Yom Kippur and Ever More Adjustments

One day, teenagers like me will realize in the throws of senior year that no matter how independent, no matter how mad at the world, no matter how brave they may think themselves, the real world is nothing like their imagination.  Money does not materialize when you want it, people hardly ever live up to your expectations, and despite popular belief, parents are not the evil beings they appear to be.  That last one was especially hard for me to admit... (as Mark laughs at me wickedly in the background...).  Most of all, high school drama does not end the minute you graduate, and in fact appears to intensify the first year out of high school.  Hmmm....

Tomorrow marks exactly one month since we've been in Israel.  Typing that statement in and of itself is mind blowing.  Last summer when I was here for five weeks, one month seemed like a lifetime blown through in a second.  Now though, knowing that this month was not an isolated experience, the feeling is very different.  Knowing that I have eight months left to delve deeper into whatever this year may become, this one month marker is not the end of something incredible, but rather a milestone of completion.  I feel satisfied and proud that I've lived on my own for a month with complete strangers in a foreign land, and I feel accomplished knowing that even though this last month has given me more hell and mayhem than my freshman year of high school, I'm through the tunnel and into the light and onward into Marva and the rest of this year of insanity. 

I know I wrote about this in my last High Holy Days post, but I must reiterate how much I love and miss Kol Ami.  Yom Kippur without music, without 9 hours in temple, and without the community that I love so much was actually unbearable.  I'm not ashamed at all to admit that I cried my eyes out everyday this weekend from homesickness and nostalgia.  Yes, I am a sap.  Is that a problem?  Being without roommates who cared about going to services, I ended up not going at all this year, which hurt a lot, but I think in a way it was a good thing because it reaffirmed that next year, no matter what, I will find a shul because I care about observing in a way that works for me (none of which includes sitting at home watching movies...). Nevertheless, I still fasted and prayed in my head which definitely gave me a taste of what I was craving.  

I'll be posting again soon with details about Volume Arad and my masses of pre-marva thoughts. =D

Love,

Rachel

Hebrew Breakthrough!

Today, my madrich sent me a text in hebrew and I could read and understand it!!!!!

Short post, but it made me very excited. =D

Rosh Hashanah

Rosh Hashanah and Thanksgiving have a lot in common.  I came to this realization at 4 in the morning the other night, when I couldn't sleep for the endless thought train blazing through my head.  Truly though, my experiences with both holidays have always been marked with 3 classic bulwarks: eating three times my weight in the span of an hour, severe emotional turmoil, and somehow coming out the other side of the holiday with a new outlook on life.  

This year, welcoming in the new year was especially hard.  The High Holy Days with my Kol Ami family in Los Angeles are always an amazing experience.  The music is glorious, my jewish pride overflows, and for the hours I spend in Shul, no matter how long the service gets, I can't imagine anywhere else I'd rather be.  More than anything though, I love Rosh Hashanah back home because Kol Ami gave me an unwavering feeling of community that went so deep, that the thought of spending the New Year without it was almost unbearable.  Being in Israel, I thought I might be able to overcome my severe case of homesickness and simply let the holidays sink in, but alas, I was wrong.  Going to services and spending time with my friend Hodaya and her family was wonderful, but I couldn't shake the fact that something huge was missing.  Sitting in the women's section in a strange, orthodox synagogue was enlightening, but held no sense of the community I longed for.  Everyone seemed to drawl on with no regard for the people around them, there was almost no music, and by the time services were over, I felt exhausted and bored - a far cry from the elated feelings I was used to.  Nevertheless, one thing did bring in the New Year at the end of the day; the inspiring sounds of the shofar.  That moment was a true moment of realization.  Hearing the tikiyot, it hit me that no matter where I went, no matter what country, or what kind of temple I found myself in, certain things link Jews all over the world.  In those sounds, I was home.  I could feel the comforts of home, the promises of tomorrow, and the lessons of the past surrounding me in the joy on every stranger's face at the modern recitation of those ancient sounds.  In that moment, I remembered why I was in Israel. I came on Year Course for many reasons, but one of the biggest ones was my desire to feel immensely connected to Judaism (like I did on my last visit to the Holy Land).  My Magein David has not left my neck in three weeks, and now I'm sure it won't be leaving for the next eight months.  

Israeli mind set, traveling, and a general question of what the fuck am I doing here?!

Third week has started and my second week blues are on the way out.  Homesickness is a funny thing.  I was convinced I wouldn't suffer from it before I left, even though I know myself to be nostalgic soul, and then I was frustrated when it finally hit me.  I suppose that's natural though.  Even without thinking about it, my tendencies have always been to flourish the first week away from home, running on adrenaline and new experiences, and then to have a mental break down during the second week, when the fears and doubts about being so far away from comfort finally creep into my psyche.  It's essentially the emotional ride of going from "WOW, I'm here!" to "wow, I'm HERE..."   There should be away to type emphasis to express exactly what the voice can convey.... sorry, side bar.

More and more, all of us are slowly becoming Israelis.  I think it's definitely an improvement, since Israelis all go by the stereotypes that Americans are shallow, stupid, and (as far as the girls go) incredibly easy.  Given the behavior of most of the girls on the program though, that last assumption might not be far off.  Our most authentic Israeli experience, by far, has been getting onto a bus.  Yes, something that simple can be that defining.  In America, you wait by the bus stop, and when the bus comes, you form an orderly line and enter the bus one by one.  In Israel, the concept of the "line" is a fairytale, and entering the bus one by one is just too comfortable for the average citizen.  Waiting at the bus station in Be'er Sheva, we were surrounded on all sides by screaming Israelis, all yelling in hebrew at a bus that wasn't even there yet, and scrambling over our bags to get a spot in the front.  Meanwhile, we were struggling to stick our heads out to find a tiny pocket of clean air to escape the masses of cigarette smoke (we failed).  Then, the bus arrived.  I have never seen so many people move in the same direction so fast.  We had been in the middle of the crowd before the bus came, and in the span of three seconds we were left behind in the dust and had to wait for the next bus to come.  This repeated twice more before a kind Israeli woman held the mass for us and let us through because we "poor americans were never going to get through on our own". Bless her.  

This week, there was a general strike in the southern developing cities (i.e. Arad, Dimona, etc). Underrepresentation in the Kinesset led the mayors and governors of these cities to declare a two-day strike in order to gain lacking government funding.  With the populations decreasing and the poverty increasing, many of these immigrant cities are turning to the Israeli government for help; they are not receiving much.  

Generally, as far as Year Course goes, things are going well.  It's incredibly hard at times, but I'm still glad I made the decision to come.  It's difficult to be a shy, self-conscious person in a world of strangers, but the danger is thrilling, and I can already feel myself coming further out of my shell.  This weekend is Rosh Hashanah, and I'm spending it up in Tel Aviv, the weekend after, I'm off to Eilat, and the weekend after that, I'm visiting Tel Arad.  I love traveling. 

All my love and more to everyone back home,

Rachel

And Now the Real Work Begins!

I have now come to the conclusion that by the end of Marva, I will have cried every single day like a baby from a lethal combination of 9 hours of class a day, treking through Arad in 102 degree sun, and working my ass off in the beautiful, but exhausting Negev Desert. Nevertheless, I am enjoying the torture.  

Arad remains an ever-growing mystery.  It's a tiny city in comparison to Tel Aviv or Jerusalem, but it always seems bigger to me.  There are so many different cultures living in around our apartment complexes, and there're always new people walking around.  Established as an immigrant city, Arad serves as a bit of a middle ground between the incoming and the established citizens of Israel.  Despite the fact that America is technically a "mixed salad" or "melting pot", I feel that it is horribly lacking in diversity compared to the different languages, clothes, and customs of the people of Arad.  Just this week, we've met Russian, Polish, Sudanese, Ethiopian, Bedouin,  German, and Egyptian immigrants.  It's been fantastic!  Taking an Israeli immigration class has definitely increased my appreciation for the stories behind people's journeys to Israel, especially of the Sudanese refugees.  It's interesting to think about the locations of the different cultural communities throughout Israel and how time effects social status and political standing.  For instance, the more urban, successful areas of Israel were originally created by extremely educated Russian immigrants (doctors, professors, etc), and now, those areas are still dominated by similarly educated cultures.  In contrast, because Israel was not prepared to deal with most of the immigrants from Africa, they were shoved into small cities like Arad and Dimona, and were left to figure out life for themselves in a semi-modern world beyond anything they'd ever known.  Between the short history of the modern state of Israel and the massive amounts of immigration waves, the line of "who's cleaning the floors" is certainly an interesting one to follow.  

On the language side of things, my hebrew has improved so much! It's only three days into ulpan, but I'm feeling confident!  Ani ohevet ivrit! Hopefully, I will be able to post more and more in hebrew as time goes on...

One of the downsides to doing Marva, however, is that I'm not volunteering these three months.  Granted, I have more than enough on my plate, but I can't help feeling a slight yearning for the experience when I see my friends go off to tutor english, or work with the Sudanese, or work at Masada or Ein Gedi.  I can't wait to start the actual Marva program!!! I want to do something besides sit in class all day and then sleep like a lazy bum!  I have started running again though, so at least that's something.

I have a feeling I'm not making much sense any more, so I'm going to sign off for now.  I miss everyone and I love you all!

Rachel 

 

Needed: How to live in an apt in Arad for Dummies...anyone have one?

Things that have been accomplished in the last two days: 

-successfully bought groceries from completely hebrew-speaking clerks (who thought we were hysterical, by the way...)

-understood my medical insurance

-killed two monster roaches with the help of broom-wielding roommates

-signed up for classes! 

-class one: ulpan (hebrew) 9-12

-class two: IDF the myth and the reality 1:30-3

-class three: immigration in israel 3:15-6

-discovered the very scary mold behind our refrigerator that we are now sure is going to come to life in the middle of the night and devour us...

-went out with friends to our first israeli bar (kinda sketchy down here, but it was awesome!)

-ate a much needed magnum ice cream bar =D

Arad is all around wonderful.  The people are very nice, but not really sure why we would want to be down here. They keep saying they're sorry for us, hmmm... 

Our apartment is in a really nice area, and we have a living room, a kitchen, two bathrooms, and three bedrooms.  I really like it, and for six of us, it's pretty comfortable!

This first week has been crazed because of all the orientation meetings, but we'll be on a set schedule starting sunday, and I think that will make everyone much, much happier.  

Marva, the Army training program, doesn't start until october, so no worries till then!  I'll just be taking nice, safe classes for the next month and daring to learn how to use a mop. 

I miss everyone a lot, but it's only the first week, so that's still normal, I guess.  

CALL ME!  My number is 011-972-052-609-2320 (this includes the country code and the area code, just dial exactly this!) 

Love you all!

Rachel