Yom Kippur and Ever More Adjustments

One day, teenagers like me will realize in the throws of senior year that no matter how independent, no matter how mad at the world, no matter how brave they may think themselves, the real world is nothing like their imagination.  Money does not materialize when you want it, people hardly ever live up to your expectations, and despite popular belief, parents are not the evil beings they appear to be.  That last one was especially hard for me to admit... (as Mark laughs at me wickedly in the background...).  Most of all, high school drama does not end the minute you graduate, and in fact appears to intensify the first year out of high school.  Hmmm....

Tomorrow marks exactly one month since we've been in Israel.  Typing that statement in and of itself is mind blowing.  Last summer when I was here for five weeks, one month seemed like a lifetime blown through in a second.  Now though, knowing that this month was not an isolated experience, the feeling is very different.  Knowing that I have eight months left to delve deeper into whatever this year may become, this one month marker is not the end of something incredible, but rather a milestone of completion.  I feel satisfied and proud that I've lived on my own for a month with complete strangers in a foreign land, and I feel accomplished knowing that even though this last month has given me more hell and mayhem than my freshman year of high school, I'm through the tunnel and into the light and onward into Marva and the rest of this year of insanity. 

I know I wrote about this in my last High Holy Days post, but I must reiterate how much I love and miss Kol Ami.  Yom Kippur without music, without 9 hours in temple, and without the community that I love so much was actually unbearable.  I'm not ashamed at all to admit that I cried my eyes out everyday this weekend from homesickness and nostalgia.  Yes, I am a sap.  Is that a problem?  Being without roommates who cared about going to services, I ended up not going at all this year, which hurt a lot, but I think in a way it was a good thing because it reaffirmed that next year, no matter what, I will find a shul because I care about observing in a way that works for me (none of which includes sitting at home watching movies...). Nevertheless, I still fasted and prayed in my head which definitely gave me a taste of what I was craving.  

I'll be posting again soon with details about Volume Arad and my masses of pre-marva thoughts. =D

Love,

Rachel