Gobble?

Thanksgiving is hard, and always has been since my parents split. Since then, something has always managed to come crashing down on Turkey Day, be it emotionally, physically, or mentally. When I was little, it certainly wasn't as dramatic. I'd make tacky construction paper projects at school and bring them home to show off like a new Rembrandt, draw hand turkeys, eat till I popped, and sleep the whole next day. The family tension was there, but I tried not to notice it. After 1998, it was impossible to ignore. I'm not going to go into details in such a public venue, but in a nutshell, I began to relate to Dr. Burke's quote on "Friends" that "it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring". Last year, I opted not to deal with any of it, and spent Thanksgiving with one of my best friends and her family. It was wonderful, but something was missing. I didn't dwell on it then (remarkable for me, no?). This year, I expected to not even think about the American holiday since there were no pilgrims and indians fighting it out in the holy land. I was wrong, so very wrong.

This has been one of the hardest Thanksgivings yet, but not for the usual reasons. For the first time in my life, I found myself crying because I wasn't home with my family. I've thought about this for days, and I still don't completely understand it. I suppose though, that no matter how dysfunctional a family might be, they're still family. To really accept this fact is incredible for me. I thought I would be relieved, elated, anything but nostalgically depressed. After all, part of my reason for going on Year Course in the first place was to get away from my life. I realize now that that's not possible. I've realized a lot of things over the past three months. How much of a stupid, stubborn teenager I was during junior and senior year and how immature behavior like the silent treatment seems in hindsight, how sometimes it's easier to tell everyone, especially yourself, that you're going to feel one way about a situation in order to stay the fear of feeling the opposite, and how it's okay to feel like a child as long as you know you're capable of being an adult. Before I left, I was so excited to get away from everything I knew, and now, while I love being here with all my heart, I miss the people and places of home terribly, and I can't imagine how I could have been so ungrateful for everything back in Los Angeles.

Disregarding my homesickness though, Thanksgiving on Year Course was actually a lot of fun! Young Judaea was incredible and took us to a spa for the day followed by a huge turkey lunch. It was so relaxing and yummy and fun! That night for dinner, a bunch of us potlucked and sat around and ate and drank to our hearts desire. There was no awkwardness, no fights, just a group of jews doing what they do best on the holidays...stuffing their faces. Granted, we had to improvise since people kept showing up and our food is limited, but the spirit of Thanksgiving was there, and at the end of the night, that alone was enough to make me smile.

Right now, I'm content, if still a little down. I still envy my friends who are home from college watching the Macy's Day Parade and cooking with their families, but I'm accepting that in exchange for the occasional homesickness, I'm getting the opportunity of a lifetime, and that even during the sad times, I can still ponder and over think and gain new perspectives. What am I thankful for this year? That I'm in Israel, having an amazing time, and knowing that the people I love will always be there in every way. Happy Thanksgiving.