'shvat. Even though I was exhausted, I was blown away by Jerusalem in the sunlight of Shabbas morning - something I'd always slept through before. The entire community was out and about, scurrying around to buy challot, walking around the charity stalls that suddenly seemed to pop up everywhere over night. I've never seen the city more alive. I couldn't believe what I'd been missing in my laziness! It's going to be a struggle, but I'm going to try to find a place to go every friday morning so that I don't sleep away the most amazing part of the week.
The tree planting itself was incredibly disorganized, and I'm not entirely sure we helped too much, but it felt great to be outside working with the community. Even if it wasn't my first time with such an experience, it was wonderful to watch the faces of the kindergartners who were out planting their first tree. I guess it was significant because it was my first tree planted by my own hands in Israel! Hey, it's a pretty cool mitzvah. =D
Enjoying the perfect whether, I went home afterwards, put on a summer dress, and went to the Shuk (the craziest place in the world on a Friday). Because all of the vendors are trying to get rid of their produce by Shabbas, everything is ridiculously cheap, and EVERYONE is there! I was trampled, pushed, out-bargained, and swallowed by the masses...and it was amazing. I usually shut down in crowds, but there's something about the Jerusalem Shuk that just makes me a pushy Israeli. I bought delicious Challah and strawberries to make french toast tomorrow! The day was made even better by my discovery of the yummiest and cheapest smoothie stand in an offset of the main shuk. Kind of sketchy, but soooooo good!
Relaxed for the rest of the day, and eventually made a full Shabbas meal with my roomies. All in all, the best Friday I've had in a while. =D
xoxoxoxoxox
Rachel
For the first time in months, I woke up before eight on a weekend. Having slept till 4:30 in the afternoon last week, I think this was quite an impressive feat. At 8:45, two friends and our Madricha, Emma, started out to the community gardens to help plant trees and flowers for TuB'shvat. Even though I was exhausted, I was blown away by Jerusalem in the sunlight of Shabbas morning - something I'd always slept through before. The entire community was out and about, scurrying around to buy challot, walking around the charity stalls that suddenly seemed to pop up everywhere over night. I've never seen the city more alive. I couldn't believe what I'd been missing in my laziness! It's going to be a struggle, but I'm going to try to find a place to go every friday morning so that I don't sleep away the most amazing part of the week.
The tree planting itself was incredibly disorganized, and I'm not entirely sure we helped too much, but it felt great to be outside working with the community. Even if it wasn't my first time with such an experience, it was wonderful to watch the faces of the kindergartners who were out planting their first tree. I guess it was significant because it was my first tree planted by my own hands in Israel! Hey, it's a pretty cool mitzvah. =D
Enjoying the perfect whether, I went home afterwards, put on a summer dress, and went to the Shuk (the craziest place in the world on a Friday). Because all of the vendors are trying to get rid of their produce by Shabbas, everything is ridiculously cheap, and EVERYONE is there! I was trampled, pushed, out-bargained, and swallowed by the masses...and it was amazing. I usually shut down in crowds, but there's something about the Jerusalem Shuk that just makes me a pushy Israeli. I bought delicious Challah and strawberries to make french toast tomorrow! The day was made even better by my discovery of the yummiest and cheapest smoothie stand in an offset of the main shuk. Kind of sketchy, but soooooo good!
Relaxed for the rest of the day, and eventually made a full Shabbas meal with my roomies. All in all, the best Friday I've had in a while. =D
xoxoxoxoxox
Rachel
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Double post: Day 149/150!
27/1/10
Okay, this should have been written yesterday, but I was sleepy, so I'm writing it now. Yesterday morning was a blur. I was absolutely exhausted and made my clay bird beads on auto-pilot mostly. I also christened the "woman, feed me" penguin, which I was actually quite proud of (don't ask... =)). I have this new thing where everyday I go to Yad Lakashish, I make a penguin. So far, I've made gambling penguin, fancy penguin, and "woman, feed me" penguin. We shall see who comes next!
At 3:00, we all gathered to hear the story of Esther, a Holocaust survivor, in honor of International Holocaust Remembrance Day (this is different from the Jewish remembrance day of Yom Hashoah in spring). Despite my usual breakdowns with anything Shoah related, I found myself oddly bored. The whole thing was very matter-of-fact, but in a way that breezed through everything so quickly that it didn't leave an impact. Perhaps that was just my impression, but after hearing many similar speakers, I expected to feel more. That's sounds absolutely horrible reading it over, but I promised to tell the truth in this blog, so that's what I'm aiming to do.
On a happier note, that night, we also celebrated Tu'Bshvat (the new year of the trees) with a beautiful seder with fruits and nuts and lots and lots of Prigot (the best juice in the entire world!). For those who don't know, Tu'Bshvat is the traditional celebration of trees and what they've given mankind throughout history. Today, it also functions as the Jewish Earth Day, and, as we will be doing tomorrow, it is customary to plant a tree for the next generation. I like this idea a lot...it means I get two Earth Days every year! =D
28/1/10
Now for today...
This morning was wonderful! I got to work and got to learn a new project! I can now make intricate bird candle holders. Well, it's technically a work in progress, but I'll get there for sure by the end of next week. It always amuses me how similar little children and the elderly are. In an effort to organize the workshop more effectively, we were trying to move people's work stations so that everyone with a similar art skill was sitting next to each other. You would not believe the temper tantrums that ensued! There were even a couple who said that if they were forced to move, they would never come back! The drama of it all made me feel like I was working in a kindergarten and I was asking two kids to switch cubby holes. Despite the drasticness of it all, my coordinator and I got quite the kick out of the whole episode.
Ulpan (hebrew class) was oddly fun today. We were all so punch drunk that we laughed with each other for two hours, learned some ridiculous kid songs, and Dan and I did the Can-Can in our chairs (much to our Morah's despair...). I think that's the first ulpan I've had that much fun in. I can only hope for repeat occurrences! Genesis parables was spent working on our midterm (which I may be working on for the rest of my life...). Until now, I didn't realize how much time had gone by since I'd last written a legitimate paper. Scarily enough, I think my last real paper was my analysis of Patty Hearst in junior year. That was a year and a half ago... Getting back into the groove is definitely a challenge, but I like it in a way. I missed the process of putting real effort into a great paper, and now I have it again! It's the most open-ended assignment I've ever received, but I didn't expect to much else from such an open-ended class. We have 4-5 pages to assess a topic relating to our class that through us for a loop and made us think. I'm looking at how my opinions on the fusion of Judaism and science have changed over the past two months and how I think they may continue to change. I might post my paper later this weekend, I have to think about it. It certainly sums up a lot of self-development since the start of Year Course. It's kind of weird to write though. You don't realize how much you've changed until you start looking at a specific opinion and how it's changed. I don't know how to describe exactly how I'm different, but what I do know is that I'm less cynical, more open to opposing ideas, and have a much better sense of self.
On that sense of self note, why can't it just be acceptable that I don't really like going out and getting shit-faced/being around shit-faced people at night? Why does there have to be pressure? I appreciate that my friends want me to come out, but I feel so out of place and so awkward and so not myself whenever I'm in those situations. I don't know how to describe why, I just know that every time I go out, I end up coming back early (12:30 is early) and not really knowing why I went out. I have some fun in the moment, but I'm very much of a homebody, and when I do go out at night, I prefer it to be to theatre or to a nice restaurant or something along those lines. Going to see "My Fair Lady" in February, so excited!!!! Am I being hopelessly anti-social or is it okay that I just don't feel like going out? =( [p.s. I'd actually love a response on that question if anyone wants to reply...].
Now it's back to my midterm writing, more nerdy reading, some Snood, some American Idol, many emails, and zzzzzzzz. =D
More love than you know,
Rachel <3
Okay, this should have been written yesterday, but I was sleepy, so I'm writing it now. Yesterday morning was a blur. I was absolutely exhausted and made my clay bird beads on auto-pilot mostly. I also christened the "woman, feed me" penguin, which I was actually quite proud of (don't ask... =)). I have this new thing where everyday I go to Yad Lakashish, I make a penguin. So far, I've made gambling penguin, fancy penguin, and "woman, feed me" penguin. We shall see who comes next!
At 3:00, we all gathered to hear the story of Esther, a Holocaust survivor, in honor of International Holocaust Remembrance Day (this is different from the Jewish remembrance day of Yom Hashoah in spring). Despite my usual breakdowns with anything Shoah related, I found myself oddly bored. The whole thing was very matter-of-fact, but in a way that breezed through everything so quickly that it didn't leave an impact. Perhaps that was just my impression, but after hearing many similar speakers, I expected to feel more. That's sounds absolutely horrible reading it over, but I promised to tell the truth in this blog, so that's what I'm aiming to do.
On a happier note, that night, we also celebrated Tu'Bshvat (the new year of the trees) with a beautiful seder with fruits and nuts and lots and lots of Prigot (the best juice in the entire world!). For those who don't know, Tu'Bshvat is the traditional celebration of trees and what they've given mankind throughout history. Today, it also functions as the Jewish Earth Day, and, as we will be doing tomorrow, it is customary to plant a tree for the next generation. I like this idea a lot...it means I get two Earth Days every year! =D
28/1/10
Now for today...
This morning was wonderful! I got to work and got to learn a new project! I can now make intricate bird candle holders. Well, it's technically a work in progress, but I'll get there for sure by the end of next week. It always amuses me how similar little children and the elderly are. In an effort to organize the workshop more effectively, we were trying to move people's work stations so that everyone with a similar art skill was sitting next to each other. You would not believe the temper tantrums that ensued! There were even a couple who said that if they were forced to move, they would never come back! The drama of it all made me feel like I was working in a kindergarten and I was asking two kids to switch cubby holes. Despite the drasticness of it all, my coordinator and I got quite the kick out of the whole episode.
Ulpan (hebrew class) was oddly fun today. We were all so punch drunk that we laughed with each other for two hours, learned some ridiculous kid songs, and Dan and I did the Can-Can in our chairs (much to our Morah's despair...). I think that's the first ulpan I've had that much fun in. I can only hope for repeat occurrences! Genesis parables was spent working on our midterm (which I may be working on for the rest of my life...). Until now, I didn't realize how much time had gone by since I'd last written a legitimate paper. Scarily enough, I think my last real paper was my analysis of Patty Hearst in junior year. That was a year and a half ago... Getting back into the groove is definitely a challenge, but I like it in a way. I missed the process of putting real effort into a great paper, and now I have it again! It's the most open-ended assignment I've ever received, but I didn't expect to much else from such an open-ended class. We have 4-5 pages to assess a topic relating to our class that through us for a loop and made us think. I'm looking at how my opinions on the fusion of Judaism and science have changed over the past two months and how I think they may continue to change. I might post my paper later this weekend, I have to think about it. It certainly sums up a lot of self-development since the start of Year Course. It's kind of weird to write though. You don't realize how much you've changed until you start looking at a specific opinion and how it's changed. I don't know how to describe exactly how I'm different, but what I do know is that I'm less cynical, more open to opposing ideas, and have a much better sense of self.
On that sense of self note, why can't it just be acceptable that I don't really like going out and getting shit-faced/being around shit-faced people at night? Why does there have to be pressure? I appreciate that my friends want me to come out, but I feel so out of place and so awkward and so not myself whenever I'm in those situations. I don't know how to describe why, I just know that every time I go out, I end up coming back early (12:30 is early) and not really knowing why I went out. I have some fun in the moment, but I'm very much of a homebody, and when I do go out at night, I prefer it to be to theatre or to a nice restaurant or something along those lines. Going to see "My Fair Lady" in February, so excited!!!! Am I being hopelessly anti-social or is it okay that I just don't feel like going out? =( [p.s. I'd actually love a response on that question if anyone wants to reply...].
Now it's back to my midterm writing, more nerdy reading, some Snood, some American Idol, many emails, and zzzzzzzz. =D
More love than you know,
Rachel <3
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Day 148: The West Bank, Bat Yam Orientation, Failed Black Beans, and Amazing Quesadillas
26/1/10
Oy, where to start...
Today was Tuesday, and as such, we headed off on our weekly field trip. This week, we headed into the forbidden as we visited K'far Etzion in the West Bank (moms, please don't freak out and kill Young Judaea...). The entire experience was wholly unexpected. Despite knowing how close everything in Israel is to each other, it was slightly unnerving to know that one of the most dangerous places in the country was only 20 minutes away from our home in Baka. Getting there was even more surreal. At 9:00, we boarded a bullet-proof bus (evident from the eerie bullet dents in the sides) and headed east. After about 15 minutes, we passed the security check point. Before today, my image of the border patrol into Gaza and the West Bank was a sparse area with barbed wire, guns, and terrified-looking soldiers. Almost even more creepily than my imagination, the actual thing is simply a toll-boothesque station on the side of a main road with normal city directional signs. You stop, the guards interview the driver and search the bus, and you are allowed through. That's it! It was probably a little easier for us since we were clearly Americans on a program, but it was still odd. Passing through the check point, we could look out the window to a view of the dividing wall (aka the security fence). This recent addition to the West Bank separates a group of Arab settlements from a group of Jewish settlements and has been a huge issue of political controversy throughout the world since its establishment.
Now, to the actual settlement... K'far Etzion is located south of Jerusalem in what was originally Arab territory during the War of Independence. It's up on a hill that also played home to three other settlements/kibbutzim and is otherwise surrounded by Arab villages. Since its original establishment in the early 1900s, it has traded hands many times, cost hundreds of lives, and is now a tragic symbol of Jewish pride. Despite its sad history, however, it holds an important place in history as the settlement which Ben Gurion named the reason Jerusalem ended in Jewish hands. Whether or not this is valid is questionable...
Today, K'far Etzion has been reestablished under the Magen David and serves as a living Kibbutz and as a museum/memorial to its previous members. Upon arrival, we walked through classic January fog/rain and into a movie theatre where we learned about the place's history. We looked into the bunker where the last defenders were blown out with grenades and drove past where a small platoon of help from Jerusalem had been ambushed by nearby Arab villages. Lastly, we sat and discussed and argued (like good little Jews...) about the moralities involved in the decision to fight when you know you're going to lose. I had issues with this section. Our tour guide seemed determined to get us to swear we would die for Israel in a heartbeat, but for me and many others, the decision wasn't so clear-cut. I would probably be willing to risk my life in a situation where winning was a possibility, but I don't know if I would be willing to stay to protect a minor settlement when Jerusalem was also under siege nearby. I suppose it's a difficult hypothetical question and I really have no idea what I would do in the moment, but I don't see myself sacrificing my life for mere pride and stubbornness. For a cause/country? Maybe.
We spent the afternoon in orientation for the third semester of Year Course: BAT YAM! Bat Yam is a small, poor city just outside Tel Aviv. A 10 minute bus ride from the main city and a 20 minute walk from the Mediterranean, it's the ideal location for spring. =D Ironically, it's also the section that most needs our volunteering time. Bat Yam is an extremely impoverished town with very little education. Most of us will be teaching English in various schools to aid the students in the process of moving out of their present conditions. While certainly a fulfilling path, however, I'm leaning towards something a little different. Ideally (if Kuma scheduling allows), I'd love to be accepted to the MDA program (Magein David Adom - EMTs)! Science and medicine are deep passions (just as deep as music), and the experience of working as a basic EMT sounds mind-blowing! That said, it's very possible that I will not be able to complete the course due to being in Poland, so my second choice is the SPCA pound. I doubt anyone reading this doesn't know what the SPCA is, but just incase, it means I'd be working with abused cats, dogs, and other animals; cleaning cages, walking puppies, and assisting in rehabilitation. Oh, my Zooie heart bursts at the thought!
My deepest apologies to Julie, but I completely failed at making the first bag of black beans you sent me. =( Can someone please send me fool-proof instructions, because I WAS SO MAD!!!!!!!! On the bright side, all was made better with the realization that I could make cheese quesadillas in the panini maker. Good call. SO TASTY!
All my love,
Rachel
P.S. Being a total nerd and starting "Darwin and the Barnacle" tonight. Yah. Even I have no comment for myself... =D
Oy, where to start...
Today was Tuesday, and as such, we headed off on our weekly field trip. This week, we headed into the forbidden as we visited K'far Etzion in the West Bank (moms, please don't freak out and kill Young Judaea...). The entire experience was wholly unexpected. Despite knowing how close everything in Israel is to each other, it was slightly unnerving to know that one of the most dangerous places in the country was only 20 minutes away from our home in Baka. Getting there was even more surreal. At 9:00, we boarded a bullet-proof bus (evident from the eerie bullet dents in the sides) and headed east. After about 15 minutes, we passed the security check point. Before today, my image of the border patrol into Gaza and the West Bank was a sparse area with barbed wire, guns, and terrified-looking soldiers. Almost even more creepily than my imagination, the actual thing is simply a toll-boothesque station on the side of a main road with normal city directional signs. You stop, the guards interview the driver and search the bus, and you are allowed through. That's it! It was probably a little easier for us since we were clearly Americans on a program, but it was still odd. Passing through the check point, we could look out the window to a view of the dividing wall (aka the security fence). This recent addition to the West Bank separates a group of Arab settlements from a group of Jewish settlements and has been a huge issue of political controversy throughout the world since its establishment.
Now, to the actual settlement... K'far Etzion is located south of Jerusalem in what was originally Arab territory during the War of Independence. It's up on a hill that also played home to three other settlements/kibbutzim and is otherwise surrounded by Arab villages. Since its original establishment in the early 1900s, it has traded hands many times, cost hundreds of lives, and is now a tragic symbol of Jewish pride. Despite its sad history, however, it holds an important place in history as the settlement which Ben Gurion named the reason Jerusalem ended in Jewish hands. Whether or not this is valid is questionable...
Today, K'far Etzion has been reestablished under the Magen David and serves as a living Kibbutz and as a museum/memorial to its previous members. Upon arrival, we walked through classic January fog/rain and into a movie theatre where we learned about the place's history. We looked into the bunker where the last defenders were blown out with grenades and drove past where a small platoon of help from Jerusalem had been ambushed by nearby Arab villages. Lastly, we sat and discussed and argued (like good little Jews...) about the moralities involved in the decision to fight when you know you're going to lose. I had issues with this section. Our tour guide seemed determined to get us to swear we would die for Israel in a heartbeat, but for me and many others, the decision wasn't so clear-cut. I would probably be willing to risk my life in a situation where winning was a possibility, but I don't know if I would be willing to stay to protect a minor settlement when Jerusalem was also under siege nearby. I suppose it's a difficult hypothetical question and I really have no idea what I would do in the moment, but I don't see myself sacrificing my life for mere pride and stubbornness. For a cause/country? Maybe.
We spent the afternoon in orientation for the third semester of Year Course: BAT YAM! Bat Yam is a small, poor city just outside Tel Aviv. A 10 minute bus ride from the main city and a 20 minute walk from the Mediterranean, it's the ideal location for spring. =D Ironically, it's also the section that most needs our volunteering time. Bat Yam is an extremely impoverished town with very little education. Most of us will be teaching English in various schools to aid the students in the process of moving out of their present conditions. While certainly a fulfilling path, however, I'm leaning towards something a little different. Ideally (if Kuma scheduling allows), I'd love to be accepted to the MDA program (Magein David Adom - EMTs)! Science and medicine are deep passions (just as deep as music), and the experience of working as a basic EMT sounds mind-blowing! That said, it's very possible that I will not be able to complete the course due to being in Poland, so my second choice is the SPCA pound. I doubt anyone reading this doesn't know what the SPCA is, but just incase, it means I'd be working with abused cats, dogs, and other animals; cleaning cages, walking puppies, and assisting in rehabilitation. Oh, my Zooie heart bursts at the thought!
My deepest apologies to Julie, but I completely failed at making the first bag of black beans you sent me. =( Can someone please send me fool-proof instructions, because I WAS SO MAD!!!!!!!! On the bright side, all was made better with the realization that I could make cheese quesadillas in the panini maker. Good call. SO TASTY!
All my love,
Rachel
P.S. Being a total nerd and starting "Darwin and the Barnacle" tonight. Yah. Even I have no comment for myself... =D
Monday, January 25, 2010
Day 147: The Art of Storytelling
25/1/10
Today, as I sat at my work station making clay bird beads, I began to study the process of how the clay is smoothed. It's surprisingly delicate; too much water on your fingers and the clay falls apart, too little and the design smudges. That theme stuck with me in Genesis class today when we looked at the art of story telling and how details and embellishments can both compliment and hurt. In the movie we watched, "Smoke Signals", Thomas is asked if he wants to here the true versions of a life story or the lies. He replies "I'd like both". I think most people want both as well. Most completely true stories are slightly dull, but a completely fictional story holds no meaning. Even fiction novels, while in unreal circumstances, hold universal morals and values in their pages that communicate with the reader. This balance of truth and lies, too much and too little, the perspective of now and hindsight, all hit me today as I was sitting down to write this blog. The truth of this whole blogging thing is that I could make up complete bull, and it would be no different than the exact word for word truth because it's MY story. That said, I DID NOT make these things up... The point being that with every telling of a story, there is always balance because the story has to be told from the perspective of the person telling it. Obvious, I know, but still enlightening. It makes me happy to know that opinions change over time, and thus, my story changes over time. Reading these blog entries over is a little trippy to be honest. It's a bit like reading a diary you wrote a decade ago and remembering yourself when you wrote it. That was today's experience. A wonderful day of thinking, friends, sleep, laughing, and MORE DISNEY MOVIES!!!!!!!!!
Endless Love,
Rachel
Today, as I sat at my work station making clay bird beads, I began to study the process of how the clay is smoothed. It's surprisingly delicate; too much water on your fingers and the clay falls apart, too little and the design smudges. That theme stuck with me in Genesis class today when we looked at the art of story telling and how details and embellishments can both compliment and hurt. In the movie we watched, "Smoke Signals", Thomas is asked if he wants to here the true versions of a life story or the lies. He replies "I'd like both". I think most people want both as well. Most completely true stories are slightly dull, but a completely fictional story holds no meaning. Even fiction novels, while in unreal circumstances, hold universal morals and values in their pages that communicate with the reader. This balance of truth and lies, too much and too little, the perspective of now and hindsight, all hit me today as I was sitting down to write this blog. The truth of this whole blogging thing is that I could make up complete bull, and it would be no different than the exact word for word truth because it's MY story. That said, I DID NOT make these things up... The point being that with every telling of a story, there is always balance because the story has to be told from the perspective of the person telling it. Obvious, I know, but still enlightening. It makes me happy to know that opinions change over time, and thus, my story changes over time. Reading these blog entries over is a little trippy to be honest. It's a bit like reading a diary you wrote a decade ago and remembering yourself when you wrote it. That was today's experience. A wonderful day of thinking, friends, sleep, laughing, and MORE DISNEY MOVIES!!!!!!!!!
Endless Love,
Rachel
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Day 146: A Package, a Sad Goodbye, some Freaky Thoughts!
24/1/10
Holy crap! We got our schedule for this week, and this Wednesday, we're having our orientation for the Bat Yam semester. THAT'S RIDICULOUS!!!!!! Arad went on and on for years, and Jerusalem is already on its way out! How did this happen????? I suppose I should be happy since I'm struggling with so much, but in a lot of ways, no matter how much I may bitch about hard times, being here, on an abroad gap year, is amazing, and a part of me can't believe its more than half way over. Leaving Year Course is going to be so surreal that I'm a little scared of going home. I've heard from past Year Coursers that you don't realize how much you change on Year Course until you go home and see that you don't fit into your old world in any way shape or form...THAT'S F'ING SCARY! Hopefully, though, my little trip home in two months will help me get an idea of what the summer's going to be like, especially since I will have gone through Kuma the week before hand. AAAAHHH!
Today was made especially fun by the arrival of Julie's package! I am now the happy owner of two cans of Ugly Mug hot cocoa, two bags of tortillas, two bags of black beans, two boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese, and fantastic photos of the people I love and miss. I can't decide which item makes me happiest! The photos now postered next to my bed make my heart smile, but the fabulous burrito I had for dinner tonight makes my tummy smile, and they are always competing with each other... I feel very lucky to have such amazing photos though. I love that I can glance over and see memories with the most incredible people I know! I may not make friends easily, but the close ones are with me forever. I LOVE YOU: MISCHE, KEVIN, MELISSA, JUDY, MAX, GUILIANA, AND MIREILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also think it's fabulous that so many of these memories revolve around high school; that I remember high school with endless love instead of the hatred felt by so many people here. Zoo = LOVE! <3
Sadly, today I also had to say goodbye to a new friend. My roommates best friend has been visiting these past couple weeks, and as she goes to Oberlin and is a theatre techie, we hit it off great. It feels nice to know that I'll know someone at school next year though! Safe trip home, Carolyn!
This morning, my friend/roommate Rebecca started working at Yad Lakashish with me! It's a lot of fun, and I think it'll be great for her since she was having issues at her old volunteering. It's so much fun to work with her! Yay Gabo!
All in all, a very good day. I LOVE loving the week more than the weekends. I think it reaffirms my love of doing things, and screams at me that I need to get my sleepy as* out of bed on Shabbat, even if it's just for a walk down the street.
All my love,
Rachel
Holy crap! We got our schedule for this week, and this Wednesday, we're having our orientation for the Bat Yam semester. THAT'S RIDICULOUS!!!!!! Arad went on and on for years, and Jerusalem is already on its way out! How did this happen????? I suppose I should be happy since I'm struggling with so much, but in a lot of ways, no matter how much I may bitch about hard times, being here, on an abroad gap year, is amazing, and a part of me can't believe its more than half way over. Leaving Year Course is going to be so surreal that I'm a little scared of going home. I've heard from past Year Coursers that you don't realize how much you change on Year Course until you go home and see that you don't fit into your old world in any way shape or form...THAT'S F'ING SCARY! Hopefully, though, my little trip home in two months will help me get an idea of what the summer's going to be like, especially since I will have gone through Kuma the week before hand. AAAAHHH!
Today was made especially fun by the arrival of Julie's package! I am now the happy owner of two cans of Ugly Mug hot cocoa, two bags of tortillas, two bags of black beans, two boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese, and fantastic photos of the people I love and miss. I can't decide which item makes me happiest! The photos now postered next to my bed make my heart smile, but the fabulous burrito I had for dinner tonight makes my tummy smile, and they are always competing with each other... I feel very lucky to have such amazing photos though. I love that I can glance over and see memories with the most incredible people I know! I may not make friends easily, but the close ones are with me forever. I LOVE YOU: MISCHE, KEVIN, MELISSA, JUDY, MAX, GUILIANA, AND MIREILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also think it's fabulous that so many of these memories revolve around high school; that I remember high school with endless love instead of the hatred felt by so many people here. Zoo = LOVE! <3
Sadly, today I also had to say goodbye to a new friend. My roommates best friend has been visiting these past couple weeks, and as she goes to Oberlin and is a theatre techie, we hit it off great. It feels nice to know that I'll know someone at school next year though! Safe trip home, Carolyn!
This morning, my friend/roommate Rebecca started working at Yad Lakashish with me! It's a lot of fun, and I think it'll be great for her since she was having issues at her old volunteering. It's so much fun to work with her! Yay Gabo!
All in all, a very good day. I LOVE loving the week more than the weekends. I think it reaffirms my love of doing things, and screams at me that I need to get my sleepy as* out of bed on Shabbat, even if it's just for a walk down the street.
All my love,
Rachel
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Day 145: Seeing past "The Holy City"
23/1/10
Much better day than yesterday! Slept longer than I wanted to...15 hours....but I did get out the house for a great walk, and spent the most relaxing time reading in a nearby park. There, I came to the realization that perhaps I've been too hard on my expectations for Jerusalem. Mostly, I've been disappointed because I haven't felt the same spark of Jewish identity that I felt during my first visit in 2008, however, sitting in the park, I realized that Jerusalem's not just a city to give people the "special spark" that most tourists come looking for. Jerusalem is also a city of small neighborhoods and families who are all just trying to live day to day. I suppose it's very similar to my life in Los Angeles. Thousands of people come to L.A. every year because of its famed reputation, but most of my friends and family really don't care at all about Hollywood and are mainly occupied with living day to day - just like the Jews who live in Jerusalem. I felt much more at home after seeing this, and now, instead of having expectations every time I walk out the door, I'm just going to watch the people. I'm really liking this process of losing expectations. =D
Now though, it is late and freezing, and it is time to snuggle up in bed and watch a movie.
Endless love,
Rachel
Friday, January 22, 2010
Day 144: "Mama always told me there'd be days like this"
22/1/10
Years ago, this title quote was on the cover of "New Moon" magazine. I was little when I read it, but this quote has always stuck with me throughout my life. Everyone knows the feeling; the days when you just want to curl up, drink hot cocoa, and watch Disney movies. That was today. I don't know what happened, or even if it was anything specific, but today was just one of those days.
Despite everything incredible that this year has given me so far, I can't ignore the fact that most of the time, it's really really really difficult to be here. Most of you know that a couple years ago, the idea of leaving everything comfortable behind for a bunch of strangers would have sent me over the edge. The truth is, while I'm not as much of a social pariah as I used to be, I still have a ridiculously hard time making friends, and even when I'm comfortable around people in groups, it takes years for me to become genuinely close to someone. Because of this, there are many days when I find myself wondering whatever possessed me to do this and what my life would be like if I had simply gone to university. This whole lifestyle is so different from anything I've ever grown used to, especially in the past four years. Going from feeling at home in my tiny Zoo family to feeling lost in a sea of new everythings is incredibly overwhelming at times, and I can't say I'm not excited to go home in June. I will miss things, places, people, but at the end of the day, it will definitely feel great to go home to everyone I love with new insights and endless hugs and kisses. That said, please send cyber hugs after reading this! I need them badly! =(
Ahavah sheli,
Rachel
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day 143: Hadassah and Eggplant Parmesan
21/1/10
It's Thursday! This has been the fastest week ever. I realize I never explained how the weeks work here...
Our Sunday is the American Monday. We go to work Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and then our weekend is Friday and Saturday (because of Shabbas). Tuesdays we go on Siyur (field trip) to different places around the country. Thus, I am now celebrating TGIT!
Today is my second day of my everyday blog entries. Going strong! ;)
Big things actually did happen today, though, so I have much to talk about.
Silly, but happy accomplishment of the day: I successfully made eggplant parmesan without a recipe and having never made it before. I am so full, so happy, and so proud! Ah, cheesy wondrous dinner, how you soothe the soul....
On a more serious note though, today, we hosted members of the National Board of Hadassah. The sole sponsor of Young Judaea, the members came to talk to Year Course participants and see the new campus (because of Madoff, we moved from the original campus near Mt. Scopus to our new location in Baka). While I appreciate everything Hadassah has done and currently does for Young Judaea, I found it very unsettling that we were being forced to put on aires and pretend that Year Course is different than it is. I say different rather than better because the idea of what Hadassah receives is simply different from reality, not necessarily better. In preparation for their arrival, two apartments were completely redone - new paint, framed Hadassah photos on the walls, and Tanachs on the tables. This is not Year Course, and I find it sad that we have to hide behind the ideals that Hadassah wants to see in order to impress them. Year Course is not a bunch of perfect Jews living in hotel rooms. We are a strong, but acceptably flawed, group of teenagers living in college apartments on a year abroad. We do not hang pictures of our sponsors on the walls and we do not sit around reading the Torah all day long. Before meeting the Hadassah members, a group of us were also coached in what to say and do. "Big smiles, you love Year Course, you love Hadassah, you're full of energy, and you're honored to see them". Truth: most of us do love Year Course and are incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be here. Lie: Year Course is perfect, we have no issues, and we're constantly thinking about how lucky we are to have Hadassah. I don't have issues with Hadassah itself, I simply have issues with how the two organizations deal with each other. I think it would be better for Year Course and Hadassah if representatives would come and really listen to us - the compliments and the complaints. They'd know who we are outside of our family legacies and we'd appreciate the fact that they truly care about us outside of a perfect image. That said, I really hope no one from Hadassah is reading my blog because I'll probably get my head chopped off tomorrow...
The rest of the day was fun, but standard. Volunteering, class, and fun times with friends. I went to the doctor as well, but Israeli doctors frustrate me beyond anything else in this world, so I'm not going to talk about that. =D
Ani ohevet atem b'America,
Rachel
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
See a World in a Grain of Sand
I'm going to try a new blogging strategy of actually treating this like a journal and writing an entry every day. Looking back, even when I think nothing interesting happened on a certain day, I somehow always end up with things to think about when I'm in bed. Hence, something interesting must have happened, or at least something thought provoking. So, day 1 of my new goal starts right now! For this entry, because I haven't written in a couple weeks and I have a lot to say, I'm going to try to break it down into sections so I don't stray too off topic.
Packages:
Yesterday after dinner, a few friends, a bunch of volunteers, and myself made care packages for "lone soldiers". These are recent Olim (immigrants) who've come to Israel, joined the army, and have no family to go home to on leave, or to receive presents from on Jewish holidays. This may seem like a superficial volunteer project considering all the issues in Israel, but in reality, "lone soldiers" make up a huge percentage of the Israeli army and after talking to several about how much a simple package can mean to them and how simple gestures are often what get them through hard times, I realized that these silly packages were actually life savers. Each box contained a fresh shirt, soap, snacks, neck/face warmers, an army knife, and other practical, but nifty items. Odd presents to many, but according to my friends in Marva, these were boxes that would have made them weep for joy! Making these packages was also a personal eye-opener considering my feelings regarding the IDF and the army in general. Despite my negative experiences, it was wonderful to know that I could know I could never support Israel from behind a gun, but that I could care deeply about the people who were willing to do so. Yay for changing opinions!
A trip to Mea She'Arim (may-ah-sheh-ah-reem):
Last Thursday, five friends and I went on an interesting journey. My friend Lizzy received a call inviting her and several friends over for dinner at the house of a Year Course supporter. Being interested and good little participants, we moseyed on down to his house for some nosh and the expected talk of how wonderful Young Judaea is and how grateful we are for this incredible opportunity. Completely unexpected! The house we were invited to turned out to be in Mea She'Arim and owned by an Ultra-Orthodox family. For those who don't know, Mea She'Arim is an extremely Orthodox neighborhood in Jerusalem. It was originally founded for the Ultra-Orthodox, and it's name means 100 gates, in honor of the desire for a walled city. Needless to say, the surroundings certainly dictated the evening to come. We spent a large part of the night talking to Rabbi Gershon and his family. Truly a Year Course supporter, he believes that students on Year Course should be exposed to all kinds of Judaism, including Chasidism (a view point I actually agree whole heartedly upon). In tandem with his words, Rabbi Gershon offered us numerous opportunities within the Orthodox community, including host families, wedding invitations, and sit-ins in seminaries and yishivas. However, along with these opportunities, we were also overwhelmed with the semi-anticipated talks of what the "correct" version of Judaism is. Let's be clear, while some on Year Course are more religious than others, we are a truly Pluralistic group, ranging from fully observant to never stepped into a shul, and as such, we are reluctant to deal with those who insist they know the "truth". Because of this, the night turned out to be a bit of an uncomfortable mess, and we left with incredibly mixed feelings. This is not the point of the story, though... The point is that the experience highlighted a couple of really important things: one, the war waging between different sects of Judaism in Israel, and two, the open-mindedness I've come to take for granted from attending a Reform Synagogue, having gay parents, and attending largely liberal schools.
The former is one of the reasons I'm having so many issues with Israel. It's hard to feel at home in the "Jewish State" when its citizens are screaming at each other over what "Jewish" means. What does "Jewish" mean? What is Judaism? Obviously, because it is a culture and a religion (and therefore made of opinions), I don't have a definitive answer. However, I will say that today, at least, Judaism is largely cultural. How does the average person define a Christian? Belief in God and Jesus. How does the average person define a Jew? Eats Challah, eats matzah, lights candles, funny hats, speaks hebrew, and is very bookish. Notice the plethora of cultural items and the extreme lack of religious ones in the latter definition. This is not to say that Jews aren't religious, but merely to point out that you can be a Jew without embracing its religious aspects. My mom grew up as a "cultural Jew", and until we joined a temple when I was eight, I was raised the same way. Now, I describe myself as Jewish not because of my belief in God, but because of my belief in Jewish values (tikun olam (repairing the world), living for now, basic commandments (no murder, etc), and others), celebrating the holidays, and embracing my temple community. I do happen to believe in God, but I don't think that's the main defining point of my Judaism, and unfortunately, that's what puts me on one side of the jew v jew argument.
The latter issue explains why I'm on the side that I'm on, and is one of those realizations that wouldn't be interesting if it hadn't been sitting in front of me my entire life. I've grown up without a trace of extreme conservatism in my life. From my parents to my friends to my school to my hometown, things have always been liberal and open. From that perspective, I suppose it was naive of me to be so shocked at being confronted with a highly religious view of life, but shock me it did, and now I feel incredibly small and slightly stupid. It's as Sondheim says, "someone is on your side, someone else is not, while we're seeing our side, maybe we forgot, they are not alone, for no one is alone". For the most part, when people listen to this song, they ignore what it's saying, and only hear the part about themselves - that they themselves are not alone. Since being in Israel, though, I'm slowly grasping the second part - that others are not alone either, even those with whom we strongly disagree or dislike. This applies personally (like when I'm frustrated with my peers) and globally (like when I realized it's foolish to be angry at an opinion when it's not isolated to a single person, or even a small group of people). At the end of the day, problems are best solved when both sides accept that the other exists and is valid. That's my new goal regarding Orthodoxy. I don't understand it or agree with it, but I'm going to try to accept it and embrace the fact that its believers are not all the same - just as not all Jews are the same.
Volunteering:
I LOVE YAD LAKASHISH SO MUCH!!!!!! It's the weirdest thing since I was so set on working with kids, but I'm finding that I really love cute little old people as well! Hehe. It's so amazing to work with people who are determined to get out and do something with their lives. Hearing their stories is inspiring, and seeing their pride in their work, no matter how seemingly simple, is truly touching. My friend Alberto's only job is to paint beads. That's what he does for four hours everyday, and yet, when he's done with his daily set, he always comes over and asks "tov? tov?" ("good? good?"). I'm always so happy to tell him "ken tov! yafe!" ("yes good! beautiful!"). His smile is always so contagious. =D For my Zionism and the Arts midterm, I had to take a photo that represented what Jerusalem meant to me. I ended up selecting a picture of one of the supervisors working in my workshop with several Yad Lakashish members. For me, despite its Americanization, Jerusalem is still powerful within places like my work. Jerusalem (and Yad Lakashish) is a place where people of all backgrounds and beliefs come because they feel they can belong. Similarly, people from all sorts of countries and backgrounds come to Yad Lakashish because they want a place where they can belong and feel important. Jerusalem does that for most, if not all, of the people who visit her. Even when I'm walking around the Old City appalled at how disrespectful tourists can be, if I look out at the view of the entire city, I'm instantly reminded of where I am, and how many people throughout history would have killed (and actually did kill) to be where I am at this very moment. The thought is humbling, and it makes me forget everything that can be frustrating about this program, and remember why I wanted to be here in the first place: to live in my homeland.
Today (20/12/10):
Just so you know, the dates are backwards here, and I've gotten used to it, so for you back home, today is actually 12/20/10. =D
Today was standard. I went to volunteering, skyped with Mische and kept her up until 4am, snuggled into my comforter, and am content to relax for a couple of hours. This morning, my friend Danielle and I decided to put together a benefit concert to raise money for Haiti. I'm very excited! I miss putting big events together and it'll be a great creative outlet as well since I've been dying for an opportunity to perform. On a similar note, tonight my friend Aaron and I are going to do a cold read for a local play. We probably won't be able to do the performances due to program scheduling, but we both missed our audition seasons back home and are pumped to make up for lost time! Days like this are exhausting, but wonderful, especially on the delirium of only three hours of sleep. I think too much at night, I really need to stop that...
Charts on a scale of 1-10 (ten being high):
Homesickness status: 4 (yay! going down!)
Israel love: 5 (it was three a few days ago, so this is pretty good...)
Excitement for Bat Yam/Kuma: 10!
Present purchasing: um....... SUGGESTIONS!
Holy crap, longest post EVER!
Endless love to all back home,
Rachel
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Post Chofesh: Wolverine Jack Schwartz - A New Era
Today ushered in a new time - the time of hamster Sir Wolverine Jack Schwartz. Is it silly? Yes. Is it ridiculous? Yes. Is it absurd that the arrival of the hamster has caused so much thinking for me? Absolutely. Here's what's been happening. Yesterday, I calculated a bunch of count-downs:
-53 days until Bat Yam
-64 days until Kuma
-79 days until Spring Chofesh
-145 days until the end of Year Course
After calculating these numbers, I felt a bunch of different things. At first, I felt guilty for making countdowns in the first place and ungrateful for the YC experience. Granted, I'm very excited for all of the above, but I feel like I should be more engaged in the present (I know, not going to happen, but I can hope!). After thinking about it for a little, however, I realized that that time is going to fly by in an instant. Knowing that I've survived 128 days 10,000 miles away from home is surprisingly empowering and it lets me know that not only am I more than capable of completing this incredible year, but I'm really excited to do so! Not to be finished, but to enjoy the feelings of looking back and being speechless. How does a hamster fit into all of this...? Wolverine is an interesting apartment symbol. Similar to the feelings of a couple getting a pet together, Wolverine is a sign that we, as an apartment, are unified enough to love a pet. Yes, he technically belongs to my roommate, but we are all responsible for his happiness and welfare. I guess also, in a way, having a pet makes this whole experience feel a lot more like home. The presence of a lovable fuzzy critter is always enough to transform a strange place from a roof over my head to a heart-felt home. Wolverine's arrival also made me realize that while I miss home and the people I love back there beyond belief, I could be genuinely happy somewhere completely different. Maybe not 10,000 miles away, but not chained to the things and people used to feel helpless without. It may seem sad that a hamster inspired these feelings, but I think it's only fitting that such revelations can come from something so small and innocent.
On a related, but slightly varying note, today was also Yom Hadassah (Hadassah Day). In honor, we traveled to two Hadassah Hospitals in Jerusalem and to Mt. Scopus to honor the grave of the founder of Hadassah. On the whole, the day was very moving. It's truly inspiring to hear stories of those who created a mountain from a speck of dust. Almost 100 years ago, the Hadassah movement was started with a couple of nurses who traveled within the small communities of conservative Jerusalem, offering medical advice, midwifery, and other services. Today, Hadassah is the medical system of Israel, providing free medical care, medical schools, and special medical packages for children. It also happens to be one of the main partners of the Young Judaea Youth Movement - which is of course why we were there in the first place. The questionable part of the day came in the views of the speakers chosen to talk to us. In addition to their general speeches about the history of Hadassah and its importance, the majority the speakers chose to focus their efforts towards converting us all towards Aliyah (moving to Israel). While a definite possibility in many of our minds, the idea of Aliyah, when toted, is almost as unappetizing as Bible-toting religious maniacs. I support Israel, I believe in the idea of a Jewish state, I am proud to be Jewish, I believe in the activism shown by the founders of Israel. Do I want crazed Jewish Americans screaming at me to move here? What do you think... Needless to say, most were turned off by the efforts and a friend explained to me later that this was only the beginning: part of the Young Judaea Movement constitution says "thou shalt make Aliyah" and the movement has many adults connected to it who are willing to preach just that. I think what Young Judaea does for Jewish Youth is incredible, but that doesn't mean everyone is meant to make Aliyah and have tons of Jewish babies. Some will, and will be extremely happy doing so, but others may move back to the states, marry inter-religiously, never have kids, and never visit Israel again. I just wish more people accepted that both extremes and everywhere in between is no less worthy a life style...
I have much more to say on various things, but it is late, and I must shower and zzzzz.
All my love,
Rachel
Friday, January 1, 2010
Travels with Mom and New Thoughts on Israel
HAPPY NEW YEAR! For the first time ever, I beat Dick Clark and the shiny ball. =)
Today, January 1st, marks a lot of things: the end of winter chofesh (break), four months spent in Israel, the end of the first incredibly happy week I'd spent with my mom in a really long time, the end of one of the most eventful years of my life, and the beginning of one with the potential to be even more fun, chaotic, up, down, and inspirational.
Mom flew in on the 24th and we had a blast traveling around the country. It was strange on many levels, but a lot of fun. Julie hadn't been to Israel since she was my age, and seeing the change in the country from the 1970s to now through her eyes was shocking. My Israel has always been what this country is right now. I knew through reading how quickly Israelis had advanced, but until I saw her shock, it never really hit me how drastic the changes had been. In the 1970s, Israel was the blooming capital of the world in every aspect you could think of. The shekel was growing, scientific advancement was skyrocketing, new technologies were being exported everyday, and the general feel of the population was motivation, dedication, and an understanding of how different skills were needed to create a new, thriving country. The Israel of 2009 (now 2010) is a very different place. Where there were once holy historical places, there are now tourist traps and falafel houses. Where there were once glorious hillsides, there are now endless shack cities. Where there was once the most incredible education in the middle east, there are now hordes of students leaving high school with detrimental english and no goals to go to college. When looking at the country over the summer of 2008, I was mesmerized by its beauty and by its culture, but that was looking through the cloudy lens of a five-week teen program. Living here, I've sadly come to realize that the Israel I thought I loved - that my mom met 40 years ago - is sadly disappearing. There are many elements still to love; the people who go out of their way to create the country Jews still dream of, the incredible beauty of the Golan and the Negev, but the spirit is lacking, and the fire that fueled the Israeli pioneers in the 30s and 40s appears to be diminishing. What does that mean for Year Course...?
Back to my trip with mom though... =) It was so great to have a break from the YC world and travel with Julie. We went to the Old City, down to Arad, through Ceaseria, Haifa, and Akko, up to Sfat and Tiberias. It was fantastic! It was also great to spend time with her and realize how much we've both changed since moving to Israel and New York (respectively). Considering how things were before hand, and how they were on the trip, I'd say without a doubt that the moves were good for both of us, even through times of hardship or regret. Love you, mom!
So now, Julie is headed back to NYC, and I'm facing the beginning of 2010. Oh, so many things I could write about! Looking back at 2009, I can't even believe that everything that happened, happened in one year. In 2009, I graduated high school, got into college, went to Ecuador, worked with James Conlon, lived in Israel, met literally over 300 new people, and learned so much about myself that I can't even imagine delving into five more months of self-discovery experiences. What do I want from 2010? Nothing more or less than life experiences. What more could one ask for anyway when one is living in a foreign country? I want to help people, I want to learn things that will blow my mind, I want to do stupid things that I'll regret, I want to appreciate the smart things that I'll treasure forever. Most of all, when I return to the states in June, I want to know more of who I am. So far, I think I'm on the right track.
I wish everyone here and back home a healthy and happy new year.
All my love,
Rachel
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