A very very late welcome to Jerusalem.

This post was due on December 6th, when we actually first moved to Jerusalem, but things have been so crazed, and I've been in and out of feeling sick, so I'm sending you the Jerusalem skinny two weeks in. =D

Right now, I am writing to you from my gorgeous apartment in Baka. We're about a 30 minute walk from the Old City (The Western Wall, Ricardo Street, etc), a 10 minute walk from Emek Refa'im (a great restaurant street), and it's just plain beautiful here. No one warned us about the cold, but we're making due.

My volunteering was switched around, so I'm not working with foster kids, but I'm still having an incredible experience! I volunteer sunday, monday, wednesday, and thursday at Yad Lakashish: A lifeline for the Elderly. There, I work with immigrants who are having a hard time getting settled into Israel, and I do arts and crafts with them. Some are incredibly skilled workers who have specialties from their home countries, and some are just interested in art, and come to have a place to go. It's very different from what I thought I would be doing, but I definitely feel like I'm contributing, which is half of what volunteering is all about, no? This past week, I worked with several immigrants from South America making clay beads. It was amazing to see how fast my Spanish came back while talking to them, and to see how alive they became when they had someone to talk to about their lives. It's a little strange to be working with the elderly, since my element is usually with kids, but I've really come to love new experiences over the past few months, and I think working in such a different environment will be great for me.

Alright, time for nerdy Rachel to come out and glow about how happy she is with her classes! This semester, I'm taking ulpan (hebrew - level 2!), Genesis Parables: Chaos and Creativity in the Genesis stories, Zionism and the Arts, Yoga, and Holocaust Film Study. Ulpan is a bit of a joke, since most of my classmates don't seem to care, but my other classes are AMAZING! Genesis Parables is the most thought-stimulating class I think I've ever had. I love that I leave there every time with thoughts buzzing through my head about the wonders of the universe. On our first day, we asked the question of where each of us stood regarding the origins of the universe and whether we though it had always existed, or whether God made it come into being. I have a very complex opinion on this due to my mix of religious and scientific feelings, but in a nutshell, I believe that the universe has always existed in chaos, but that a higher power (god or something) pulled pieces together and made certain levels of sense. As far as the earth itself, I'm undecided, but I think my feelings lie more towards the scientific end of the spectrum, and as far as life on earth, I'm an evolutionist, through and through. Not that that matters in this blog entry, but I thought I'd put it out there. Zionism and the Arts is a riot! My teacher Dr. Avi Rose is one of the funniest, most intelligent people I've had the pleasure of being a student of (no offense Lee and Mike!). I've only had this class once so far, but it's the highlight of my sunday. Basically, we look through the history of Zionism through art, music, and literature, including works by Jewish artists, and works throughout European history that influenced the image of Jews. More on this class to come with time! Yoga and film haven't started yet, but I will post about them soon as well.

Looking at my calendar, I can't believe we're already almost a month into the Jerusalem section. Arad seemed to last for ages, but now the weeks are flying by! I suppose that's also due to a packed schedule and having millions of things to do, but it's still mind blowing. My friends back home are posting their success of being done with one semester of college, and reading their posts really makes me think about how long I've been here. 10,000 miles is a long, long way from home, but at the same time, knowing that I'm having fun, and growing (apparently, according to those who know me well), and that I've been away from home completely for four months is oddly empowering. I have a feeling that going to college out of year course is going to be both strangely easy and strangely hard. I won't be dealing with the stress of leaving home, but at the same time, it's going to be weird going into classes with people fresh out of high school. I suppose I shouldn't worry so far in advance though!

I feel like I could be writing so much more, but my sinus infection is clouding my memory...

For now, Merry Christmas and Chappy Chaunnukah to you all!

Lots of Love,

Rachel

Gobble?

Thanksgiving is hard, and always has been since my parents split. Since then, something has always managed to come crashing down on Turkey Day, be it emotionally, physically, or mentally. When I was little, it certainly wasn't as dramatic. I'd make tacky construction paper projects at school and bring them home to show off like a new Rembrandt, draw hand turkeys, eat till I popped, and sleep the whole next day. The family tension was there, but I tried not to notice it. After 1998, it was impossible to ignore. I'm not going to go into details in such a public venue, but in a nutshell, I began to relate to Dr. Burke's quote on "Friends" that "it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring". Last year, I opted not to deal with any of it, and spent Thanksgiving with one of my best friends and her family. It was wonderful, but something was missing. I didn't dwell on it then (remarkable for me, no?). This year, I expected to not even think about the American holiday since there were no pilgrims and indians fighting it out in the holy land. I was wrong, so very wrong.

This has been one of the hardest Thanksgivings yet, but not for the usual reasons. For the first time in my life, I found myself crying because I wasn't home with my family. I've thought about this for days, and I still don't completely understand it. I suppose though, that no matter how dysfunctional a family might be, they're still family. To really accept this fact is incredible for me. I thought I would be relieved, elated, anything but nostalgically depressed. After all, part of my reason for going on Year Course in the first place was to get away from my life. I realize now that that's not possible. I've realized a lot of things over the past three months. How much of a stupid, stubborn teenager I was during junior and senior year and how immature behavior like the silent treatment seems in hindsight, how sometimes it's easier to tell everyone, especially yourself, that you're going to feel one way about a situation in order to stay the fear of feeling the opposite, and how it's okay to feel like a child as long as you know you're capable of being an adult. Before I left, I was so excited to get away from everything I knew, and now, while I love being here with all my heart, I miss the people and places of home terribly, and I can't imagine how I could have been so ungrateful for everything back in Los Angeles.

Disregarding my homesickness though, Thanksgiving on Year Course was actually a lot of fun! Young Judaea was incredible and took us to a spa for the day followed by a huge turkey lunch. It was so relaxing and yummy and fun! That night for dinner, a bunch of us potlucked and sat around and ate and drank to our hearts desire. There was no awkwardness, no fights, just a group of jews doing what they do best on the holidays...stuffing their faces. Granted, we had to improvise since people kept showing up and our food is limited, but the spirit of Thanksgiving was there, and at the end of the night, that alone was enough to make me smile.

Right now, I'm content, if still a little down. I still envy my friends who are home from college watching the Macy's Day Parade and cooking with their families, but I'm accepting that in exchange for the occasional homesickness, I'm getting the opportunity of a lifetime, and that even during the sad times, I can still ponder and over think and gain new perspectives. What am I thankful for this year? That I'm in Israel, having an amazing time, and knowing that the people I love will always be there in every way. Happy Thanksgiving.

I hear a wind, whistling air, whispering in my ear...

For about three months before I left for Israel, I was obsessed with "Roam" by The B-52s. I'd listen to it biking, walking, sleeping, whenever I could, because it filled me with an unbelievable excitement for traveling 10,000 miles away at the end of August. Last night, I found myself listening to it once again for the first time since I arrived here. Why? Because somewhere down the road during these past three months, there have been times when I've genuinely forgotten that I'm in Israel. I know that seems absurd. With hebrew, strange foods, and Jewish life everywhere, it would appear hard not to notice one's location. Nevertheless, I found myself walking home the other day saying "oh yah, I'm in Israel, aren't I...". It shocked me to the core. When I was in Israel two summers ago, the only thing I was constantly aware of was where I was. Everywhere we went, I felt like making aliyah, and there wasn't a moment I wasn't thrilled to be in Israel. Like I said in a previous post though, I suppose this trip is extremely different. It's not nine months of constant "roaming" and seeing all the sights, it's real life. In America, I never thought about the fact that I was in America, I just went day to day. I suppose that's what's happening here. It's not so much that I've forgotten I'm in Israel, it's more that I've forgotten that I'm really anywhere. It's an odd feeling, but I think I understand it, and hopefully, more and more of that coveted Israel spirit will come back when I move to Jerusalem next week!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone and their mother is excited about moving on December 6th! I'd say me especially, but I honestly think everyone's out competing each other right now in that department. Arad has given everyone a lot to think about, a good look at life outside the big cities of Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, and Haifa, and a chance to really get to know each other since there's little to do here during free time except sit around and talk at the local pub. However, three months here has taken its toll, and we are all ready for a bustling city. That said, we'll probably miss Arad when we're overwhelmed with how much is going on and we just want to sit on a couch and watch stupid youtube videos with each other... Right now though, that is not the case, and even though we still have 11 days left, my things are slowly making their way back into my oversized suitcases.

Here's a run down of how things are going to be in J-ru:

We'll be living in more of a dormitory style where instead of having spread out apartments, we'll all be in three buildings, all within five minutes of our classes. I'll be living in a group of eight in the Beit-Ar-El complex, which is right on campus. These buildings are brand new, and we're basically testing how they work with the program this year, since in previous years, everyone stayed at the Young Judaea Youth Hostel during the Jerusalem section. We can thank our dear friend Madoff for the change...

Nothing has been confirmed yet in terms of volunteering, but if I get my first choice, I'll be working in a group home with foster kids. There, I'll be helping out with whatever they need; english tutor, babysitter, gardener, playmate, etc. I'm extremely excited. I know it's going to be incredibly challenging and often emotionally draining, but if I can help these kids in anyway, I'll be changing the course of their lives. From watching my moms work in this field, I've learned just how much people can change if given the right help and the right opportunities. I know my impact maybe small, but it will still be something, and for some kids, those of us who volunteer at the group home may be the push that sends them in a positive direction. I sound idealistic, but in my opinion, that's the best way to look at a situation.

This past weekend, some friends and I threw all responsibility to the wind and spent a couple days down in Eilat. It was GORGEOUS! While technically a tourist city, Eilat is also one of the most beautiful places in Israel. There are living coral reefs to snorkel over, dolphin coves, warm beaches, and a view of Israel, Jordan, Egypt, and Syria all from the same place. Swimming in the Red Sea is also quite the experience if you take the time to be reflectively Jewish. I went jetskiing for the first time, and it was incredible! I went out to see dolphins, practically crashed into a freighter, and had so much fun! It was so nice to get out of Arad for the weekend and sleep on the beach, and go out, and be crazy. It gave me a new appreciation for sitting in the apartment. That said, I'm still ridiculously excited for the mania of city life in Jerusalem.

One last thing I need to address. Nothing to do with Israel, but I have a HUGE announcement to make. For those who haven't found out via facebook or the grapevine...after 18 years...I FOUND MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First, some back story:

I was conceived via sperm donation in 1990. I've known about my situation my whole life, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I really started becoming interested in my heritage. I asked a lot of questions, but eventually, I had to accept the fact that I couldn't proceed until I turned 18 and all legal ties to child support were severed. On the morning of July 31st, 2009, I called the California Cryobank and asked them to contact my father. Four months later, I got the call. HE WAS LOCATED! And willing to answer any questions I had. I was thrilled. I AM thrilled! After 18 years of questions, I can finally find out so many secrets, so many answers. There are certainly aspects of this ordeal that are scary and strange, but overall, I'm so excited! There will be much more to write on this subject soon.

I'm off to Be'er Sheva for a few hours!

Happy Turkey Day to everyone back in the states!

All my love,

Rachel

Why do I have to title all of these things?

I can't believe I haven't blogged in weeks! Basically, I've tried about 50 times, but every time I start, I get distracted, say I'll finish it tomorrow, and by the time I get around to it again, everything I'd written before needs to be re-written and deleted. This time, hopefully, I'll be able to get through and actually talk about what's going on here without getting to away from myself.

We only have 25 more days left in Arad! In some ways, I am very excited and in some ways, that's ridiculous. I'm dying to leave Arad for the more interesting, busy life in J-ru, but at the same time, knowing that my 3-month mark is coming up is slightly scary. That means Year Course is almost 1/3 of the way over! Time flew like crazy! I feel a little guilty that a part of me is happy that I'm that much closer to seeing everyone, but at the same time, I feel very accomplished. This is the longest I've ever been away from home and I'm really loving it! I have great friends, I'm having fun, I'm on my own, it's a really really incredible thing. Still can't wait to see everyone in June, but at least now I'm not counting down all the way through! ;)

What has happened since I left Marva...

I'm now volunteering at Abir's Ranch just outside of Arad and I LOVE IT! I'm working with horses, chickens, and other lovely farm critters, planting, plowing, moving hay bales, the works. In a sad way, it's like "farmville" real world! In all seriousness though, I really do love it. It's nice to be exhausted at the end of the day because I actually did something instead of just being tired from sitting around all the time. Today, I did a "horse car wash" where we hosed and soaped all the horses and got soaked and had a blast! It was great.

Last week, a small group of us went up to the Rabin Peace Rally in memory of Yitzak Rabin's assassination. For those who don't know, Rabin was a prime minister of Israel who was shot by a radical Israeli in 1995, publicizing the conflicting views within Israel. It was the equivalent to JFK's assassination (at least in the affect it had on the people), and it's now remembered every year on November 4th as a move towards peace and stability in this troubled land. Unfortunately for us, much of the inspiration was lost in out inability to speak hebrew, but the music brought everything together. At 10:00 when everyone in Rabin square started singing Shir La Shalom, you felt the history of a people scoop you up and carry you back through years of struggle for a Jewish Nation. Even with little language understanding, I was so moved by how connected I felt to every stranger in that square. Looking around during Hatikvah, I was not at all surprised at the lack of dry eyes. It was a beautiful night.

I think that's all for now folks! Life is pretty relaxed right now, but I'll try to update more often anyways.

Love you all!

Rachel

The Hardest Realizations Come at a Price, but Give you the World

This post is coming to you much earlier than I could have ever anticipated, from the mind of a girl I never knew existed. Two days ago, I decided to end Marva. I know it was only four days into the program, but my reasons are far from minor complaints about physical strain or frustration with orders. Two days ago I shot a gun for the first time after 18 years of promising myself I would never touch any version of the destructive object. Nevertheless, at 3pm, I found myself lying on the ground aiming an M-16 at a Arab soldier cutout. I don't think I've ever been more terrified of myself. We had 15 bullets to fire at the cutouts' heads. At the ominous order of "Esh!" ("fire!") I pulled the trigger. The first bullet rocketed through the air and hit the cutout on the neck. At that moment, my world changed. I didn't know what I was doing anymore, I couldn't see, couldn't think. All I knew was that I wanted the rest of the magazine out of the gun as quickly as possible. I fired aimlessly not caring where the rest of the bullets fell as fast as I could, then dropped the weapon. When I looked down, I could see my elbows nestled in a pile of shells, each staring at me, reminding me that what left them, left to take a human life. Under my earphones, I could hear the blurry orders of the Mefakedet Mem-Mem telling us to sit up and leave the shooting range. My friend told me to get up when I didn't stir, and I walked mindlessly out of the building and into the desert of Sde Boker. At the sound of the next group of shooters, I broke. Tears fell for 8 hours after that. Tears for the impact of what I had done, tears for what would have happened had the soldiers been real, tears for hypocrisy of me wearing an army uniform, tears for the promise I had broken. My Mefakedet carried my M-16 back to the base, as I couldn't keep from wanting to hurl at the sight of it. I knew I could never finish Marva after that. I could keep up physically, I could follow orders, I could deal with the food and the lack of sleep, but I would never feel comfortable morally on a military base ever again. Reading this, I realize these feelings may sound overly dramatic to many, but from my perspective, I don't see how they could possibly be any less insane than the excited cheers from many of my Tzevet (unit) members as they happily fired away in ecstasy. Who could ever be happy with the idea of using a machine whose only purpose of use and invention is to take lives?

That said, I am now back in Arad with an entirely new understanding of myself and about how hard it must be to be an Israeli my age. While I was waiting to go home, I talked with a Mefakedet (commander) about why I was choosing to leave. She told me she was the exact same way when she entered the army, but in her case, she didn't have the option to leave (for those who don't know, military service in Israel is mandatory). She told me that when she received her gun, and had to sleep with it under her pillow, she cried almost every night. Having been a "hippie" as she called it, the idea of serving in an army was unthinkable. The difference between us? As time went on, she realized that without the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces), there would be no Israel, which would be unthinkable considering what history has done to the Jewish people. For a moment, I paused and thought that maybe I was making the wrong decision by leaving. I knew she was right, after all. Israel would crumble within days if the entire army disappeared, and while in a dangerous situation, the arms of the Israeli army are only used to protect, never to act offensively. Then I realized, however, that there were other ways to serve this beautiful country I love so much. While the IDF is undeniably important to Israel's survival, so are volunteers! Teachers, doctors, everyday people also make Israel what it is and they keep it thriving. Not everyone is suited for the army, and that's okay because if everyone had the same personality, the world would be a miserable place. On the other hand, if everyone had the same personality, there might be no need for war...hmm... At any rate, I'm okay with being different and understanding myself well enough to know that it's not worth it for me to sacrifice my morals to complete a program I'm not enthusiastic about (even though I had previously convinced myself that I was).

Even though I was only there for four days, Marva taught me so much about myself and about Israel. I know I probably could have learned more, but I also feel that by being back in Arad, I can contribute to Israeli society in an even bigger way by bettering one of its most important developing cities. My homesickness is dissipating, I made the right decision, and I am more determined and motivated than ever. YES!

Volume Arad and a lot of Time to Contemplate

This will be my last post for the next two to three weeks, as I will be starting my basic army training (Marva) this Monday!!!!!!!! More about that later though...

Last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, Arad played host to a historical cultural event! After 12 years, Volume Arad (aka The Arad Festival), the biggest music festival in Israel returned. First, some history: The Arad Festival has been a staple of Israeli cultural society for decades. It combines food, festivity, and music, and brings together the greatest bands in Israel for three days of concerts and celebrations. Unfortunately, 12 years ago, the concert got out of hand when three teenagers were trampled to death in a stampede to see the famous band, Meshina. Since then, funding for the festival was cut and for 12 years, the famous festival streets lay silent...BUT THIS YEAR IT RETURNED!!! This week, the usually quite and quaint streets of Arad were filled with people from all over the world, and music filled the air for 36 hours!

Admittedly, some of the hype turned out to be, well, hype, and we were disappointed for the first day or so, but once things got going, it was amazing! The last night was Woodstock reincarnated. Almost ever Year Courser went to a concert called Made in Israel and embraced the spirit of the night with singing and dancing and mayhem. It was a truly incredible.

After the festival, our Madrichim took us on an overnight camping trip in the desert culminating in a relaxing day on the beach. I loved it! It was the perfect way for everyone to be together before all the Marva kids head off to base. At the same time, it was a tad bittersweet. Even though I'm still making friends, it still feels strange to know that we're not spending the rest of this semester with the rest of Section 3. On the other hand, saying goodbye was also a little relieving, at least for me, because I'm hoping that Marva will give me a chance to become much closer to a small group of people, rather than feeling lost in the crowd.

After a long, late night conversation last night, I've come to a realization which I think will get me through this year with a lot more comfort and a lot less anxiety. Every past Year-Courser says that Year Course is the most incredible year of your life. Regardless of whether or not that's true, the fact is that it's a year of LIFE. Going on a summer program, or going on a study abroad program, while enlightening and fun, is not LIFE. At orientation, the director of Year Course told us that we were not on a study abroad program, we were in an Israeli immersion program. While I understood what he meant, I don't think the implications of it hit me until last night. For the first time since we arrived here, I don't feel the need to have a good time all the time because life isn't like that. Back home, there were great days and miserable days, people I loved and people I avoided, things I enjoyed and things that bored me, and times of elation and times of depression. I know now that it's okay for Year Course to be the same thing, and in fact, it SHOULD be the same thing. In my disillusionment, I came on Year Course expecting the excitement and constant joy and energy of my previous summer experience. Now, I know that that was ridiculous to expect! While seeming slightly obvious, this revelation has changed my opinion of Year Course and helped my general emotional turmoil so much. I can only hope that with this new knowledge, I can go forth into the rest of Year Course with a much more open and relaxed mind. I think I'm going to be okay.

The Many Uses of Duct Tape...

1. Clean the sofa

2. Hang posters

3. Block toilet pipe leaks

4. Make funny mustaches on roommate's twilight poster...

5. Fix broken squeegee

6. Safely position incense 

7. Hold lap-top charger together

8. Keep window open

9. Label bags

10. Make make-shift bandages (with toilet paper)

11. Keep bags closed

12. Decorate wall (with the bright pink tape, of course)

13. Fix broken cutlery 

14. Keep the outlet covers on the walls...

15. Tape roommate to bed while sleeping

This is only in one month... 

My goal is to have 100 uses by the end of Year Course. =D