Life in Israel through the mind of a travlin' teen

Zichron Yakov and a Classified Naval Base

2010-04-27T19:34:00.002+03:00

27/4/10

On today's siyur, we traveled north to the wine country around Zichron Yakov, and the official Naval Base in Haifa. Israel makes some fantastic wine. With the climate of Napa Valley and the required extra processes that are needed to make the wine kasher, the wines we tasted today were EXQUISITE! It was a little pathetic that most of the group was chugging the stuff to get drunk before lunch, but hey, it's YC, what can you do?

Zichron Yakov is an adorable, beautiful town, surrounded by wineries and containing interesting history - one of the houses nearby was used as an underground Haganah station before the creation of Israel, and is now a museum. Zichron also has the best ice cream in Israel (even though they're changing it into a local chain *sad*), and it was DELICIOUS!

By the time we got to the Naval Base, I was exhausted, but it was still interesting to see. I could never be in the Navy. Besides my issues with being in the army in general, we toured a missile ship, and the claustrophobia alone would drive me over the edge within a few hours! I'm in awe of the tzofim who are going to be stationed there next year.

I'm fried for the day, so I'm going to keep this post short, but I just wanted to give a quick update on what's been going on.

Can't believe I'm seeing you all in a month!
Love,
Rachel

KUMA (finally!)

2010-04-20T21:22:00.003+03:00

Okay, so after days of typing, here is the long-awaited Kuma post. My journal from that week explains more than reflection can, so everything below is my words from those days. Enjoy..and comment please!

15/3/10

The Night Before…Liftoff!

The lack of sleep saga has begun. After a goodbye dinner with my roomies at Benedict’s, I scrambled to throw my things together and hopped onto the bus at 1:00 am. Following the orders of a very sleepy Joe, I called everyone to make sure they were ready and sent Joe to bed soundly when everyone was onboard. Even on the ride to the airport, it still hadn’t hit me that I was going to Poland. In a strange way, it still hasn’t.

Right now, I’m sitting in Ben Gurion airpot, waiting for our delayed flight to get going. My eyes are bloodshot, my body aches from sleeping on the ground, and all I want to do is pass out on the plane. Nevertheless, I’m also really pumped to get started. Before I left, everyone asked me if I was excited to leave for Kuma and I never knew what to say. I’m not excited to see horrors that have given me nightmares for years, I’m not excited to cry my eyes out for my people, I’m not excited to finally understand the Shoa on a level beyond books. What then, am I looking forward to? I decided to go on Kuma after the intense ride I went through with “Friedl” and “Through Children’s’ Eyes”. After feeling almost enmeshed with the Shoa and Terezin during these performances, I applied for Kuma looking for some form of closure. Now, after seeing how different I am after six months of Year Course and hearing peoples past accounts of Kuma, I’m not sure if closure is possible. I’m not going to deny that this scares me a little. My reaction to the Shoa in the past has been unbelievably powerful, and a huge part of me is still terrified that I won’t be able to handle the things we’re going to see. I suppose I won’t die from crying, but the depression surrounding such intensity is intimidating.

Finally, I’m sitting on the plane. Seat 19D. Around me are chanichim from all three sections who all have their own reasons for embarking on this week of insanity. In four hours, I’m going to be walking off the plane and onto the land where six million of my people were brutally murdered. I’m going to walk proudly into a still largely anti-Semitic country with Israeli soil caked into my boots from our last tiyul. In a matter of hours, I’m going to be standing in places my own family stood 100 years ago. What would they think if they could see me now? I can only hope that the knowledge I gain in the next seven days and my determination to pass it on will be enough to make them proud of me. This trip is for David and Judith Schoenzeit, Leslie, Eli, Ela, Petr, Hana, Tella, Teddy, Friedl, and most of all, for the future me who will continue to tell these stories.

15/3/10

Yesh Eretz K’mo Ze? (Is there a land like this one?)

After and incredibly long day/night of travel, we finally arrived in Poland. There was a snow storm last night, so overlooking the country during landing felt like staring down at a winter wonderland. I almost lost my passport on the plane (props to me…) but the flight attendants were awesome and I got it back without any problems. At baggage claim, we threw on coats, scarves, hats, and gloves and started our journey… It’s fucking freezing here…

Driving through Warsaw was surreal. The city was snow-covered and modern, and if I didn’t know I was in Poland, I probably wouldn’t have guessed. It felt strange to be so mesmerized by a place that holds such a terrible past, but the winter here is breathtakingly gorgeous. I’m happy here…I guess? That sounds strange, but I’m sticking with it.

Our first stop was the Okopowa St. Jewish Cemetery. Usually associated with death and grief, the cemetery turned our to be a surprisingly fun and inspiring place. Rather than mournful, the cemetery celebrated the thriving Jewish population that lived in Warsaw for hundreds of years before the Holocaust. The 2nd largest in Poland, the cemetery is home to 250,000 souls, stretching throughout Polish history. Among the graves were Yitzhak L. Paritz (the revolutionary writer who wrote the first Yiddish fiction), Reb Chayim Solovechik (whose grandson founded Yeshiva University), and members of the Bund (the socialist Jewish movement – all of whom were killed in the Shoa). Along with an inappropriate snowball here and there, it was a great stop.

Next, we visited the Korczak Orphanage. Korczak was akin to Friedl Dicker Brandeis in his heroism involving children. His philosophies inspired and saved hundreds of children from falling into depression or ending up on the streets. When his students were taken to the gas chambers, he insisted on going with them. His love of children still influences education today. I was really moved by the orphanage. It felt nice to be in a place with so much love radiating from it. I learned a little bit more when we read his children’s bill of rights. Sometimes when my moms come home with their stories about the foster kids they work with, Korczal’s words are all I want to scream at the parents.

The third stop of the day was the Umschlagplatz – the train station where Jews from the Warsaw Ghetto would be loaded on to cattle cars and shipped to Treblinka. This was our first exposure to standing on horror’s history. Even on a place where no blood was spilt, it felt almost contaminating to stand in a real, tangible place where Nazis destroyed Jewish lives. It makes me wonder (worry) how I’m going to handle Tykochin and Treblinka tomorrow. Then names on the wall hit me the hardest. The walls of the Umschlagplatz are covered in first names and scattered family names. I saw “Marcia” and “Stephen” (the names of my grandparents) and paused. It made me realize that if my family hadn’t left, those names could have easily been my grandparents…I might not exist today. It was truly humbling and chilling.

The last stop for today was the Nozik Synagogue. Sadly, it’s the last working Synagoge in Poland to still hold daily services. It’s currently being restored, but it’s easy to see its grandeur. During WWII, the Nazis turned it into horse stables, and eventually it was almost destroyed. It’s gross that anyone could do that to a religious building of any kind, but I suppose the behavior’s not surprising since they also turned Torah scrolls into shoe soles…

Today was nowhere near as intense as the rest of the trip is going to be, but after no sleep, it was a great intro to Warsaw and the Polish “feel”. I’m not sure how I feel about being in Poland in general yet. The concept itself is still slightly disturbing, and I don’t see tomorrow helping out at all, but I’m going to try hard to stay open and accept any opinion changes or new perspectives that hit me throughout the week.

16/3/10

They Weren’t Joking

I woke up today, refreshed for the first time in six months. Staying in a hotel definitely has its perks! In a strange way, I felt really excited for the day throughout breakfast. I guess it’s not unexpected, but given where we went today, I felt strange in my anticipation…

Our first stop of the day was the small town of Tykocin. Everything about the place, including the entire bus ride there, was entirely surreal. Looking out the window, I watched the world go from modern Warsaw to Fiddler on the Roof. The snow accented the barns and the woods, and with every second, I felt like I was going back in time. I became so enthralled by the scene that it was almost a cruel dose of reality when the snow-covered phone lines glared at me as glowing white crosses.

Tykocin itself is a bit like Corvallis: small town, Center Square, a few big buildings, and a lot of small town houses. It used to be a center of Polish Jewry – 2,000 Jews beginning with the first settlers in the early 1600s. Today, not a single Jew inhabits the vicinity. Why? In 1941, Germans raided Tykocin in Operation Barbarossa. Every Jew was marched out to the forest and murdered by the Einzatzgruppen in shooting pits. Seeing the town was interesting, but it didn’t prepare me for what was to come. Walking down the snowy path to the shooting pits was almost like a terrifying flashback. I could feel the fear surrounding the place, hear the trucks, smell the death. Looking at the shooting pits, I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t cry because I was too busy wrapping my head around the fact that only a few feet below me, 2,000 people met their ends. The sheer mass overwhelmed me. During Mike’s reading, I felt tears coming, but I pushed them back. It was finally when walking back to the bus that I broke. My head swirled with images of frail, naked bodies, and blood bubbling up from the ground. The freezing cold froze the tears on my face, and for a moment, I forgot the deaths occurred 70 years ago.

Treblinka was the first death camp I’ve ever stepped foot in. Oddly, I wasn’t overwhelmed with emotion. Having been destroyed by the Germans, a large memorial is all that remains of the 800,000 who were murdered there. The most shocking thing about Treblinka was finding my family’s stone. I never thought about my family in relation to the Shoa. They left Poland in the 1880s and had nothing to do with WWII. Seeing the “Augustow” stone, however, made me realize that I probably had distant family who DID die in the Shoa. I’ve never felt more connected to my family history, or more grateful for their bravery than I did at that moment.

More than anything, certain aspects of Treblinka made me just plain sick. The fact that people live five minutes away is disgusting. The fact that the Nazis dressed up the station is appalling. The fact that the curtain to the gas chambers was the cover to an Ark is nauseating. I’m angry at humanity, but hoping to find something besides anger in the coming days. Tachanah Treblinka…

17/3/10

Let Our Fate Be a Warning

Today was the hardest day yet. Fully centered on the events of the Shoa, we spent the day outside – depressed and freezing. It’s never all bad – we make each other laugh, and everyone feels like family, but early in the morning, it’s easy to feel lost in one’s desire for warmth.

The morning was spent looking at the Warsaw Ghetto and the events of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. Just as the Umschlagplatz is nothing but a memorial, the Ghetto is nothing but a single wall that once belonged to a factory. Nevertheless, its impact is not lost. Amidst the modern apartments, the battered, blood-red wall is a symbol of the unofficial death camp. In the frigid weather, it physically hurt to imagine our situation in a summer dress and on 184 calories per day. Being here, seeing everything, I have such respect and awe for the survivors of ANY part of the Shoa. Truth be told, I don’t think I would have had their will power. I don’t think I would have survived.

The second part of the Ghetto exploration was the Mila 18 memorial. During the uprising, Mila 18 served as the headquarters for the resistance, and eventually, it became their tomb when the Nazis bombed and gassed the last of the fighters. I’ve never been fond of martyrs, but after reading the passages today about Mila 18 and the 93 girls who committed suicide rather than be raped by German soldiers, I have much more respect for the concept. When faced with death, I can’t say I know what I would do, but as someone who appreciates dignity in life, I’d like to think I’d try to keep it in death. One of the things that’s always frustrated me about the Shoa is that even when Jews knew they were being taken to their deaths, hardly any fought back, or even tried to resist. Some ran, but for the supposedly most intelligent race in the world, I guess a part of me sadly expected more. I feel guilty for writing this, but its how I feel. This thought brings me to part three – the Rappaport Memorial.

There are two versions of this famous Shoa sculpture. The original stands in Warsaw, and the copy stands in Yad Vashem. The controversy of this dedication comes in its sides. The front depicts strong, God-like Jews (the resistance fighters) and the back portrays that “weak sheep” of the death camps. Many in Israel are still angry at the survivors of the camps for not fighting back. I’m conflicted about this. On the one hand, I can’t blame anyone in the Shoa for their fate, but on the other hand, I wish more had had the bravery of Mila 18. What would I have done?

Our second stop of the day was the death camp Majdanek. This was a completely different experience than Treblinka. My heart almost stopped when I looked out the window today and saw the full-fledged camp. No memorials. Everything was there. The barbed wire fences, the bunkers, the watch towers, the gas chambers, the crematoriums. Everything. Driving into Majdanek almost felt like we ere being taken there ourselves. Walking through the gas chambers, I instinctually avoided walking under the showers, terrified that they would open after 70 dormant years. The place felt like death. The beds held the original mattresses, the walls had fingernail scratchings on them, the gas chambers still held cans of zyclone B. In a separate barrack, thousands of shoes – big and small – piled high to the ceiling. I broke at the dusty laces. Next to the crematorium was a pile of dirt – or so we thought. On November 3, 1944, the “Harvest Festival” took place, and the Nazis murdered 18,000 in a single day (in reaction to the Sobibor revolt). They buried them in shooting pits for lack of time, and when the local people found the bodies, they burned them. The dirt in front of us was actually the collective ashed of 18,000 people…I couldn’t cry, but I did nearly hurl.

To some extent, I feel guilty for not crying more. After awhile though, I became too shocked/sad to cry. It’s easy to cry from the comfort, but to step into the most evil place on earth, it almost feels as though your soul has temporarily left your body.

After dinner in Lublin, we took a quick trip to the local Yeshiva and learned its story. A much happier experience, it felt amazing to look at a page of Talmud in a place of Jewish learning after a horror-filled day. I’m proud of my people. I’m proud to be Jewish.

18/3/10

There Once Was a World

Today was officially dubbed “ridiculously long bus day”, even thought the Madrichim tried to pretend it wasn’t. Making our way from Lublin to Krakow, we spent 11 hours on the bus with three stops in the midst of our journey. The stops were interesting, but still, bus riding was surprisingly intense.

Our first stop was Lejansk – an old Chassidic town. We learned about the Chassidic movement and Rabbi Eli Melech’s influence in Poland. I was surprisingly fascinated by this stop. Even though I consider myself more spiritual than religious, there was something incredibly moving about being in a past center of Judaism and Jewish life. Listening to ancient prayers and seeing the dedication still given to Reb Melech, I was reminded of just how powerful the idea of Jewish community can be. When I wrote my note to the great Rabbi, I truly felt, more a moment, the same magic of the Kotel. It’s humbling to feel moments of massive connection, and even though I’m not a Chasid, I felt a part of their history – of my history.

Our second stop was hard. After much driving, we reached the small town of Bobovo and the small, surrounding forest. We walked for about half an hour into a small enclave of trees and stumbled upon a moss-covered, cracked gravesite. Neglected and forgotten was the mass grave of the Jews of Bobovo. Beneath our feet, completely nameless, lay the bodies of 700 women and children. Mass graves are much scarier than death camps. At the death camps, the bodies are gone, we know much more of what transpired and who was killed, and everyone remembers. Mass graves are different. The people below us had been forgotten, the Kaddish unsaid, the trees erasing their lives from the rest of the world. 700 people simply evaporated. We read quotes from children before the Shoa. It was chilling to realize that all of them had been us. They fought with their parents, didn’t like their vegetables, stressed over school, loved sports and music. I can’t imagine dealing with what they went through at an age when my biggest concern of the day was what the lunch lady would be serving. Would I have had their strength? Their courage?

Our last stop of the day was in Nove-Sacz – the town where one of my peer’s grandfathers was from. It’s really fascinating that so many of us are from Poland. It feels incredible to be returning after so many generations, and under such different circumstances. I hope my family would be proud.

19/3/10

There is Evil in the Air

Auschwitz-Birkenau is the portal to hell. Majdanek was hard. I’d never seen a real camp before, and it felt chilling, but it was nothing compared to today. Everything about the largest Nazi death camp reeks of evil and death. The air is thick with tortured souls and the fear of millions all those years ago. The sheer length of the walk along the train tracks was enough to stop the world around me. With every step, I heard the rumble of the cattle cars and screams of thousands as they struggled to breathe in the crowded, disease-filled cage. The entrance to Birkenau is huge and intimidating. I giant tower atop a red rectangle hovers eerily, surrounded by a double barbed wire, electric fence. Along the fence, every 20 feet or so, are guard towers. The space is sparse and open, and with a gun aimed at your head from every tower, there is no thought of escape. The tracks run down the middle of the camp, where they meet the selection platform and then continue on to the gas chambers and crematoriums by the forest edge. Tens of barracks sandwich the tracks – men to the right, women to the left. The men’s barracks are almost all destroyed – the wood used to make them having been stolen at the end of the war, but the women’s barracks (made of brick) are almost all fully intact. To the right of the men’s barracks, along the way to the crematoriums, are the remains of “Kanada”, the storage area where prisoners’ belongings were kept (hair, silverware, clothes, etc). There are over 30 large storehouses, and each was supposedly stuffed full in its day. Beyond the small forest edge, the death camp continues its horror. In 1944, the Bastards weren’t being efficient enough, so they extended the camp for the 400,000 Hungarian Jews who were executed in the last three months of the war. I diagrammed the basics on the next page for my own future reference, but I don’t think any of these images will soon leave my mind.

My journey through Birkenau was much harder than I anticipated. Having been told Madjanek was the hardest camp, I woke up thinking the worst was over, and while today would certainly be difficult, I was more than capable of handling it. I was wrong.

Before entering the camp, we went up to the highest guard tower and looked out over the entire complex. It’s genuinely shocking how enormous the camp is. I never learned the milage, but it took us about 20 minutes to walk a straight shot, back to front. Walking through the front entrance was one of the more terrifying experiences in the world. The famous brick archway is actually as scary as it looks in the photos. We walked some distance along the tracks until we arrived at the selection platform. Reading testimony in front of one of the actual cars, I felt tears welling up behind my tired eyes. I reached out and touched the old wood, and it felt tainted. Eerie wind blew across, and for the first time, I felt as though I was back in 1943, being shoved off the car and into lines I didn’t understand. Perhaps I made it through, perhaps I didn’t, but regardless, I had to stand in a line, waiting my turn, watching the fate of my loved ones completely helplessly. 1943 me passed the selection, and cried as 2010 me moved towards the women’s barracks in a coma. The barracks were dark, dusty, dingy, and tiny. It was hard to imagine how anyone slept at night. Between the stench, the cold, and the fear, I fear many might have died from pure exhaustion. The biggest breakdown came in the latrine. Holes in a counter top, the latrine was essentially a giant pit with concrete holes over it. Hearing the stories of the degrading things that occurred involving human excrement, I leaned my head against the window and wept. Death is never dignified, but the least people can do is attempt to make it calm and semi-dignified. The Nazis were not humans. No human can watch another human drowning in his own excrement and laugh. No human can use another’s mouth as a target in piss-aiming practice and to sleep with a clean conscience. More than ever, the question that weighed most heavily on my mind was how could someone do this? How could a living being ever justify taking another life? We left the latrine, but I couldn’t stop crying. The camp was finally real. Birkenau was no longer a place of legend – one that I could attempt to distance myself from. The millions who lost their lives; their souls, were now a part of mine; their stories no longer foreign, but physically real. I cannot pretend to completely understand their suffering, but I can say that the degree to which I felt a part of Birkenau in those moments was almost unbearable. When we were given personal time and asked to write a letter, it took 15 minutes just for my hand to stop shaking, for my tears to stop falling. Eventually, I wrote my letter to Ela Weisberger, a survivor of Terezin and Auschwitz. I didn’t know what to say, so I just spilled all of my conflicted emotion and tried to express how in awe I was of her and other survivors.

Our next stops in the camp were the ruins of the far gas chambers and crematoriums in the back of Birkenau. Thankfully, they’re too destroyed to enter, but affect was strong enough without the added experience. Some how, even though I was still overcome, I couldn’t cry anymore. It felt as though my body physically couldn’t handle any more death, and so rather than mourn, I had instead become too numb to feel. As a result, the rest of the experience passed in a bit of a blur. We walked through Kanada and the warehouses and finally did our ending Tekes by the ash lakes. I finally snapped back to reality on the way out as I slowly began to realize the impact of what had just transpired. Me, a Polish, Jewish girl, had just passed through all of Birkenau and come out without a scratch (at least physically). That realization felt like an extremely satisfying “fuck you” to every Nazi who ever so much as glared at one of my people. That realization also enabled me to eat lunch – something I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stomach after seeing the camp.

After lunch, we drove a few minutes to the Labor/Concentration Camp of Auschwitz. I feel almost guilty in admitting that after the morning, I felt almost nothing at the college-campus-esque Auschwitz 1. In contrast to Birkenau, Auschwitz has been converted into a museum and is dedicated mainly to presenting hard facts instead of emotional stories. Facts are important, but nearly irrelevant to a group of well-educated Jews who are here in Poland to connect to the Shoa, not to learn its logistics. I appreciate the significance of the museum, especially in relation to Holocaust Deniers, it just didn’t mean very much to me. One room, however, nearly knocked all of us onto the floor. In amongst the cold facts, is the hardest room to enter in Auschwitz. In a giant room are huge glass cases with the contents of the Kanada warehouses – including a case holding two tons of human hair cut from prisoners on their way to the gas chambers. Opposite it was a case of children’s clothes. In some of the other cases were suitcases, tallits, pots, pans, and other items. It shoved the reality of six million into our faces. I kept it together, but the impact was definitely not lost.

Tonight, we tried to recover from the day with Shabbas. Shabbat in Krakow was wonderful. For the first time in seven months, it really felt like Shabbat. We got ready, prayed, stuffed our faces, and sang corny songs. For shul, we went to the Rama Synagogue across from our hotel. Even though it was old-fashioned Orthodox and we were stuck behind a wall, a large part of me still loved the experience! Mike led the service and it was great to follow someone we knew. I couldn’t follow along the entire service, but I knew all the basic songs and prayers. After a long week of Jewish destruction, it felt unbelievable to be included in my heritage.

20/3/10

Shabbas Day in Krakow

Got to sleep in till 10:00!!!!!!!!!!!! It was the most amazing thing the world. =D I missed breakfast, but Judith gave me a granola bar, so kol besder im ani. Around 11, we went on a brisk tour of the Synagogues of the Old Jewish Quarter. Among them, we saw the first Shul in Krakow (built like a castle), the first reform synagogue in Poland (extremely cool), and we took a better look at the Rama Shul and its history (also very cool, but hard to focus on as my stomach was being particularly talkative. The reform shul was the most interesting to me. It was amazing to see the roots of Kol Ami (in a way) from hundreds of years ago, and even though it still held remnants of Orthodoxy, it was shocking how at home I felt there.

After lunch (which was intense!), we went to our processing groups to discuss the issue of God in the Holocaust. We read a passage by Eli Weisel and then the interpretations of God in the Holocaust by various Rabbis. Many claimed the Shoa had to have been some kind of punishment, for Hashem never acts without a reason. I was appalled and strongly disagreed. While I try to see a reason behind everything, I have huge issues with a God that would brutally murder 6 million innocent people as an unclear punishment. Regardless of Zionism, or assimilation, or competing Jewish factions, there is nothing in human history that justifies genocide, no matter what culture or people. I had a hard time with the processing group, but it raised a lot of great questions that are now part of my never-ending food for thought.

In the afternoon, a few of us went on a tour of non-Jewish Krakow. It was awesome! We walked by the place where “Schindler’s List” was filmed, saw the Wawel Castle, heard the legend of the Krakow Dragon, saw the main university, and shopped in the city market square. We even saw dressed-up Polish soldiers – which was oddly unsettling for reasons I don’t understand. Unfortunately, with all the fun, we also got our first dose of physical, directed anti-Semitism. Four of us were walking by a bench of Polish men, and as we tried to pass, they stuck their legs out to trip us. When we walked around and away with annoyed faces, they murmured “Juden” under their breath. I didn’t think anti-Semitism was still that strong, but apparently I was really naïve. The event shook us, but we quickly came to realize it wasn’t worth our trouble and moved on.

Kabbalat Shabbat was beautiful. We sang in a circle outside and felt loopy and happy. Afterwards, we went to the Galicia Jewish museum to see a photography exhibit and hear testimony from a righteous gentile. The photography exhibit was gorgeous. An English photographer, Christopher Schwartz, whose grandfather was Jewish, making Chris “Jewish enough for Adolph Hitler”, put it together. Chris traveled around Poland for months documenting Jewish life before and after the Shoa, mainly focusing on places that people either don’t visit often, or that have been completely forgotten. I was really moved by the photographs of the concentration camp, Belzec. Despite the fact that thousands of Jews were murdered there, all that remains is a plowed-over field. It killed me to think that we spend so much time remembering those who died in the major camps, but there are so many nameless victims that we never think to mention.

I didn’t particularly care for the speaker, but I respect what he’s trying to do. His story was hard to follow, but I highly respect the fact that he helped save Jews in his home and as a member of the Partisans. All in all, a fabulous Shabbas.

21/3/10

The Final Day

Today was back to a 6:00 wake up, =( We stuffed our suitcases, ate breakfast, and started the last day of our Kuma Journey. Our first stop was the cemetery at the Rama Synagogue. Originally disappointed at the idea of going to yet another cemetery, I was pleasantly surprised with the experience. We saw the graves that the local population restored after the Nazis raided the place, the five graves that were left standing, the wall made of the unfixable graves, and heard a remarkable story of Yosele the Meiser. We tried to do rubbings of the graves, but they were very unsuccessful…

Our second stop was an old, abandoned Kibbutz. We learned the story of the devour youth who eventually perished there, and had our final Tekes in Poland. I wasn’t enthralled by the story, but I definitely see the merit in being passionate and action-oriented about an issue or issues. I love being passionate about music/arts awareness, animal conservation, and gay rights back home, and I know that these are issues that I will always continue to devote myself to. I also really loved being a part of the final Tekes. It felt great to be able to be part of the expression of the week – the ups, downs, changes, and things to look forward to. Doing the Tekes forced me to think about just how much I experienced this wekk and how much my perspectives have canged. I went on Kuma with a lot of expectations, worries, and questions. The experience was everything I didn’t expect and more than I could have ever imagined. I laughed, I cried, I hugged, I isolated, I grew, I feared, and I did everything I could to embrace the experience and I still wish I could have learned more. I gained an appreciateion for my family and my history that I could never have gotten in Israel. My faith in God was challenged and wavered, but at the end, I find I feel even more spiritual and connected that I did seven days ago. Kuma is a strange catalyst…

Our final stop was the previous home of one of my peer’s family. It was really incredible to see her reaction to the building where her family lived. I only wish I could have been so lucky. Afterwards, we stopped for lunch at this ridiculous tourist spot and I nearly killed myself on Perokies. Fun and yummy, but painful.

Now, we’re sitting in the airport about to head back to Israel to finish our Journey at the Kotel. I’m excited to go back home. After a week of intensity, it’s going to feel incredible to return to Eretz Yisrael. Until then,

Rachel Smith-Weinstein, Witstenetski, Schoenzeit, Siskind.

Yom Hazikaron Part 2/Yom Ha'atzma'ut!

2010-04-20T14:57:00.004+03:00

20/4/10

I'm sitting in my living room writing this at the end of what seems like a mad, continuous day of bipolar holidays. Since all Jewish holidays start the night before, yesterday was the day-section of Yom Hazikaron (the day of mourning for all those who've given their lives for Israel). In the morning, we walked to the Bat-Yam cemetery for the military ceremony for the fallen. It seemed that everyone in Bat Yam knew someone who'd died. The military cemetery was packed, and families surrounded each and every grave stone. Flowers covered the ground and all around, people were dovening and reciting the Yortziet for their loved ones. The people were a sea of blue, white, and the olive of the IDF uniforms. I felt somewhat awkward not knowing any of the fallen soldiers. I felt like I was intruding on the grief of the families somehow. That was in no way true, as many of the families welcomed us to sit and offered to tell the stories of their children, but I still felt very American and out of place.

The official Tekes started at 11:00 when the last siren of the year sounded throughout Israel. Everyone bowed their heads, cars stopped on the highway so their drivers could stand in respect, and the entire world was silent except for the piercing drone. When it stopped, prayers were recited, speeches given, and a chosen IDF tzevet (unit) gave the firing salute before we all erupted in Hatikva (the national anthem). If I hadn't felt Israeli before, that changed after the tekes. Just like Yom Hashoah, Yom Hazikaron connects every Zionistic Jew around the world. Sometimes, it's easy to take Israel for granted, and people of my generation forget that over the years, we've lost hundreds of thousands to protect this tiny snippet of land. Perhaps this yearly revelation is what makes the following day so spectacular.

The second night of Yom Hazikaron is also the transition into Yom Ha'atzma'ut (Independence Day). This is where the country's bipolarism kicks in. In a split second, everyone leaps from deep mourning into intense jubilation! This year was Israel's 62nd birthday! YOM HULEDET SAMEACH YISRAEL!!!!!! Independence Day here is NOTHING like the 4th of July. On the 4th of July, you eat a hot dog, maybe look out your window for a minute to see a firework or two, but you don't lend that much time to thinking about America. Yom Ha'atzma'ut is completely different! In Israel, it's a miracle every year on April 20th. For 62 years, this tiny little country, the size of New Jersey, has fought war after war against all odds, and somehow managed to become one of the most successful countries in the world at the same time. On Independence Day, Israelis celebrate that Israel is still here, that we are all still alive and dedicated to this conflicted country. Last night, the streets of Tel Aviv were packed as street parties raged until the morning. Army bands performed, people cried, and hugged, and kissed complete strangers. Fireworks filled the skies everywhere you looked. IT WAS AMAZING! Definitely my favorite holiday of the year so far.

Tomorrow, things go back to normal, but for now, my friends and I are enjoying the last remnants of the excitement in the air.
All my Love,
Rachel

P.S. It is not okay with me that people keep counting down the days of Year Course on their Facebooks. STOP IT! =(

Yom Hazikaron Part 1

2010-04-18T21:49:00.002+03:00

18/4/10

Yitgadal v'yitkadash shmei raba...

Four words that hang on the breath of every Israeli tonight and tomorrow.

Mourning. It would seem the practice would be second nature to a country of constant grieving. Since even before its Independence in 1948, Jews have suffered unbelievably in these lands. From our exile 2,000 years ago, to the Crusades, to the Entafadas, to the Wars, Jews have covered Israel with their blood, sweat, and tears. Tonight marked the start of Yom Hazikaron - the day of mourning for all those who have given their lives for Israel. Statistically, one in every four Israelis knows someone personally who's died between 1948 and today, but statistics are no more powerful than any other numbers, than even the number 6,000,000. There are families in Israel who've lost multiple children and there are families who've lost none. There are families whose sons have committed suicide and families whose sons have ascended the ranks of the IDF with pride. For every statistic, there is another Israeli story, another face, another history. Bat Yam is one of the smallest cities in Israel, and tonight at the city ceremony, 500 names were read out in remembrance. An easy third of those in attendance tonight were school children. How many of them might be added to this list in 10 years? In 20? In only a few months? With fears of an approaching entafada or perhaps the third Lebanon War, it's impossible to ignore the fact that people my age are enlisting everyday. If I was born here, in my homeland, would I be one of them right now?

Sirens wail, flags flail, and tomorrow marks the saddest day of the year in Israeli culture.
Lizzy and I will write more on our experiences tomorrow,
All my Love,
Rachel

Yizkor

Happenings back at Home!

2010-04-17T22:35:00.003+03:00

17/4/10

So it's been about two weeks since I got back to Israel and I've been absolutely horrible about updating my blog, especially since so much has been going on! When I get my Kuma Journal back, I will post a very long update about my trip to Poland also, but for now, let's start back on April 8th...

The day after I returned, all 300 Year Coursers and our Madrichim went on a tiyul and overnight in a Bedouin Camp. My friends and I chose the hard tiyul, thinking it was going to be a "Year Course Stroll", and were pleasantly surprised when we were hauling ourselves up ladders and wading through algae infested waters. It was oddly satisfying to feel sore the next day. After the afternoon hike, all of us met up at the Bedouin Camp and rode camels! My friend Judith and I went twice and named our camel Wilbur. Judith wasn't crazy about him, but I think he was the greatest camel a girl could ask for. Word to the wise, camel riding is one of the most uncomfortable experiences in the world, but it's totally worth it when your camel starts molesting the legs of the riders in front of you. Muahaha! After camel riding, we sat down to an amazing meal of home-made pita bread, humus, kabobs, and rice. It was bliss! That was followed by massive amounts of tea and a long night of sleep in a cozy Bedouin tent. Considering I was delirious for most of this and still remember most of it, I'd say it was a pretty great trip.

The following week, we started back on our normal schedule. In Bat Yam, we have volunteering and classes everyday (except tuesday, which is still siyur day). Thus, having slept for essentially the entire weekend to get over my jetlag, I was fully prepared to make up games with my elementary school students and giggle my way through class as I succeeded in paying attention and creating flawless doodles all while listening attentively to the hideous songs my roommates managed to stick in my head. Yes, it's that time of year, even in Israel. You know, the time when school work flies so far out the window that the idea of doing homework is almost laughable. Yah, it exists 10,000 miles away. You can't outrun it. Darn it! Meanwhile, my lack of interest in school is slowly giving way to more creativity at work! Having still received no lesson plans from my students' teachers, I've taken to inventing a new english game everyday. So far, I have introduced, categorical competitions, madlibs, english tic tac toe, and random ice breakers. It proved incredibly useful to remember that as long as you include a competition aspect in any game, children are likely to immerse themselves in it. It works with 18-year-olds too, but we don't like to admit that. ;)

On a more serious note, April 11th was also Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day). Essentially disregarded in the states, Yom Hashoah is a national holiday in Israel. The country stops, sirens wail, millions recite the Yortzeit (the Jewish memorial prayer), and candles are found in every window. For those of us who went on Kuma, the night held an even more poignant meaning. Yom Hashoah has always been important to me, but after being through a week of intensive immersion in the subject, I found myself deeply affected by the reactions of my fellow year coursers to the idea of remembrance. I ended up writing my Tekkes (ceremony) speech on just that. I think it's better to just post the speech here rather than explain everything:

Recently, several people have mentioned to me the idea of being “over-holocaust-educated”, or numbed, in a way, against repetitive horror. Before going on Kuma, I also entertained the idea of becoming callused because I went looking for closure regarding my own questions about the Shoa. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve come to realize that the idea of closure on the Holocaust is foolish, and indeed, I now have more questions and more conflicts than ever before.

I can’t say that I am immune to numbness. I didn’t cry nearly as much as I thought I would in Poland and I can walk through Yad Vashem without being constantly engaged – even at times complaining of boredom. This idea, however, is extremely unsettling. It’s human to distance oneself from tragedy so as not to be overwhelmed, but distance to the point of apathy threatens to undermine the main goal of Holocaust education – to be knowledgeable ambassadors of a tragedy the world is slowly denying.

On this Yom Hashoah, I’m reminded that it doesn’t matter how many times the story is told, because there will always be someone who needs to hear it. Everytime I feel bored in a Holocaust museum, there will always be someone in the next room in tears from their first time. Tonight, as we light these remembrance candles, I’m seeing them in a new light. It doesn’t matter how many candles we light, or how many history lessons we take. The important thing is to try to find something new, something just as important as the number 6,000,000 with every revisit, and sometimes to accept that the memory of the Shoa can’t be over taught because it can never be fully understood. Maybe thinking we fully understand is the first step to realizing we’re not thinking hard enough.

These ideas stuck with me for all of Yom Hashoah, especially as we sang Hatikva. More than ever before, the Israeli National Anthem brought me to tears because for the first time, I thought of all the people who sang the hopeful tune on their way to the gas chambers, never to see the idea of Jewish state fully realized. I looked around, and many of the people who'd gone to Poland were crying or on the brink of doing so. I don't know that I'll ever be able to make it through another Yom Hashoah without being re-immersed in that surreal week.

On Tuesday, the 13th, a group of us headed north towards Lebanon for a hike through Nachal Ziv. The beautiful, green, rocky, intense trail is part of the Yam al Yam (Sea to Sea) trail that I did in 2008. It winds along a valley and underneath old ruins of the cliff castles of the Crusaders. It was absolutely breathtaking! We climbed over rocks, across streams, through mud, and through pricklies! We also learned stories of how the oak leaf came to be a heart and why the oak tree and the "ela" tree (not sure what it is in English) always grow together. The first is ridiculous and depressing, so I'm skipping it, but the second was beautiful. An old couple gave shelter to a beggar one night and the next morning, he revealed he was an angel and offered them anything. They wished only to spend the rest of eternity together, so he turned one into the "Alon" tree and one into the "Ela" tree. If you look, one never grows without the other.

That afternoon, we stopped in the port, crusader city of Akko. I've been before, but I've never gone into the inner city - the shuk, etc - and it was spectacular. The Kanafe was TO DIE FOR! True, it meant walking past many a sketchy Arab stand, but it was worth it...SO worth it. Afterwards, we walked down to the port, sat on the rocks, and looked out at the perfectly blue water. Times like those are what make me fall more and more in love with this incredible country. The beauty here is simply indescribable and I've never seen anything like it in the states. The sand is soft, the water blue, the greenery everywhere. One can almost understand why so many have killed for a piece of this paradise.

Wednesday and Thursday went by slowly...class may be threatening to kill me soon...

The weekend was fabulous though! Friday morning, Lizzy and I went to Yafo (Jaffa) and shopped around the antique shuk. I bought beautiful presents for you back home, and a couple for myself as well...but that couldn't be helped... ;) We ate lunch at Abu Hassin, which has the best Humus in Israel. I've never eaten so much pita in my life! Afterwards, we ran to Shenkin Street in Tel Aviv where Lizzy got a dread lock and I got a hair wrap. I was too chicken to get the dread. It was so nice to have a day of nothing but fun after a slow, intense week! That night, a bunch of us gathered for a spontaneous barbeque on the beach, and I learned that there is no such thing as "too sandy to eat". Thus, if your hot dog rolls off the grill, you eat your sandy hot dog!

On Saturday, Lizzy and I went over to visit Maya (the Tzofa who lives with us) and her parents. They've become like a second family to us, and it's wonderful to have a house to go to where you feel welcome, you laugh constantly, and the food is always coming. It's also fascinating to talk to Israelis about their perceptions of America. They think we're insane for wanting to make Aliyah, and we think they're insane for insisting that America is nothing but movie stars and glamour. Ah, world images...

That's all for now, but I'll have much more to say soon after Yom Hazikaron and Yom Ha'atzma'ut!
Love,
Rachel

The American Culture Shock

2010-04-07T20:37:00.002+03:00

7/4/10

What the hell just happened? A week ago, I was ready to walk back to the states, and now, I can’t understand whatever made me want to leave Israel. Most puzzling of all, actually, is not that I miss Israel, but that I don’t really miss anywhere. I don’t know where to call home now because nowhere truly feels like home anymore. I lost my love of the states a long time ago, but I didn’t think I would ever become as apathetic about the rest of the world. I don’t think I am, but my current feelings are so conflicted that it seems as though I’m presently unable to render affectionate feelings unto one particular place. It’s highly unsettling to not belong anywhere. I’m not ready to belong in Israel, but I no longer belong in America. I want to belong at Oberlin next year, but I’m terrified of post-year-course-trauma and the horrible feelings of displacement that past participants have described during their collegial years. I know I’ll eventually adjust, as I always do, as everyone always does, but I can’t shake the itch that something is now so drastically different about me that I may never be able to fully acclimate myself to US behavior ever again. Here’s how break went down…

I flew back from Poland early on the 22nd, slept for most of the day, shlepped back to Jerusalem on the 23rd for the Hadassah interview I mentioned previously (different post on that), schlepped back to Bat Yam, threw clothes into a couple bags in unparalleled disarray, caught a few hours of sleep, hopped in a taxi with my friend Rebecca at 4am on the 24th, wandered through Ben Gurion airport (thank God for travel buddies!), finally got on the plane at 9am, flew to London (Heathrow Airport can go *$%^ itself), relaxed at the bar at TGIFs, flew to JFK on one of the longest flights of my life, ran off the plane, hugged my grandparents, drove to my mom’s apartment, threw my stuff down, snuggled with my kitten, and died. That was travel day.

The next morning, the confusion began. I awoke on the 25th to absolute quiet and had no idea where I was. After seven months of sleeping through noise in the morning, I didn’t understand the lack of chaos around me. I didn’t understand why my bed was so big, or why something fuzzy was nuzzling me, or why I could smell coffee before I was fully conscious. In an odd way, it almost felt like waking up in a five star hotel, which, in essence, is where my conflictions began. The hardest thing about this whole week was how easy everything seemed – or perhaps, even, how fake. I can’t say that seven months completely erased my American mentality, but I didn’t realize just how much I’d strayed from my old environment until I stepped off the plane in New York. Even just driving home, the world looked vacant. Walking through the terminal, instead of hearing the engaging arguments about everything from politics to the prices of vegetables, there were girls complaining about how they only had three pairs of sunglasses. Looking down at my luggage, I felt guilty for complaining that I had so many things to pack. Did I really come from a world where it’s socially acceptable to complain about having too much? Where the quantity of “too little” is really more than most people dream of in a lifetime? When I woke up to the smell of coffee, I was terrified by the part of me that reverted into my old mindset of “oh good, there’s coffee”. No “thanks mom!”, no “oh, I’ll make coffee”. Was I really the girl who seven months ago didn’t even want to bring her dishes to the sink? Who didn’t know how to do laundry? Who never gave a second thought to how much money her parents were spending on her? Was I really that person?

My time in NYC proved fun, scary, and invigorating. So many things sent my mind awhirlin’! My first real day back, Julie took me to the Natural History Museum and I got a NY hotdog from a street vendor (the only way to get hotdogs in NYC). I just have to say, it doesn’t matter how many times I go, the Natural History Museum never gets old. Even though I’ve seen some of the exhibits over 10 times, I still marvel at all the geeky facts one can soak up in a day within those majestic walls. The new live reptile exhibit was AMAZING! I spent a good 15-20 minutes finding all the camouflaged geckos in the Gecko Dome… More than momentary enjoyment though, the thing the NH museum does best is reaffirm my love of biology. I’ve found that every time I flip-flop back and forth between music and science, I have to reassure myself that I still love both of them. Going to the theatre accomplishes the first, and going to the NH Museum accomplishes the second. I suppose I shouldn’t need to reassure myself of either passion, but it can get confusing at times (not going into this saga again, however…).

The next major event, although not too thought provoking, happened on the 27th. Turns out, all these years of being a bad Jew finally caught up with me and now, I’m allergic to shellfish. One meal at Red Lobster and I ended up costing us our closing night theatre tickets and earning Julie and I a stressful (and drugged up) night in the ER. Not fun. At all. Needless to say, I won’t be having shrimp again, although I must admit it was slightly exciting to have my first ER experience! That’s sad…

The next night, we made up for our theatre loss with cheap tickets to “Sondheim on Sondheim”. Essentially, this was my equivalent of the NHM for the music half of my divided self. Some people are just blessed with a type of genius that is unparalleled in any other being. Stephen Sondheim is one of those people. Hands down. The night was a night of amazing music, tear-jerking performances, buckets of laughs, and the amazing chance to meet BARBARA COOK! For those who don’t know who Barbara Cook is, you have some serious googling to do. Alright, I suppose reading this paragraph, America does have some perks…

On the 29th, I braved my first Siskind family seder since 1997. It was slightly terrifying, very yummy, but ultimately, socially disappointing. I enjoyed the company of most of the people there (my cousins, etc), but having not grown up amongst most of my family, I didn’t feel the connection and nostalgia to the whole event that my mom and grandmother did. It makes sense that I would feel this way since almost all of my family members are strangers to me, but I can’t help but feel some sting of regret/guilt that I simply don’t feel the need to be close with my relatives. I love the ones I grew up with (parents, grandparents, and some cousins), but other than that, I’m thrilled to have my surrogate family of tight-knit friends and mentors who I love as if they were my flesh and blood. Perhaps that’s because of growing up with only one biological parent and accepting early on that love has little to do with genetics, but for whatever reason, I’m happy to have the family that I have, and even though it may seem sad that I’m basically forsaking the majority of my blood-relatives, I think for me, it’s an okay thing to do. That’s definitely a decision made by YC Rachel. =D

After a few hours of reflection the next day, it was off to Los Angeles. By now, I’m wondering if half my ramblings are the result of the tremendous amounts of flight radiation I’ve received in the last two weeks…hmm. Going back to Los Angeles was surreal. Stepping off the plane, a part of me smelled the L.A. air and squealed with delight and another part of me went “what the ^&*% am I doing back here?”. By the end of the week, after days of visiting old places, meeting with dear friends, and just having a moment back in my old life, I realized that while it was fun to visit L.A., I don’t miss it at all now. I miss the people dearly still, and I can’t wait to see my friends again in two months, but I really don’t care about going back to L.A. Is that bad? I know that when I was there, I said I missed L.A. terribly, but after feeling the elated feeling of home flying over Tel Aviv today, I think my missing was more memory than present. I’m not sure how I feel about this yet. I don’t know if I’m ready to say that Israel is home yet. Is it even home? Sitting in my apartment in Bat Yam now, and listening to the sounds of crazy Russian and Hebrew arguments outside, I feel more at home than sitting in NYC or LA. For now though, I’m going to try not to dwell on it. I still have two more months in this amazing country, and I don’t want to spend too much of it pondering about spring break. Until tomorrow!

A full day and wonderings about volunteering

2010-03-11T20:50:00.002+02:00

11/3/10

Today, I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and sleep walked to volunteering. I've been overly lethargic lately for reasons I don't understand, but I'm hoping that will go away soon. My volunteering partner had a doctor's appointment, so I was alone with the kids today. I didn't feel out of my element, having been in a classroom situation with elementary students for several years back home, but I still found myself frustrated. It's very difficult to be an out-of-class tutor when you have no idea what's going on in-class, no one seems to want to explain to you what's going on in-class, you get new kids every 45 minutes, and you get groups of three kids who are all at drastically different levels. It's hard. There's just no other way to describe it. I understand that the levels issue is an issue for the teachers as well, but with all the factors bunching up together, it's almost impossible to find a way to reach all the pupils in a fun and effective way. Does anyone have any suggestions? Please let me know! I really want to make this volunteering placement work... It did make my day to get massive amounts of hugs from my last group of girls though. I love little kids! So cute!

We started Ulpan today as well. I'm slightly peeved at the way the class is run, but I suppose there's never a perfect language class. Some things are too fast, some things are too slow, and for most of the class, I'm perfecting my doodling skills, but hey, if I can learn something in the two and half hours I'm there, I guess it's worth it. =D

After class, my roommates and I discovered that going grocery shopping on a thursday night is a stupid, stupid, stupid idea. The day before Shabbas is RIDICULOUS! Imagine Costco on black friday..... Needless to say, we made it out alive, and we managed to get free soy pudding, but we are NEVER repeating this experience...EVER!

I'm leaving for Kuma this upcoming Sunday night. I'll have a lot to say on that in a couple days when it fully sinks in. In the meantime, it's the weekend, and I'm excited for street fairs, sleep, beach, and food at my Scout's family's house!

Endless Love,
Rachel

Starting Volunteering and Classes for the Last Time!

2010-03-10T18:04:00.002+02:00

10/3/10

Here's the dealio for the rest of Bat Yam:

I told you before that I'm working at an elementary school. Today was my first day there, and it was great! The kids are adorable, and while it's going to be challenging since Israeli children are insane, I'm excited to try something new and exciting. Today, me and another volunteer were introduced to our first class of 5th graders. We taught them family members and body parts, and taught them the song "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes"! It was cute! I think I can find a niche for myself at the school. But only time will tell!

I'm excited to have classes again! I ended up being placed in "King David: War, Women, and Song" and "God Talk". I switched out of the first one, though, since it bored me to tears. I'm now taking "Jewish Thinkers" in my first slot. "God Talk" is a fantastic class. We looked at people's questions about God and how we would address them in the coming weeks. We then listened to our first song, "God Said No", and talked about what the composer's theology portrayed. "God Said No" deals with the concept of wanting to go back in time to change things, but eventually accepting that the only thing we truly have control over is the present. I really loved this song. Not only was it beautiful, but it highlighted the idea of 'everything happens for a reason', a concept which I try to live by, but often need to be reminded of. I think I'm going to love this class.

Today, I was also recruited to be a volunteering spokesperson for Hadassah. Essentially, I'm going to be interviewed in the coming weeks, and in July, I'm going to go to the Young Judaea convention in Miami to talk about my experience on Year Course. Despite my issues with the YJ/Hadassah relationship and its implications, I'm excited to have this opportunity!

Endless Love,
Rachel

Bug bites, Volunteering, and very very very Successful Cooking

2010-03-09T20:42:00.002+02:00

9/3/10

So today, I woke up with bug bites in ridiculous places. I got bitten on my EAR! WTF?! How did the mosquito get there?!?! I have several on my back, arms, legs....fhdsajfkhdsajfkdsalhfjdskalfhdjsaklfhdjsakflha.

Anyway... I'm volunteering at an elementary school teaching English. It wasn't my first choice, but I think it could be fun. I'm going to see how it goes and figure things out from there. I start either thursday or tomorrow, but I'll let you all know how it goes!

I made baked eggplant parmesean and babaganoush tonight as well!

Okay, this is a really short post, but I promise I'll try to make the next one longer. I'm just not in a writing mood right now.

Much Love,
Rachel

Two Days in the Carmel Mountains (aka Middle Earth)

2010-03-08T19:34:00.002+02:00

8/3/10

Yesterday morning, we set out bright and early for the Tzofim Center in the Carmel Mountains. After waking up at 6:30 for the first time in months, I passed out on the bus in Bat Yam and woke up in the Lord of the Rings. Seriously. The Carmel Mountains are lush, green, and surreal, with a supernatural feeling about them - as if you've stepped back in time. My camera died on the first picture, so unfortunately, I won't be able to show you what it looked like, but perhaps it's better that way. Our first hike (if you can call it a hike) was a 3 hour stroll to/through the Peace Farm. It's an old mill that now serves as a sort of museum for old milling tools and a tourist spot along the hiking routes. We stopped there to learn a little and eat lunch, and then finished our walk. I really can't call any of these treks 'hikes' as they were all flat and slightly downhill, but I suppose YJ has to compensate for everyone.

In the afternoon, we arrived at the Tzofim Center. Essentially, it was a summer camp setting that serves as the equivalent of a boy/girl scout center (although the tzofim are much more than boy/girl scouts in my opinion). At the center, we played a bunch of team games with the scouts, most involving ropes. They're a bit obsessed with the ropes up there...we had to jump over them, climb through them, untangle them, support giant cages with them... It was intense. We then split into three groups: one for cooking, one for ceremony, and one for fire signs. I went with the cooking group and proceeded to spend five hours lighting fires, shredding/chopping veggies, and finally making veggie patties. It took forever, but it tasted fantastic and was totally worth it! Dessert was baked carmel apples...mmmm..... After dinner, we all gathered for a giant tribalish fire dance/sign. It was AMAZING. Celebration of the "Lama Lo". No one has any idea what that means.....

This morning, we were all sore from sleeping on a wooden floor, but we dragged ourselves out of our sleeping bags and prepared for today's 'hike'. We set out early and hiked for a couple hours through a super muddy area of Middle Earth. It was absolutely gorgeous, stunning, mezmorizing, and many other words! Not much of a walk, but completely worth the views. Afterwards, we hopped back on the busses and headed back to camp to make lunch. We rolled pita bread balls, made fires, and made our own pitot. It was yumminess.

Now, I am freshly showered and ready to zzzzzzzzz. =D
Lots of Love,
Rachel

Welcome to Bat Yam!

2010-03-04T00:58:00.003+02:00

5/3/10

We are moved into Hadaddi 13! Bat Yam is fantastic and already feels like home. I love my roommates, and I think these last three months are going to be great. Bat Yam is an interesting mix between Jerusalem and Arad. It's small and cozy, but still a city. We're in a nice location. We're surrounded by parks, a five minute walk from the YC offices, a 20 minute walk from classes, and a 10 minute walk from the mall (which is basically the central meeting place). We're on the fourth floor, and sadly, the stairs are slightly exhausting, but at least my legs will get toned!

Yesterday, we had our first orientation. We met the staff, chose our classes, went shopping, toured Bat Yam, and played some extremely unsuccessful games. The Madrichim for this section are supposed to be the strictest of the sections, but so far, they seem fantastic. My Madrich is Joe, and he's hysterically fun. Mifgashim are going to be good times. I don't know for sure what my classes are going to be yet, but I signed up for "The Arab/Israeli Conflict" and "God Talk". The first is a politics/history course that deals with the various conflicts that have led to today's tension and the current issues that are slowing down the peace process. The second is a bit of a hippie-sounding class, but I think it'll be great for me. "God Talk" looks at how perceptions of God have changed over time and how that can be seen in music of various eras. Hopefully, I'll get these classes! I'm also happy to report that I went on my first stress-free grocery shopping trip in three months. Go new apartment! We have TONS of food, and I'm very excited for all the cooking that's going to happen around here. Mmmmm....

Today was friday, and so we got to relax and enjoy our first weekend in our new home. Some friends and I got up a little early and bussed to Tel Aviv to check out the Carmel Shuk (the cheapest shopping area in Israel) and the Artist's Fair (a street next to the shuk that hosts artists' booths every tuesday and friday morning. I bought a bunch of presents and a few trinkets for myself. Mische will be very happy, as I finally bought her the Aladdin pants she's been wanting. =D In the afternoon, we came back sleepy and rested until dinner. We made Blondies (undercooked brownies) for the big section Shabbat dinner - which was great! All in all, a really great day.

Bat Yam is a very happy place. We live in an area with a lot of families, and even though it's one of Israel's poorer neighborhoods, it still feels very welcoming. It's still sketchy and we're not allowed to walk alone at night, but in a way, that just adds to the exciting energy of the place. My roommates and I are very motivated to make the most out of these last three months, and even if it means spending a little more, we're planning trips for several weekends in April and May - including paragliding! It feels strange to know that this is the last place I will fully unpack in Israel, but at the same time, three months is a really long time, and there's so much potential, especially with the Scouts to help us out.

Until tomorrow!
All my Love,
Rachel

"Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you. Forget the dead you've left behind, they will not follow you."

2010-03-02T18:52:00.007+02:00

2/3/10

Sometimes, it takes a moment of unbearable frustration and tears to make way for the ability to move on. Sometimes, it's easy to feel so stuck in a situation that it's easy to say "I can't do this!" or "I just want to give up and go home...". Sometimes, and only sometimes, it's possible to become so overwhelmed that all you can do is scream to the sky to stop the world so you can get off, only to realize that in the time it took you to yell pointlessly, the world kept going, and now things are even more messed up than they were. And sometimes, after all of this negativity and pointlessness, it's possible to see that the part of you that's not about to jump off a cliff is a lot stronger than you give her credit for, and when all is said and done, the best day of your life and the worst day of your life are both 24 hours long.

These past three months have been a test in every way. Living with such a large group of people, learning to navigate a complex city, pushing my tolerance limits, dealing with my changing opinions, missing home but not wanting to go home, and in general just being thrown into a pool of things I've never had to handle before. I've been so tossed and turned that I'm not entirely sure who I am anymore, and it scares me. Moving to Bat Yam means a lot of things, many of which I mentioned in my last post, but more than anything, it means the beginning of the end of YC. The thought that Jerusalem went by in a mili-second and now we have that same amount of time left is honestly a bit mind-blowing. I know I say that a lot, but it's true! None of my years in high school ever went by this quickly, and considering that when I came for the first time, five weeks seemed like a lifetime, I think it says a lot about how much I've changed that I can look at the next three months as an incredibly short amount of time. You have no idea how strange it is that the next time I pack up all my things, it will be to load them onto a plane to go home. I almost wrote "to go home to face reality", but I don't even know what reality is anymore. I used to think reality was wherever I found myself in a given moment, but now I'm not sure. Everyone keeps saying that I'm still preparing myself for "real-life", but when does "real-life" start? Am I not really living yet? Is being on my own in a foreign country still not enough to qualify? I'm still coming to terms with this question. In some ways, I want to go home, get an apartment and start my life, but in other ways, I feel like I'm still not even ready for college. It's a strange in-between...

All I can say for now is that tomorrow is moving day...
All my Love,
Rachel

Hag Sameach! Purim and Rosh Chodesh!

2010-03-01T22:20:00.002+02:00

1/3/10

IT'S MARCH!
-6 months in Israel reached!
-3 months left in Israel!
-13 days to Kuma!
-2 days to Bat Yam!
-So many feelings, I don't know what to do with myself!

I'm excited because I'm moving on to new things, I'm sad to be leaving Jerusalem, I'm nervous for Kuma coming up so quickly, I'm conflicted about getting closer to going home, and I'm so exhausted from not sleeping that a part of me would honestly just like to curl up for the next week. I think in a lot of ways, I'm just not sure where I belong anymore. When I think about going home, it's hard to think about people and places in a way that goes beyond a simple visit. On the other hand, when I think about staying here, I can't help but want to go home. Where is home though? I'm a firm believer that home is where the heart is, but right now, my heart doesn't know what it wants. I want the people I love, but being with them in the way I used to would keep me from moving on. I want to be in the places I love, but I also love jumping from place to place. Perhaps to keep my mind occupied, but also just to see things and be constantly stimulated. I'm terrified of staying here because the more YC goes on, the less I know who I am, but I'm terrified of going home because I'm afraid I've changed so much that I won't be able to connect with any of the things I'm missing. I think right now, I miss being safe more than anything. I miss the old me because she was so sure of who she was, her likes, her dislikes, her dreams, her desires, her values. Now, I've become so imbedded in the gray areas of my mind that I've invented a new color! I wish I knew what to do, but at this point, the only thing left to do is to simply wait certain things out and see what happens.

Bat Yam is going to be a completely different experience than Jerusalem or Arad. Bat Yam is the ruralness of Arad with the city of Jerusalem and the complications of clashing cultures and poverty....and the beach of course. We're also going to be in close proximity to Tel Aviv and Jaffa, which adds more options for nearby adventures. Hopefully, because the apartments will be smaller, it will be easier to manage. I'm rooming with Lizzy, Ari, Shaina, Celine, and Maya (a tzofa - Israeli scout). The apartment itself will be smaller (three girls to a room instead of the usual two), but I think the group of us will be just fine.

This weekend was Purim! Okay, first, I need to explain what Purim is and why this ridiculous holiday is so important to me. Purim is the celebration of Esther saving the Jews of Persia from genocide by the hands of the evil Haman. Traditionally, we celebrated with wine, costumes, and a reading of the Megila (the scroll that records the story). Back home, the highlight of Purim, and perhaps the highlight of the entire year, is our Purim Spiel (play) where we act out the story. This sounds simple and unexciting, but Kol Ami Purim Spiels are different from anywhere else. Every year, our cantor, Mark, rewrites a musical and twists the story into a rioting, inappropriate fiasco with drag queens, jokes, and a solid dose of political banter. The first spiel I was in was my first stage appearance, and I still remember my one line that I ran up at the end to blurt out in a stage-fraught frenzy. That year was also the year of Julie's infamous gefilte fish costume, but we won't go into that... This year, Oliver was chosen for the sacrifice, and even though it's not my favorite musical, hearing the music made me tear a little. I can't explain why this night is so spectacular. It's just the perfect combination of people, mayhem, music, and performance. This year, though, I had to make due without. It was hard, but Purim in Israel ALMOST made up for it...

Purim in Israel is three nights and two days. It started with normal purim on saturday night/sunday day, and the Shushan Purim from sunday night to monday night. It goes without saying that the partying gets intense and sleep is nowhere to be found. Saturday night was an-all night costume party in Tel Aviv, sunday was street parties and another night of, um, frolicking? Finally today was Shushan Purim. There were carnivals, parades, and costumes everywhere! Ben Yehuda was incredible and reminded me a lot of Carnival in Venice. Did this make up for my home-tradition? Meh, not quite. As someone who's not too into the club scene, I enjoyed my Purim, but I still missed my Spiel family back home.

I'm off to finish packing and writing my final paper of the semester.
Endless love,
Rachel <3

Day 176: Hiking, Biking, and a Little Creek! (this should be sung)

2010-02-23T19:25:00.002+02:00

23/2/10

Today we went up north to the Kinneret (the Sea of Galilee), and went on a 30 km biking trip. It was awesome! I fell...twice...in the mud... but it was still glorious! It felt great to exercise and get out on such a beautiful day. Afterwards, we tried to find a secret spring to go swimming, but the government had drained it last week, so instead, we found a little creek and a tunnel and hiked around and splashed. It was a fantastic day, even if I'm now in excruciating pain. =D

My ear is starting to resolve itself. Taking the earring out was definitely a good idea. Hopefully the swelling will go down completely in the next couple of days and my little ears will be all back to normal by Purim.

Too exhausted and in pain to try to be deep tonight.

All my love,
Rachel

Day 175: Birdy Painting, Finals, Chocolate Banana Bread, Time at the Piano, Feeling Better, and a Funky Ear Thingy.

2010-02-22T21:17:00.002+02:00

22/2/10

Today was a complete roller coaster. Volunteering was wonderful. I felt so connected to the place I've come to love most in Jerusalem. I painted these paper mache birds began the process of telling people that it's my last week. I never thought I'd be this sad to leave a volunteer placement, but when I told Alberto that thursday was my last day, he started tearing, and then I almost started, and I felt so loved and appreciated. I can't believe I've spent three months here already! It feels like I started working there yesterday. =( ANI OHEVET HA'YAD L'KASHISH!

Hebrew oral final was today, and after nerves, practicing, and convincing myself that I was going to fail, I actually made it out alive! Hopefully I'll do just as well on the written section on Thursday!

After the stress, I made happy Chocolate Cinnamon Banana Bread. Really, do I need to say anything more on that?

FEELING SO MUCH BETTER! I didn't feel too sick today, and hopefully that means this bug is finally on it's way out for good. On the other hand (warning here, it gets kind of gross), my cartilage piercing also decided to go haywire today, and unfortunately, I had to remove it because I developed what I thought was a blood blister...until I tried to pop it and a bumpy, solid cartilage ball exploded out...eww....Lizzy was a trouper though! She helped me free the goopus. Yay Lizzy!

Tomorrow we're going up north for siyur, and I'm very excited.

Right now, despite some minor inconveniences, I'm pretty content. =D

Lots of Love,
Rachel

Day 174: My body hates me, but Eurovision is awesome! Those have nothing to do with each other...

2010-02-21T21:35:00.002+02:00

21/2/10

First of all, it's blowing my mind that it's the end of day 174. This means: I'm leaving for Kuma in less than three weeks, I'm coming home to visit in a month, and YC sikkum is in three months! sdafhkdjsafhsj! Time freaks me out a lot. I suppose mostly because if this year can go by this quickly, what does that mean for college and the rest of my life? I know I shouldn't be thinking about these things, but my little mind can't help itself.

In the meantime, I still have no idea what's attacking me. I got my voice back in time to sing for my Zionism and the Arts final today, but my nose, beyond-normal exhaustion, headaches, and varying appetite are going to still trying to do me in. Right now, I am lying in bed typing and trying to figure out how I have completely lost sensation of movement in my legs... I'm going to force myself not to miss anything during this last week in J-ru, although that may mean confinement for the first week of Bat Yam. Hopefully not! =(

Today's final was the greatest final ever! We ate, presented our artistic representations of Israel, and watched Eurovision videos. It. Was. Amazing. I could watch Dana International forever! Granted, there were some truly terrifying videos in amongst the gems, but it was a riot to laugh in pain at some of the 70s and 80s work... My hebrew oral is tomorrow. That's in no way going to be as fun.

PURIM IS COMING UP! I'M SO EXCITED! I'm sad to not be at home with my campy performing troup destroying Broadway, but Purim in Israel is going to be incredible. =D Purim is essentially halloween in Israel. Everyone dresses up, drinks, and celebrates with massive mayhem. Traditionally, Purim celebrates the story of Esther and how she saved the Jewish people of Persia from genocide by the hands of the evil Haman. So, in good Jewish fashion, we are supposed to celebrate not having been wiped off the face of the earth by stuffing our faces and drinking wine. Like every other holiday... In Israel. Purim lasts two days! Saturday night to Monday night. Saturday night/Sunday day is regular Purim, and we're all going to the parade in Holon near Tel Aviv. Sunday night/Monday is Shushan Purim, which is Purim in Jerusalem. I still don't fully understand the difference, but hey, no complaints!

Thinking of all of you,
Love,
Rachel

Reflections on Second Kuma Orientation

2010-02-18T11:59:00.002+02:00

This was supposed to be up two days ago, but whatever bug I've been having made its return and bit me in the ass again. I went to the doctor this morning and they took a lot of blood to test for various goodies. Hopefully, I should know what's wrong with me soon.

On Tuesday, the Kuma gang spent the day at Yad Vashem. We heard from a survivor, toured the museum, looked at "how do you return to life after the shoa?", learned a nigun for Shabbas, and had a few logistical sessions. Props to me, I made it through the museum without weeping!

The speaker was the same man I heard last week, so I expected to be bored (as horrid as that sounds). Interestingly, I was more intrigued this time than I had been the first. It was strange to see the differences between the two presentations, and how in some ways, in order to tell his story, he had distanced himself drastically from the experience. I don't blame him, but it felt odd to hear the exact same words leave his mouth as one week previous. I think I also listened more intently this time because of something one of our madrichim said before hand. Up until now, I hadn't thought about the fact that my generation is the last generation who will be able to hear first-hand stories of the Shoa. I suppose time should have made that obvious, but I'd honestly never thought about it before. What does that mean? In a world of ever-growing Holocaust denial, the loss of the people who experienced the horror is unimaginable. When a student studies the Holocaust in a classroom, the knowledge is there, but the impact is not. Reading figures in a book, it's easy to read "six million Jews were murdered" and pass it over as another fact to store away for next week's test. Hearing testimony for the first time is completely different. Survivor's words make the Shoa real in the minds of people who can't wrap their heads around that great of a tragedy. Without them, it's up to places like Yad Vashem to work tirelessly to spread Holocaust awareness, bring people to Poland, and force people to see the Shoa as modern history, even if those who experienced it have left us. It was inspiring to hear Asher Ud (the speaker) ask us to be ambassadors for the truth, and make sure that we are educated enough to stand up to Holocaust deniers with hard facts and moving stories.

Walking through the museum was a bit of a surreal experience. The first time I walked through was in the summer of 2008. I was going into senior year, was a bit naive, and while I was moved to tears by the experience, I don't think it hit me in the same way it did as an independent adult, living in Israel, and going to Poland. Everything was suddenly real. Before, walking though Yad Vashem was a bit like walking through a tragic fairytale. I knew it was real, but it was all so overwhelming that I couldn't fully absorb it. This time, every propaganda poster made me furious, every testimony video was a real person, every photo was a real moment in time, frozen to depict horror that no one in my generation will ever truly be able to understand. Walking on the cobblestones from the Warsaw ghetto, I could feel the people who walked on them only 70 years ago. Their footsteps, their memories. After my experiences with "Through Children's Eyes", "Friedl", and "Brundibar", the Terezin exhibit looked completely different. I stared at the glass in front of Petr Ginz's story for a good ten minutes, and almost broke when I saw the photo of Friedl Dicker Brandeis. The most chilling moment was a part of the museum I'd never seen before - the photos and ranks of the men who sat at a table and drafted the final solution (among them, Adolf Eichman). There was something sickeningly mesmerizing about them. These were the men who, although they may have never killed a Jew in person, organized the mass murder of millions in the gas chambers, who took away even the human connection to killing felt by members of the Einzatz Grupen by making death as easy as the push of a button - something that could be done without ever seeing the victims, something that could be done while simultaneously drinking a cup of coffee. The faces of these men were more terrifying for me, at the end of the day, than walking under the sign to Auschwitz.

After walking through the museum, we discussed how people moved on after surviving the Shoa. How does anyone move on from something like that, anyway? Do they ever really? We learned that for many, there was no way out, and they committed suicide after going back to life proved too difficult. For others, the Shoa no longer exists, forever blocked from their memories. Some were able to talk about it/write about it immediately afterwards, and for some it took almost half a century. Why? After the Holocaust survivors were liberated, their suffering wasn't over. Most ended up in refugee camps, and those who escaped to Palestine were met with disdain. The "sabras" (zionist founders) were disgusted that Jews had let the Holocaust happen to them. The resistance fighters were revered, but those who had "merely" survived the camps were almost accused. It's not surprising, therefore that many survivors never spoke a word about what happened to them. Only recently, with the publicity of Holocaust denial, have several survivors come forward to tell the truth, to stop lies from spreading into more anti-semitism (especially in Iran).

The rest of the day was standard, and was mostly taken up by logistical sessions about credits, ceremonies, and flight information. It was still fun to be with everyone, though. The closer Kuma gets, the more excited everyone seems to feel, which is fantastic because a part of me was terrified that I'd start to be nervous instead of anxious as the trip approached. I'm really looking forward to Kuma now, despite the anticipated emotional turmoil to be experienced. I think it will be fantastic!

All my love,
Rachel

Day 168: I'm Alive!...sort of...

2010-02-15T21:17:00.003+02:00

15/2/10

Today I finally crawled out of bed and into the sunshine! I'm not 100%, but it feels good to be well enough to go to Yad Lakashish - it's totally my happy place. <3 Today was hysterical. I started humming while I was working and the whole room joined in! It was awesome! Rebecca and I went to lunch at New Deli (yay for having my appetite back!), and we had afternoon classes. It's been glorious out these past two days! I LOVE IT! Wearing shorts and tank tops makes me happy. =D Tonight was slightly stressful, but I'm going to focus on the thoughts that came up during my Genesis class. Our teacher was rambling a lot today, so my mind wandered a lot, but I read over my wanderings and they were actually quite interesting, and I want to share/explore them.

These ideas are all very disconnected. so bear with me!

We started with Decartes's famous idea that "I think, therefore I am". While a thought-provoking phrase, we focused on the accompanying phrase by Martin Heidiger that "If I think, therefore I am, what calls for my thinking?". An interesting contrast from Decartes's deist view, this idea made me wonder, what does enable me to think? I hold my ability to think very dearly. More than anything, my mind allows me to experience the world in ways that are uniquely mine and mine alone. It also connects me to others through shared ideas, emotions, philosophies, and world perceptions (the sky is blue, etc..). Theoretically, it is God that allows me to think, but in relation to Decartes, what is sacred and divine is that which cannot be understood by mankind. In that case, is God simply a combination of ultimate truths that we strive to discover? I can see that as the "God" behind my mind. What makes people think? The desire to understand. What don't we understand? The scientific and religious mysteries of life. So, I think (subconsciously) to understand the mysteries that books and teachers and life experience cannot explain. In some ways, even ancient text understands this desire to understand the big picture. In classical hebrew, the verbs come before the nouns, so that the emphasis of the sentence is not on the subject, but on the action that is being performed. Thus, when reading the story we studied today of Jacob wrestling with the Angel, Jacob is not as important as the idea of one wrestling with God. I see this as an attempt to show the importance of the lessons of the stories of the Bible rather than the Biblical figures themselves, which is what this class is technically all about.

Somewhere in these wonderings (which were actually related to the class), I drifted off into my own tangent. We mentioned something about the idea of legacy and trees and "what will be here after me". I started thinking about what remains when I'm gone, and I started to scare myself! Death is not scary to me because it's the end of life, it's scary because of the idea of the end of consciousness. The idea that I might one day simply cease to exist is terrifying! This means completely cease, no spirit, no heaven, no looking down on the future, no reincarnation, just poof. Worm food. Well, not for me because I'm being cremated, but that's a different subject... Anyway, it scares me to think of "where do I go?". Not me physically, but me spiritually. The thoughts, feelings, experiences, and soul that make up Rachel (or any other person). Deep down, I don't think we simply "poof". As stupid as it may sound to some, I'm a firm believer in past lives and reincarnation. I think there are parts of some people that are so connected to things that have nothing to do with their own lives that parts of our pasts must stay with us. The unbelievable empathy that I've felt and seen others feel for situations and people that they cannot comprehend on an actual experience level must mean something beyond an open heart. Every show I've done, every song I've sung, I've experienced (and watched others experience) a connection to something beyond my 18 years. What some call "Old Souls" I think are simply people who are more deeply connected to past lives than others. What I started wondering about today was the idea that regardless of whether one was connected to a past life, that a past life could be connected to oneself. That is to say, when I die, will I be able to look through as me into the new me. This makes no sense outside of my head... I think a piece of what I'm trying to say is that sometimes when my conscience is screaming at me, it almost feels like a part of me has already done what ever it is I'm about to do and already knows whether or not to do it, like I've already lived a part of my life and now that Rachel is yelling at current Rachel about her decisions. Now I sound like I have multiple personality disorder.... Oy.... I have no idea if I made any sense, but I thought I would try. Does anything I tried to express make any sense to anyone?????

That's all for tonight. Tomorrow is the second Kuma orientation, and I'm spending all day again at Yad Vashem... hopefully will have a meaningful blog to write tomorrow!

Endless love,
Rachel

P.S. If you're going to be in Los Angeles from March 30th to April 4th, I want to see you! Please email me! <3 <3 <3

Day 164: Sick =(

2010-02-11T18:10:00.002+02:00

11/2/10

Well, living in an apartment of sick people was bound to hit me at some point. It's okay though. It's the weekend, so hopefully I can rest and be back in action by sunday. Hoping I haven't caught Mono. I don't think I have, but it's always possible when living with someone who has it...

Today I was a zombie through volunteering, but I sucked it up because they really needed me there today to help get a new product into the gift shop. I slept for most of the rest of the day, but when I'm awake, I'm entertaining myself by watching "Tin Man" on youtube. I forgot how amazing this miniseries is. I love living in fantasy land.

Probably going back to sleep soon, but endless love to you all!
Rachel

Day 163: Rachel's Blog by Lizzy Feldman. INVASION!

2010-02-10T22:31:00.001+02:00

10/2/10

Hi Rachel's friends and family! Rachel's a little drained right now, so I offered to replace her on the blog writing. First, it must be said that we have the single best room because of our constant dance parties and singing sessions. Secondly, Rachel wanted me to tell you all that Lizzy is the single best roommate ever, not really, but yah. She's always smiling which is nice. And she's now talking in 3rd person. Being with Rachel on Year Course and essentially doing the same things, it becomes apparent very quickly how the people of Year Course make up the experience. I had the fortune of knowing a large number of people on Year Course before arriving because I've been involved with Young Judaea for ten years. On the other hand, Rachel arrived knowing no one. Now however, we are in entirely the same boat. Being a past Young Judaean does not help me. Knowing Young Judaea doesn't make the process any easier. If anything, it is more difficult to break out of the YJ shell. I'm truly grateful that I made an effort to meet people outside of Young Judaeans, like Rachel, because it is these people who I will invite to my wedding. Whatever experience I may remember from YC in years to come will be because of the people I knew here, and had the immense privilege of calling my friends. When I tell people about something I did here in Israel, there is no way to tell it without telling of the people.

I'm running out of things to say.... Awesome dinner at Waffle Bar tonight-- think of a banana split in waffle form... it's pure happiness until the next morning's bathroom stop. I am worth 20 camels, which is a downgrade from the previous 50 I was offered in Jordan, but awesome new purse found!!!!! Rachel is worth 100 camels plus a bracelet, but that doesn't include shipping. And a very sweet man who directed Rachel and I to the nearest ATM in what should have been a 1 minute conversation, but it somehow took more like 20. Rachel continued her present shopping, where as I need to start mine. Al tidag (that means don't worry)- I already know what I'm getting people!!! My dad's getting a Hebrew University T-shirt (he went there in the times of the dinosaurs), my mom will be getting jewelry from the artist's fair in Tel Aviv, not sure about my 22 year old gingy brother (prob a T Shirt too), and friends will be getting cute little chachkas.(I use yiddish on a regular basis by the way). I think that's mainly it...I introduced Rachel to music apart from showtunes and operas!!! SUCCESS!!!! She now has Counting Crows, Ben Folds, Regina Spektor, Barenaked Ladies, Ingrid Michaelson, and many others on her ipod. I am so proud.

That's all for now!!! Rachel's rather a fabulous person, and I'm so glad I get to bother her for the next 3 months too.
Lehitraot Lekulam!!!
Lizzy (the roommate who dances down Ben Yehuda Street) Feldman

Day 162: Yad Vashem, Cleaning Success, and MEXICAN FOOD! FINALLY!

2010-02-10T12:47:00.004+02:00

9/2/10

Yay for surviving Yad Vashem without crying! Step one in the "survive Poland" plan is finished. =D Of course, that's probably because we didn't go into the actual museum, but I can hope that it also means I'm getting better at dealing with the Holocaust. As a group who'd already been to Yad Vashem once, we were taken to a learning center where we sat with one of the Yad Vashem historians and discussed a variety of open-ended questions like "Why didn't the Allies bomb the camps?", "Could the Shoa have happened without Hitler?", "Are there limits on art and the Holocaust and how it can/should be depicted/taught?". Before each discussion, we listened to professional opinions from a variety of people, including Israeli historians, American historians, Rabbis, and Holocaust survivors. Afterwards, we shared our own opinions and entered into several debates. It was fascinating to hear how many of us were of similar opinion on certain issues, but then were ready to slaughter each other over others. Especially over the Art question and how the Shoa should be taught/when it should be taught, there was a lot of tension raised between us. I personally think that depictions of the Holocaust should not be limited by what people think is socially acceptable, but that the artist (director, painter, etc) has a moral obligation to fully understand the subject before expressing his/her opinion. In terms of film, particularly, I think the artists need to be moving, but very carefully factual. Certain situations can be fictionalized, but the mind sets, emotions, and actions of every character should be heavily based in fact. Looking at a film like "Life is Beautiful" for instance (a comedic interpretation of the Shoa) is almost offensive and sugarcoats the tragedy to a point where there's no point in using it as an introduction to the Shoa for children because it minimizes the reality. I don't think you should show a five-year-old "Schindler's List", but I do think they have the right to parts of the truth. There's a difference between introducing parts of the truth as a child grows older, but always being honest, and sugarcoating the entire thing from the start. A child can be told things like "bad people didn't like the Jews, and they wanted to hurt them". They can be shown the "Jude" star. They can listen to the stories of people who were their age during this time. It's an insult to shield a child from his/her history at any age, especially as time goes on and Holocaust survivors pass on. When there are no more survivors to hear the real stories from, who's to say that sugarcoated shit won't become "the truth". There are many history teachers who don't teach the Holocaust because they don't know how. If parents won't pass on the truth, kids may never learn, may forget, and that's the biggest fear of the post-Shoa era, is it not?

After our long discussion, we went to listen to a survivor's story. While saddened by his words, I was surprised to find myself disagreeing with some of his opinions. When asked how he felt about the Germans today, he emphasized "never forgive" in addition to "never forget". I'm completely in agreement with "never forget", but I can't agree with "never forgive". Why should I blame German people who weren't even alive during the Shoa for crimes that others committed? My mom is German and not Jewish, does that mean I'm a "bad Jew" for loving her? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I understand how for someone who went through the horrors of the Shoa, it would be hard to forgive, but (and this sounds horrible), I think that blaming the entire German people for what the Nazis did is almost as bad as the Nazis hating us simply for being Jewish.

On a lighter note, OUR APARTMENT IS FINALLY CLEAN!!!! Hopefully, our new cleaning system should work and the rest of the month will be great!

Dinner was blisssssssss. I finally got my Mexican food! We made quesadillas, salsa, guacamole, beans, and rice. Happinesssss is cheesiness splendor... (sing to the Happiness tune from YAGMCB).

All my Love,
Rachel

Day 161: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!

2010-02-08T18:00:00.002+02:00

8/2/10

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO MDA!!!!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! To explain - I think I did this already, but who cares - MDA stands for Magein David Adom and is a basic EMT training program. After an intense 10 day study period and final exam, you are an official EMT assistant and can legally be in the back of an ambulance alone with a patient. I'm terrified of that concept, but at the same time, since I'm now looking seriously at going into a scientific field, I think the experience will be vital. There's a part of me that's also terrified (I think irrationally) that because I quit Marva, I'm prone to quitting things (this has actually been haunting me for awhile). I don't think I'll be quitting MDA anytime soon because unlike the army, medicine is something I already know I'm passionate about, and I already know that I'm not squeamish. That said, I've never had to deal with human death before, and there's always a possibility that a patient could die under my watch, which I have no idea how I would ever deal with. I think I can do it. I think my acknowledging that I'm terrified is also a better way to enter the process than with the over excitement I had about Marva (at first). All of this said, there's a chance I might not be able to do MDA anyway because of Poland scheduling, but I'm keeping my hopes high!!!!!!!

Today was another amazing day at Yad Lakashish! Today, I gave a tour to a group of Russian Taglit (Birth rite) travelers (in English, not Russian). Usually, tours consist of trying to think of different things to say about each workshop since after the first one, the rest are slightly self-explanatory, but today was different. Because the group spoke Russian, we took time in each workshop to really talk to the workers and get to know them. It was amazing to see how their faces lit up at hearing young people speak their native language. I realized today how amazing language is. I take English for granted most of the time, but thinking about it, it's really amazing to notice all the inside jokes, idioms, and intricacies one can only appreciate if one is a native speaker. I felt blessed to be included in a language, as absurd as that may sound. On an amusing note, I also got to witness the infamous Russian lechayim in the ceramics workshop as the whole group took vodka shots. =D

Class was class, but I don't think that's ever going to change, at least not here...

Going to Yad Vashem (The Holocaust Museum) tomorrow, so my next post should have a lot to say.

All my Love,
Rachel

Day 160: A New Week Begins...

2010-02-07T20:22:00.002+02:00

7/2/10

Work was bliss today. I made incredible candle holders, made a new friend, and added two new penguins to the family! I moved my table last week to a new spot, and so I'm working with a new group of people. It's a little odd being the only girl in the room, but the guys are great, and even though my Russian/German is slim to none, we have fun trying to understand each other. I tried to help teach them origami today, and it possibly the funniest experience I've ever had. My new friend is this week's cracker/cookie server. He speaks German, and I have yet to understand his name since his accent is too thick for my American ears. He speaks a little hebrew though, and every time he brings me my cookies, he says "aht yelda yahfah" (you're a beautiful girl). I think it's adorable. I'm thinking of making penguins for my friends at work. They all have their specialties, so I might make each penguin do each task (paint, cut, etc). I think they'd like them since every time they see me making a penguin, they compliment with "yafe me'od" (very pretty). The more time I spend at Yad Lakashish, the more I feel the family dynamic the workshops have formed between the workers, the madrichot, and even the volunteers. A lot of the time, it feels more welcoming to walk into work in the morning than it feels to walk into my apartment at the end of the day. I'm not sure if that's a good thing...

After work, I hurried home to do an interview for a Year Course blurb. Unfortunately, the journalist got confused and went to Bat Yam instead of Jerusalem, but hopefully myself and the other three chanichim who were chosen will get to speak to her next week. I feel flattered to be one of the few non-Young Judaeans picked repeatedly to be interviewed/lead Haddassah around. Even though it can be frustrating to suck up at times, I do feel at home in the "teacher's pet" motif. =D

Class was amazingly fun today! We looked at the formation of the state and the war of independence and how art evolved to fit those times. Watching old movies of "Army Bands" was fantastic. In a very "Over There" style, the IDF has a band for every section of the army, and over the various wars, these bands have transitioned from entertainment, to encouragement, to popular media protest. The famous peace song "Shir LaShalom" was in fact first performed by an army band. Youtube these performances if you get a chance, they are remarkable! I thought it was funny how when watching these videos, I felt more attached to Israel than on the everyday basis of living here. Perhaps it's because I connect to life through music or because we watching videos of a much more passionate time, but during class, I felt so connected to my homeland, and I wanted to do whatever I could to help it. I like this Zionist feeling!

It's freeeeeeeeezing out, so tonight looks like another night of hot cocoa and movies. Not that I mind those at all.. =D

All my Love,
Rachel

Day 158/159

2010-02-06T19:02:00.002+02:00

Extremely short post for yesterday and today, but there's really not much to say.

Friday was so much fun! I caught up on some much needed sleep, a friend from Section 2 came to visit us, she, my roommate Lizzy, and I made Shabbas dinner, and we had a truly YC night.

Today was a day of sleeping and recuperation from Friday, but those days are great every once in a while. Tomorrow starts a new week, and I should have lots to post about in the coming days. =D

All my Love,
Rachel

P.S. Everyone should listen to the song "If I Sing" from "Closer than Ever". It's possibly the most gorgeous theatre song I've ever heard.

Israel security happenings and the Aardvark vs. YC showdown

2010-02-05T17:01:00.002+02:00

Hey everyone,

Two big things have happened recently, and I thought it might be good to inform!

Security wise, YCers are currently banned from all Mediterranean beaches. In retaliation for Israel assassinating a major Hamas leader, Hamas has been sending barrels of explosives up the coast, and they've been landing at various beaches and exploding. Hopefully the scares will be over soon, but for now, we're all treading cautiously.

The other major development is the creation of "Aardvark", a non-Year Course version of Year Course. Essentially, many of the YJ staff have left YC in order to create a new version of YC
Differences between YC and Aardvark:
-No Negev section (five months in Tel Aviv, five months in Jerusalem)
-Price: 14,000, but flight/food is not included
-No Hadassah connection
-Mandatory specialties in both sections

There are other smaller differences, but these are the big ones. The whole thing has turned into such a feud between everyone, it's slightly ridiculous. Some are pro-Aardvark because they believe it fixes the logistical problems of YC, some are anti because the YC staff members who left for Aardvark were being paid by YC while they were forming the new program. As a non-Young Judaean, I don't have a passionate opinion either way, but I do think it's sad that they couldn't work to make YC better instead of going to form an entirely new program...

Day 157: I'm ditching the title on this one

2010-02-04T21:50:00.004+02:00

4/2/10

First, to continue what I didn't say about yesterday.

During the adventure around Mt. Scopus, we walked around the old neighborhood where Year Course used to be based, saw Beit Rikulus - the old Year Course center, experienced how difficult the old Jerusalem section used to be, and got falafel! By the way, it totally pays to be a girl in Israel. Free falafel balls, that's all I'm saying... ;) It was really cool to the see the old Year Course through our Madrich's eyes. Even in 2004-2005, things were so different here. Security was insane because of the tale end of the Entafada, no one was allowed on public transportation, classes consumed the chanichim, and any ideas of roaming around J-ru were a fantasy. Not sure I would have liked that all! Why bother spending three months in Jerusalem if you never even got to the Old City? I suppose that's why they changed the scheduling around for this year so that our classes are spread out, but you'd think that that realization would have been made earlier... hmm... I also got my first experience of "the small Jew world". Everyone on Year Course knows tons of Jews and runs into friends, family, ex-madrichim, etc, around the country. I don't know anyone in Israel and was never part of a Youth Movement, so I don't really have those moments, but yesterday, I DID! My Madrich took us to HUC to see his friend Jacob. Turns out, Jacob was one of the Madrichim on my Yam el Yam (sea to sea) hike during Nitzanim special interest week in 2008! I felt connected to the little Jewish bubble. =D

Okay, on to today!

IT SNOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, so it wasn't enough to settle and play in, but it was flakes in the sky and that's millions more than I've ever gotten in Los Angeles! IT. WAS. AWESOME.
I've now made 10 penguins: Gambling, Victorious, Marva, Pomegranate, Jewish, Bookworm, Fancy, Phantom of the Opera, Puppet, and "Woman, feed me". I LOVE MAKING PENGUINS!
Ulpan was boring as usual... =(
My Genesis class was really great today. We talked about Abraham and the sacrifice of Isaac, and different ways to interpret and gain perspective from it. I've always been taught that the sacrifice was a way to test Abraham's devotion to God, but that always seemed incredibly petty on God's part and incredibly submissive on Abraham's (considering he had fought so hard for Sodom and Gomorra, why wouldn't he fight for his son?). Today though, we read a passage discussing the possibility that once Isaac was born and the family was on their happy way to fulfill God's wish of Lech L'cha (go forth), there was too much security and God put forth this challenge to Abraham to show him that there were always going to be challenges along his journey, and he should never be overwhelmed by his blessings. I like this interpretation so much better than the former because it focuses on an actual human lesson instead of God being picky. Its lesson also applies to today and how one should never take things for granted.
On the apartment front, I'm overwhelmed and frustrated with double standards and hypocrisy, but I'm not going to get into that because I've already let it out to several people and it's not going to do anyone any good for me to rant again.

I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!
Love,
Rachel

Day 156: Soaked.

2010-02-03T22:42:00.002+02:00

3/2/10

Rain is depressing. I know some people love to dance in it, but it just gets me down. Hopefully, the snow that's supposed to come tonight will make up for it though! Today, I woke up tired, spent volunteering in a daze, interviewed for MDA, trekked around Mt. Scopus with Mike, Aaron, and Gabo, and made hamburgers from scratch for the first time in my life. Now, I am dead, but...
-The hamburgers were amazing
-I passed my MDA interview
-Had a blast on the adventure around Mt. Scopus
YAY!

I think I'm going to write more about today in tomorrow's post, as I am about to pass out at my computer.

All my love,
Rachel

Day 155: So tired...

2010-02-02T21:41:00.004+02:00

2/2/10

Hey, the date's normal for today! =D

Today was siyur day, and myself and a bunch of friends went to the Armenian Quarter. We walked to the intersection of all four quarters, and looked out over the old city, over the four cultures covering its history. The Armenian Quarter is incredibly different from the other three (Jewish, Christian, and Muslim). Instead of an area that's merely important to a certain culture, it's its own little country inside Jerusalem. When in the other quarters, you still feel very much that you're in Israel. In the Armenian, it feels like a new world. Everyone and everything in it is so secluded that many of the children don't grow up learning Hebrew (the national language). Instead, they learn Armenian, shop within the quarter, and largely don't stray far from home. They are essentially Catholic, but believe that Jesus is one (god and man), as opposed to the Catholics who believe in two parts of Jesus: the man who ate, slept, etc, and the God who performed miracles. [This is what I understood from the Armenian priest, if I'm explaining this wrong, please correct me]. After a short tour of the area, we discussed the issue of recognizing the Armenian genocide. We were all of the opinion that we, as Jews, had an obligation to officially recognize the events of 1915-1918 because we went through similar experiences (in fact, most of the murder methods used during the Holocaust were adapted by Hitler from the Armenian genocide). It was interesting, therefore, to hear our guide say that they were not the same, and that ours was special. Ours may have been the most dramatic historically, but I don't think there's any difference between the systematic murder of 100 people, or 1.5 million people, or 6 million people. It shouldn't matter how many were killed or what the reasons behind the mass executions were, murder is murder, and any group that is attacked in such ways deserves respect and recognition.

Following the siyur, a few friends and I went to the Jewish Quarter and went shopping at the Cardo (the main shopping lane). It was great! We bought fun things, ate bagels, and...STALKED MIKE HUCKABEE! We were eating our bagels when a huge group of guards walked by. My friend noticed they were with Huckabee, and we ran and stalked him to the Kotel. We still have no idea what he was doing there, but it was amusing to see the Israelis wonder why the Americans cared about some random suit. =D

The afternoon was sleepy. Relaxed for a while and went to Torah Yoga (p.s. extremely painful with a new bellybutton piercing!). DINNER WAS AMAZING! My Madricha, Emma, organized a making sushi night, and we sat for a couple hours making interesting versions of sushi and stuffing ourselves. Many funny pics to come of that. :)

I am off to bed now!
Lots of Love,
Rachel

Day 154: Happy February!

2010-02-01T23:20:00.002+02:00

1/2/10

Happy February everyone! I have now officially been in Israel for FIVE MONTHS! It's ridiculous that the first couple of months went by at a snails pace, and now we're already about to leave Jerusalem! It's sad, amazing, exciting, and mind-blowing! It must be a good sign that times flying, though, since it must mean I'm missing home less and less. Which, by the way, I think is true. I'm skyping with Mische right now and discussing all of this. I MISS HER SO MUCH! As she serenades me with her Ukulele and we sing the "F is for Friends" song, I'm reminded of how great little things between friends can be, and how much I'm truly going to miss people here when this whole shenanigan is over. I like that I can realize that. It feels good to know that I'm going to feel so miserable. Hmm...?

I really don't have too much else to say. Mische is far more entertaining than writing my blog and today was pretty standard. =D
Tata for now!
Rachel

Day 153: MY HALF BIRTHDAY!

2010-01-31T23:40:00.002+02:00

31/1/10

I'M HALF WAY TO 19 TODAY!!! Why the hell is that so f'ing terrifying? I take it back, 19 doesn't scare me; knowing that I'm only a year and a half from 20 does. TWENTY!!! THAT'S SO OLD! It's funny because for my entire adolescence, the only thing I wanted was to be 23 and on my own, with a job, apartment, rent, the works. It's scary though! The beauty of this year is that despite the stress, the fear, the highs, the lows, the change, the bliss, it's wholly my life. I love not being tied down by structure, it was one of the reasons I decided to do Year Course in the first place. When I go back home, I'm going to have to make decisions about my life that I'm terrified to make, I'm going to have to deal with heaps of issues I've turned my back on for nine months, and I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that I can't just get up and fly 10,000 miles away from my life when I want to. Even knowing I still have four more months to enjoy, I can feel the butterflies creeping up in my stomach about the return home. What if I'm so different now that I can't readjust? It's been a problem for past Year Coursers, what if it kills me too? Where do I belong after college? I came on this trip thinking about Aliyah, and while I don't think that path is right for me right now, I don't know if I belong in America either. The world is HUGE! Where else could I belong? These are the things that keep me up at night. Not the stupid things that irritate me during the day, not my classes, not drama, just large, unexplainable thoughts and worries. That's how I've always been though, so it doesn't surprise me that my minds been busier than ever throughout this journey. People reading this are going to yell at me for thinking I'm old, but I beg you, bear with me!

As for today, I made incredible ethiopian clay candle sticks at work today, and added Marva penguin to the penguin troop. Lizzy may be stealing him though... Went food shopping for the week and bought a ridiculous amount of food, but I can't complain, a full fridge makes anyone happy. =D Our teacher for our Zionism and the Arts class is in South Africa right now, so we had a sub, but it was still fun. We analyzed our midterm projects (see earlier post for description), and a friend's brother came to talk about the history of Henna. I got an amazing Indian design on my hand. I LOVE IT! The night was perfect. Ate dinner, laughed with my roomie, did abs (go me!), watched Hercules, studied Hebrew, listened to Renee Flemming and Bryn Terfel, and felt utterly content with life. =D Even having to wash all the dishes people didn't do didn't bother me. I've found the perfect remedy! All I have to do is listen to "A Spoonful of Sugar" and suddenly, doing dishes is actually entertaining. Way to go Julie Andrews!

All my Love,
Rachel

Day 152: Good food and good sleep make the world go round.

2010-01-30T20:03:00.002+02:00

30/1/10

Last night, I passed out at 11pm. I can't even begin to describe how early this is, but I guess my body was trying to tell me something... I like that I listened to it, though, because I woke up naturally awake for the first time in months! It was fabulous! The weather being on the chilly side, I chose to stay inside, but I was productive. I made french toast with strawberries for my roommates, wrote my midterm paper, did my laundry, caught up on my tv shows, and just relaxed blissfully. Sleep and french toast just made today a beautiful day. I'm also quite proud that I've managed to steer clear of the drama that's been floating around. Not wanting to go out or stay up all night (literally) might make me slightly isolated, but it also keeps my mood content and my stress down. Maybe that makes me a weird teenager, but if that's the case, then I'm beginning to like being weird. =D

Love,
Rachel

Midterm Paper

2010-01-30T20:00:00.002+02:00

Hi Everyone! This is my midterm paper for my Genesis Parables class. I'll be turning it in tomorrow, so I'm not looking for grammar corrections or anything along those lines, I'm just interested to know what you think and what your thoughts might be on this topic. Enjoy!

Living In the Grey with Science and Theology

“I believe in the power of the individual human mind! In a child's ability to master the multiplication table, there is more holiness than all your shouted hosannas and holy holies. An idea is more important that a monument and the advancement of Man's knowledge more miraculous than all the sticks turned to snakes and the parting of the waters.” Under the influence of today’s media, Henry Drummond’s words have the power to turn the world upside down; they turned mine long ago. The greatest impacts on my ways of thinking come from plays and books. Even when life experience forces me to see a different perspective, that new opinion is often laced with the knowledge of the writers (and greatest thinkers, in my opinion) of my literary background. In some respects, I suppose I blame “Inherit the Wind” for my many years of religious confusion. After reading the mind-blowing work in sophomore year, I found myself plagued with questions I had never thought to ask in Hebrew School, the most important of which being whether or not I was genuinely religious or if religion was a strange aspect of life that I’d been thrown into against my will. After all, one does not have to be brought up with an idea or concept in order to live and breathe it later on.

Immersed in the logical and scientific air of my high school and friends, I became more and more secular until I looked forward to Shabbas services for the sole purpose of seeing friends and hearing the gorgeous music (not invalid reasons, simply not the spiritual ones I had before). Unfortunately, secularism gave way to condescending thoughts; creationists were suddenly morons who’d never taken a decent genetics class and anyone whose actions were “in the name of the Lord” were “God’s” minions with a blind purpose. Teaching Sunday School became joke – as long as the students knew enough to memorize a Bar Mitzvah service, what did it matter if they believed the stories they absent-mindedly colored in with Crayolas? The Torah itself became the biggest joke of all. Besides the absurdity that humans should need to learn morals from a book, the science behind life and current realities made it impossible to absorb any meaning from the sacred text. Two by two is a fun fairytale, but logically improbable if one wants to assume we are not all genetically and mentally stunted. Why should anyone care about deliverance from Mitzrayim when so many still wait to be delivered today? Why should a decent person take their ethics from a text which condemns homosexuality, demeans women, and has caused the death of millions throughout history? It’s jarring to think I embarked on Year Course wholeheartedly with this much cynicism flowing through my mind.

One might ask, then, why would someone with such opinions choose to take a class on Genesis? Originally, my only interest was to see the other side of my extremism and to be challenged intellectually. Since starting the class, however, I’ve been shocked to find my opinions about the Bible changing and morphing so drastically. I suppose a few things are responsible for this. The wheels first started turning when I read “Myth and Reality: The Intellectual Adventure of Ancient Man”. Music (emotion) and science (logic) have always been foes in the eyes of society. The clashing between passions for music and biology played a focal point in my life for the entire past two years. To read an article about just that, but from another person’s perspective, put me into a space where I could reevaluate my previous views. The point of view presented by Frankfort essentially states that man’s intellect evolved from daydreaming imagination to logical representations and analysis or “contemplation vs. experience”. He also suggests that the modern, technical mind-set is slightly superior because the “[ancients could not have imagined this type of thinking]”. Expecting myself to agree with that assessment, I was almost pleasantly surprised to find myself defending the importance of the emotional, instinctual aspect of life. That while logic and emotion, science and the Bible, did not necessarily interconnect, they were obvious complements to one another. People cannot survive on pure faith or pure logic. The former leads to a disconnect from reality, and the latter leads to an over-analysis of human relationships (both between humans themselves and between humans and spirituality). Today people are realizing the problems that arise from a complete immersion in the technical. One can see people’s fear and confusion in movies from 2001: A Space Odyssey to I Robot, in books from Fahrenheit 451 to Brave New World, and in the general response to certain technological breakthroughs (many were appalled last year when the Chicago Philharmonic played a special concert conducted by a robot). In many ways, people are reverting back to the “primitive” and trying to look at life in a more imaginative, sentimental way, while still trying to incorporate the brilliance that comes with certain instances of scientific logic.
I recently discovered that this view is not unlike many Jewish interpretations of the bible. Talmud Chaggiga 13b-14a states that there were 974 generations before God created Adam, and even Maimonides held that it was not required to read Genesis literally and the one was nearly “obligated to understand Torah in a way that was compatible with the findings of science”. In this view, “if science and Torah were misaligned, it was either because science was not understood or the Torah was misinterpreted.” This is a brilliant concept! It makes sense that one should use science to understand religion and vice versa. Science attempts to explain the wonders that God gave us and religion attempts to explain what science cannot understand or has not found a way to understand yet.

Personally, I am an evolutionist, but I now accept that at some point even scientists must take a leap of faith. If one pictures the world, and then slowly moves outward in one’s imagination, to the solar system, to the galaxy, to the farthest stretches of the universe, there comes a time at which one cannot picture infinity, or one imagines “white space”. It is here that it is hard to deny the existence of some supreme being, of some divine energy that created the potential for everything that exists. The world is simply too incredible, the universe too vast, to lend itself to the possibility of mere chance. Even closer to home, we can see this phenomenon in our own bodies. When one looks inside the body and analyzes all the intricate processes that go into pure, daily existence, how can one not be awed? In the fact that our bodies can heal themselves, that our brain knows when to release certain hormones and when to turn them off, that our hearts beat 100,800 times per day without missing a beat (on average), there is just as much divinity as in the Torah itself.

This is my variation on Henry Drummond. Not that thought is more holy than faith, but that each is equally important. As Drummond states later, “The Bible is a book, a good book, but not the only book.” I used to take this to mean that the Bible was a bunch of meaningless fairytales, but now I understand that as fiction novels can teach important life lessons, so can the Torah. Noah’s Ark may never have existed, but we learn the importance of the need to take care of each other through its messages. I understand that we all truly are standing at Mt. Sinai. We all live in anticipation, in hope, in fear, and for those of us who’ve been privileged enough to have our ancestors fight our battles so we could have better lives, it’s our turn to be those same fighters for others who struggle. This concept has been taught to me so many times, but with the realizations and the thinking that have come both through looking at parables and experiencing the personal change that’s come through Year Course, I now understand and feel the responsibilities with more clarity than I thought I ever would.

Still, I am in no way resolved. A couple of weeks ago, a group of friends and I went to dinner at an Orthodox household. While the discussions around the table were certainly stimulating, it was disturbing to see the opposite of my previous extremism: the people who looked at me like a disgrace to the Jewish people because I believed in Darwin’s words, the people who didn’t understand how falling in love could be more important to a marriage than the religious orientation of the couple, the people who insulted homosexuality and made me feel ashamed to be a daughter of lesbian parents even though I had never felt that way about my upbringing ever before. Being around such closed-mindedness nearly made me revert back to my old self, the me who wanted to jump up and shout how wrong they were, how they had no right to criticize people for the crime of different beliefs when none of their arguments could be proven, how it couldn’t be true that “Charedi are the happiest people on earth” when anyone born into an Orthodox or Chasidic family grows up with huge pressures to fit into a mold. When the mother of the family asked, “how can they be Jewish and not believe in Adam and Eve or Noah’s Ark?” (referring to secular Jews), I didn’t know what to say. I tried to formulate a nice response attempting to explain the concept of the cultural Jew, but I kept my mouth shut for fear of being chided again. In a religion that’s supposed to be endlessly open to questioning, Orthodox Judaism confuses me. Why bother being observant when you’re constricted by so many rules that keep you from forming an opinion about what traditions feel more spiritual to you?

In an article written by an Orthodox Rabbi, he says, “This will never change, not even if the latest scientific notion that the genesis of all the multitudes of organic forms on earth can be traced back to one single, most primitive, primeval form of life should ever appear to be anything more than what it is today, a vague hypothesis still unsupported by fact. Even if this notion were ever to gain complete acceptance by the scientific world, Jewish thought, unlike the reasoning of the high priest of that notion, would nonetheless never summon us to revere a still extant representative of this primal form as the supposed ancestor of us all.” This is unbelievably hypocritical. One cannot base one’s life on an unprovable phenomenon (God), and deny another opinion because it too is unprovable.

However, this is logic speaking. Based on human instinct, if you live by faith, it makes psychological sense to deny other opinions because if you cannot prove your own opinion, what is there to say you are right other than your own convictions? Still, the encounter with this family brought forth yet another obvious truth: when people are around extremists, it’s very easy for them to become extremists themselves (on either side).

It’s not possible for every human being to live their lives in the grey, because then no grey would exist, but it’s interesting to think of what would happen to the world if more people were open to accepting the existence and validity of other opinions. I hope that is where I’m heading now…

Day 151: There's a world outside sleeping on Friday morning...?

2010-01-29T21:50:00.002+02:00

29/1/10

For the first time in months, I woke up before eight on a weekend. Having slept till 4:30 in the afternoon last week, I think this was quite an impressive feat. At 8:45, two friends and our Madricha, Emma, started out to the community gardens to help plant trees and flowers for TuB'shvat. Even though I was exhausted, I was blown away by Jerusalem in the sunlight of Shabbas morning - something I'd always slept through before. The entire community was out and about, scurrying around to buy challot, walking around the charity stalls that suddenly seemed to pop up everywhere over night. I've never seen the city more alive. I couldn't believe what I'd been missing in my laziness! It's going to be a struggle, but I'm going to try to find a place to go every friday morning so that I don't sleep away the most amazing part of the week.

The tree planting itself was incredibly disorganized, and I'm not entirely sure we helped too much, but it felt great to be outside working with the community. Even if it wasn't my first time with such an experience, it was wonderful to watch the faces of the kindergartners who were out planting their first tree. I guess it was significant because it was my first tree planted by my own hands in Israel! Hey, it's a pretty cool mitzvah. =D

Enjoying the perfect whether, I went home afterwards, put on a summer dress, and went to the Shuk (the craziest place in the world on a Friday). Because all of the vendors are trying to get rid of their produce by Shabbas, everything is ridiculously cheap, and EVERYONE is there! I was trampled, pushed, out-bargained, and swallowed by the masses...and it was amazing. I usually shut down in crowds, but there's something about the Jerusalem Shuk that just makes me a pushy Israeli. I bought delicious Challah and strawberries to make french toast tomorrow! The day was made even better by my discovery of the yummiest and cheapest smoothie stand in an offset of the main shuk. Kind of sketchy, but soooooo good!

Relaxed for the rest of the day, and eventually made a full Shabbas meal with my roomies. All in all, the best Friday I've had in a while. =D

xoxoxoxoxox
Rachel

Double post: Day 149/150!

2010-01-28T12:48:00.003+02:00

27/1/10

Okay, this should have been written yesterday, but I was sleepy, so I'm writing it now. Yesterday morning was a blur. I was absolutely exhausted and made my clay bird beads on auto-pilot mostly. I also christened the "woman, feed me" penguin, which I was actually quite proud of (don't ask... =)). I have this new thing where everyday I go to Yad Lakashish, I make a penguin. So far, I've made gambling penguin, fancy penguin, and "woman, feed me" penguin. We shall see who comes next!

At 3:00, we all gathered to hear the story of Esther, a Holocaust survivor, in honor of International Holocaust Remembrance Day (this is different from the Jewish remembrance day of Yom Hashoah in spring). Despite my usual breakdowns with anything Shoah related, I found myself oddly bored. The whole thing was very matter-of-fact, but in a way that breezed through everything so quickly that it didn't leave an impact. Perhaps that was just my impression, but after hearing many similar speakers, I expected to feel more. That's sounds absolutely horrible reading it over, but I promised to tell the truth in this blog, so that's what I'm aiming to do.

On a happier note, that night, we also celebrated Tu'Bshvat (the new year of the trees) with a beautiful seder with fruits and nuts and lots and lots of Prigot (the best juice in the entire world!). For those who don't know, Tu'Bshvat is the traditional celebration of trees and what they've given mankind throughout history. Today, it also functions as the Jewish Earth Day, and, as we will be doing tomorrow, it is customary to plant a tree for the next generation. I like this idea a lot...it means I get two Earth Days every year! =D

28/1/10

Now for today...

This morning was wonderful! I got to work and got to learn a new project! I can now make intricate bird candle holders. Well, it's technically a work in progress, but I'll get there for sure by the end of next week. It always amuses me how similar little children and the elderly are. In an effort to organize the workshop more effectively, we were trying to move people's work stations so that everyone with a similar art skill was sitting next to each other. You would not believe the temper tantrums that ensued! There were even a couple who said that if they were forced to move, they would never come back! The drama of it all made me feel like I was working in a kindergarten and I was asking two kids to switch cubby holes. Despite the drasticness of it all, my coordinator and I got quite the kick out of the whole episode.

Ulpan (hebrew class) was oddly fun today. We were all so punch drunk that we laughed with each other for two hours, learned some ridiculous kid songs, and Dan and I did the Can-Can in our chairs (much to our Morah's despair...). I think that's the first ulpan I've had that much fun in. I can only hope for repeat occurrences! Genesis parables was spent working on our midterm (which I may be working on for the rest of my life...). Until now, I didn't realize how much time had gone by since I'd last written a legitimate paper. Scarily enough, I think my last real paper was my analysis of Patty Hearst in junior year. That was a year and a half ago... Getting back into the groove is definitely a challenge, but I like it in a way. I missed the process of putting real effort into a great paper, and now I have it again! It's the most open-ended assignment I've ever received, but I didn't expect to much else from such an open-ended class. We have 4-5 pages to assess a topic relating to our class that through us for a loop and made us think. I'm looking at how my opinions on the fusion of Judaism and science have changed over the past two months and how I think they may continue to change. I might post my paper later this weekend, I have to think about it. It certainly sums up a lot of self-development since the start of Year Course. It's kind of weird to write though. You don't realize how much you've changed until you start looking at a specific opinion and how it's changed. I don't know how to describe exactly how I'm different, but what I do know is that I'm less cynical, more open to opposing ideas, and have a much better sense of self.

On that sense of self note, why can't it just be acceptable that I don't really like going out and getting shit-faced/being around shit-faced people at night? Why does there have to be pressure? I appreciate that my friends want me to come out, but I feel so out of place and so awkward and so not myself whenever I'm in those situations. I don't know how to describe why, I just know that every time I go out, I end up coming back early (12:30 is early) and not really knowing why I went out. I have some fun in the moment, but I'm very much of a homebody, and when I do go out at night, I prefer it to be to theatre or to a nice restaurant or something along those lines. Going to see "My Fair Lady" in February, so excited!!!! Am I being hopelessly anti-social or is it okay that I just don't feel like going out? =( [p.s. I'd actually love a response on that question if anyone wants to reply...].

Now it's back to my midterm writing, more nerdy reading, some Snood, some American Idol, many emails, and zzzzzzzz. =D

More love than you know,
Rachel <3

Day 148: The West Bank, Bat Yam Orientation, Failed Black Beans, and Amazing Quesadillas

2010-01-26T20:25:00.004+02:00

26/1/10

Oy, where to start...

Today was Tuesday, and as such, we headed off on our weekly field trip. This week, we headed into the forbidden as we visited K'far Etzion in the West Bank (moms, please don't freak out and kill Young Judaea...). The entire experience was wholly unexpected. Despite knowing how close everything in Israel is to each other, it was slightly unnerving to know that one of the most dangerous places in the country was only 20 minutes away from our home in Baka. Getting there was even more surreal. At 9:00, we boarded a bullet-proof bus (evident from the eerie bullet dents in the sides) and headed east. After about 15 minutes, we passed the security check point. Before today, my image of the border patrol into Gaza and the West Bank was a sparse area with barbed wire, guns, and terrified-looking soldiers. Almost even more creepily than my imagination, the actual thing is simply a toll-boothesque station on the side of a main road with normal city directional signs. You stop, the guards interview the driver and search the bus, and you are allowed through. That's it! It was probably a little easier for us since we were clearly Americans on a program, but it was still odd. Passing through the check point, we could look out the window to a view of the dividing wall (aka the security fence). This recent addition to the West Bank separates a group of Arab settlements from a group of Jewish settlements and has been a huge issue of political controversy throughout the world since its establishment.

Now, to the actual settlement... K'far Etzion is located south of Jerusalem in what was originally Arab territory during the War of Independence. It's up on a hill that also played home to three other settlements/kibbutzim and is otherwise surrounded by Arab villages. Since its original establishment in the early 1900s, it has traded hands many times, cost hundreds of lives, and is now a tragic symbol of Jewish pride. Despite its sad history, however, it holds an important place in history as the settlement which Ben Gurion named the reason Jerusalem ended in Jewish hands. Whether or not this is valid is questionable...
Today, K'far Etzion has been reestablished under the Magen David and serves as a living Kibbutz and as a museum/memorial to its previous members. Upon arrival, we walked through classic January fog/rain and into a movie theatre where we learned about the place's history. We looked into the bunker where the last defenders were blown out with grenades and drove past where a small platoon of help from Jerusalem had been ambushed by nearby Arab villages. Lastly, we sat and discussed and argued (like good little Jews...) about the moralities involved in the decision to fight when you know you're going to lose. I had issues with this section. Our tour guide seemed determined to get us to swear we would die for Israel in a heartbeat, but for me and many others, the decision wasn't so clear-cut. I would probably be willing to risk my life in a situation where winning was a possibility, but I don't know if I would be willing to stay to protect a minor settlement when Jerusalem was also under siege nearby. I suppose it's a difficult hypothetical question and I really have no idea what I would do in the moment, but I don't see myself sacrificing my life for mere pride and stubbornness. For a cause/country? Maybe.

We spent the afternoon in orientation for the third semester of Year Course: BAT YAM! Bat Yam is a small, poor city just outside Tel Aviv. A 10 minute bus ride from the main city and a 20 minute walk from the Mediterranean, it's the ideal location for spring. =D Ironically, it's also the section that most needs our volunteering time. Bat Yam is an extremely impoverished town with very little education. Most of us will be teaching English in various schools to aid the students in the process of moving out of their present conditions. While certainly a fulfilling path, however, I'm leaning towards something a little different. Ideally (if Kuma scheduling allows), I'd love to be accepted to the MDA program (Magein David Adom - EMTs)! Science and medicine are deep passions (just as deep as music), and the experience of working as a basic EMT sounds mind-blowing! That said, it's very possible that I will not be able to complete the course due to being in Poland, so my second choice is the SPCA pound. I doubt anyone reading this doesn't know what the SPCA is, but just incase, it means I'd be working with abused cats, dogs, and other animals; cleaning cages, walking puppies, and assisting in rehabilitation. Oh, my Zooie heart bursts at the thought!

My deepest apologies to Julie, but I completely failed at making the first bag of black beans you sent me. =( Can someone please send me fool-proof instructions, because I WAS SO MAD!!!!!!!! On the bright side, all was made better with the realization that I could make cheese quesadillas in the panini maker. Good call. SO TASTY!

All my love,
Rachel

P.S. Being a total nerd and starting "Darwin and the Barnacle" tonight. Yah. Even I have no comment for myself... =D

Day 147: The Art of Storytelling

2010-01-25T19:47:00.002+02:00

25/1/10

Today, as I sat at my work station making clay bird beads, I began to study the process of how the clay is smoothed. It's surprisingly delicate; too much water on your fingers and the clay falls apart, too little and the design smudges. That theme stuck with me in Genesis class today when we looked at the art of story telling and how details and embellishments can both compliment and hurt. In the movie we watched, "Smoke Signals", Thomas is asked if he wants to here the true versions of a life story or the lies. He replies "I'd like both". I think most people want both as well. Most completely true stories are slightly dull, but a completely fictional story holds no meaning. Even fiction novels, while in unreal circumstances, hold universal morals and values in their pages that communicate with the reader. This balance of truth and lies, too much and too little, the perspective of now and hindsight, all hit me today as I was sitting down to write this blog. The truth of this whole blogging thing is that I could make up complete bull, and it would be no different than the exact word for word truth because it's MY story. That said, I DID NOT make these things up... The point being that with every telling of a story, there is always balance because the story has to be told from the perspective of the person telling it. Obvious, I know, but still enlightening. It makes me happy to know that opinions change over time, and thus, my story changes over time. Reading these blog entries over is a little trippy to be honest. It's a bit like reading a diary you wrote a decade ago and remembering yourself when you wrote it. That was today's experience. A wonderful day of thinking, friends, sleep, laughing, and MORE DISNEY MOVIES!!!!!!!!!

Endless Love,
Rachel

Day 146: A Package, a Sad Goodbye, some Freaky Thoughts!

2010-01-24T20:48:00.003+02:00

24/1/10

Holy crap! We got our schedule for this week, and this Wednesday, we're having our orientation for the Bat Yam semester. THAT'S RIDICULOUS!!!!!! Arad went on and on for years, and Jerusalem is already on its way out! How did this happen????? I suppose I should be happy since I'm struggling with so much, but in a lot of ways, no matter how much I may bitch about hard times, being here, on an abroad gap year, is amazing, and a part of me can't believe its more than half way over. Leaving Year Course is going to be so surreal that I'm a little scared of going home. I've heard from past Year Coursers that you don't realize how much you change on Year Course until you go home and see that you don't fit into your old world in any way shape or form...THAT'S F'ING SCARY! Hopefully, though, my little trip home in two months will help me get an idea of what the summer's going to be like, especially since I will have gone through Kuma the week before hand. AAAAHHH!

Today was made especially fun by the arrival of Julie's package! I am now the happy owner of two cans of Ugly Mug hot cocoa, two bags of tortillas, two bags of black beans, two boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese, and fantastic photos of the people I love and miss. I can't decide which item makes me happiest! The photos now postered next to my bed make my heart smile, but the fabulous burrito I had for dinner tonight makes my tummy smile, and they are always competing with each other... I feel very lucky to have such amazing photos though. I love that I can glance over and see memories with the most incredible people I know! I may not make friends easily, but the close ones are with me forever. I LOVE YOU: MISCHE, KEVIN, MELISSA, JUDY, MAX, GUILIANA, AND MIREILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also think it's fabulous that so many of these memories revolve around high school; that I remember high school with endless love instead of the hatred felt by so many people here. Zoo = LOVE! <3

Sadly, today I also had to say goodbye to a new friend. My roommates best friend has been visiting these past couple weeks, and as she goes to Oberlin and is a theatre techie, we hit it off great. It feels nice to know that I'll know someone at school next year though! Safe trip home, Carolyn!

This morning, my friend/roommate Rebecca started working at Yad Lakashish with me! It's a lot of fun, and I think it'll be great for her since she was having issues at her old volunteering. It's so much fun to work with her! Yay Gabo!

All in all, a very good day. I LOVE loving the week more than the weekends. I think it reaffirms my love of doing things, and screams at me that I need to get my sleepy as* out of bed on Shabbat, even if it's just for a walk down the street.

All my love,
Rachel

Day 145: Seeing past "The Holy City"

2010-01-23T20:29:00.002+02:00

23/1/10

Much better day than yesterday! Slept longer than I wanted to...15 hours....but I did get out the house for a great walk, and spent the most relaxing time reading in a nearby park. There, I came to the realization that perhaps I've been too hard on my expectations for Jerusalem. Mostly, I've been disappointed because I haven't felt the same spark of Jewish identity that I felt during my first visit in 2008, however, sitting in the park, I realized that Jerusalem's not just a city to give people the "special spark" that most tourists come looking for. Jerusalem is also a city of small neighborhoods and families who are all just trying to live day to day. I suppose it's very similar to my life in Los Angeles. Thousands of people come to L.A. every year because of its famed reputation, but most of my friends and family really don't care at all about Hollywood and are mainly occupied with living day to day - just like the Jews who live in Jerusalem. I felt much more at home after seeing this, and now, instead of having expectations every time I walk out the door, I'm just going to watch the people. I'm really liking this process of losing expectations. =D

Now though, it is late and freezing, and it is time to snuggle up in bed and watch a movie.

Endless love,

Rachel

Day 144: "Mama always told me there'd be days like this"

2010-01-22T21:24:00.003+02:00

22/1/10

Years ago, this title quote was on the cover of "New Moon" magazine. I was little when I read it, but this quote has always stuck with me throughout my life. Everyone knows the feeling; the days when you just want to curl up, drink hot cocoa, and watch Disney movies. That was today. I don't know what happened, or even if it was anything specific, but today was just one of those days.

Despite everything incredible that this year has given me so far, I can't ignore the fact that most of the time, it's really really really difficult to be here. Most of you know that a couple years ago, the idea of leaving everything comfortable behind for a bunch of strangers would have sent me over the edge. The truth is, while I'm not as much of a social pariah as I used to be, I still have a ridiculously hard time making friends, and even when I'm comfortable around people in groups, it takes years for me to become genuinely close to someone. Because of this, there are many days when I find myself wondering whatever possessed me to do this and what my life would be like if I had simply gone to university. This whole lifestyle is so different from anything I've ever grown used to, especially in the past four years. Going from feeling at home in my tiny Zoo family to feeling lost in a sea of new everythings is incredibly overwhelming at times, and I can't say I'm not excited to go home in June. I will miss things, places, people, but at the end of the day, it will definitely feel great to go home to everyone I love with new insights and endless hugs and kisses. That said, please send cyber hugs after reading this! I need them badly! =(

Ahavah sheli,

Rachel

Day 143: Hadassah and Eggplant Parmesan

2010-01-21T21:24:00.004+02:00

21/1/10

It's Thursday! This has been the fastest week ever. I realize I never explained how the weeks work here...

Our Sunday is the American Monday. We go to work Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and then our weekend is Friday and Saturday (because of Shabbas). Tuesdays we go on Siyur (field trip) to different places around the country. Thus, I am now celebrating TGIT!

Today is my second day of my everyday blog entries. Going strong! ;)

Big things actually did happen today, though, so I have much to talk about.

Silly, but happy accomplishment of the day: I successfully made eggplant parmesan without a recipe and having never made it before. I am so full, so happy, and so proud! Ah, cheesy wondrous dinner, how you soothe the soul....

On a more serious note though, today, we hosted members of the National Board of Hadassah. The sole sponsor of Young Judaea, the members came to talk to Year Course participants and see the new campus (because of Madoff, we moved from the original campus near Mt. Scopus to our new location in Baka). While I appreciate everything Hadassah has done and currently does for Young Judaea, I found it very unsettling that we were being forced to put on aires and pretend that Year Course is different than it is. I say different rather than better because the idea of what Hadassah receives is simply different from reality, not necessarily better. In preparation for their arrival, two apartments were completely redone - new paint, framed Hadassah photos on the walls, and Tanachs on the tables. This is not Year Course, and I find it sad that we have to hide behind the ideals that Hadassah wants to see in order to impress them. Year Course is not a bunch of perfect Jews living in hotel rooms. We are a strong, but acceptably flawed, group of teenagers living in college apartments on a year abroad. We do not hang pictures of our sponsors on the walls and we do not sit around reading the Torah all day long. Before meeting the Hadassah members, a group of us were also coached in what to say and do. "Big smiles, you love Year Course, you love Hadassah, you're full of energy, and you're honored to see them". Truth: most of us do love Year Course and are incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be here. Lie: Year Course is perfect, we have no issues, and we're constantly thinking about how lucky we are to have Hadassah. I don't have issues with Hadassah itself, I simply have issues with how the two organizations deal with each other. I think it would be better for Year Course and Hadassah if representatives would come and really listen to us - the compliments and the complaints. They'd know who we are outside of our family legacies and we'd appreciate the fact that they truly care about us outside of a perfect image. That said, I really hope no one from Hadassah is reading my blog because I'll probably get my head chopped off tomorrow...

The rest of the day was fun, but standard. Volunteering, class, and fun times with friends. I went to the doctor as well, but Israeli doctors frustrate me beyond anything else in this world, so I'm not going to talk about that. =D

Ani ohevet atem b'America,

Rachel

See a World in a Grain of Sand

2010-01-20T16:30:00.003+02:00

I'm going to try a new blogging strategy of actually treating this like a journal and writing an entry every day. Looking back, even when I think nothing interesting happened on a certain day, I somehow always end up with things to think about when I'm in bed. Hence, something interesting must have happened, or at least something thought provoking. So, day 1 of my new goal starts right now! For this entry, because I haven't written in a couple weeks and I have a lot to say, I'm going to try to break it down into sections so I don't stray too off topic.

Packages:

Yesterday after dinner, a few friends, a bunch of volunteers, and myself made care packages for "lone soldiers". These are recent Olim (immigrants) who've come to Israel, joined the army, and have no family to go home to on leave, or to receive presents from on Jewish holidays. This may seem like a superficial volunteer project considering all the issues in Israel, but in reality, "lone soldiers" make up a huge percentage of the Israeli army and after talking to several about how much a simple package can mean to them and how simple gestures are often what get them through hard times, I realized that these silly packages were actually life savers. Each box contained a fresh shirt, soap, snacks, neck/face warmers, an army knife, and other practical, but nifty items. Odd presents to many, but according to my friends in Marva, these were boxes that would have made them weep for joy! Making these packages was also a personal eye-opener considering my feelings regarding the IDF and the army in general. Despite my negative experiences, it was wonderful to know that I could know I could never support Israel from behind a gun, but that I could care deeply about the people who were willing to do so. Yay for changing opinions!

A trip to Mea She'Arim (may-ah-sheh-ah-reem):

Last Thursday, five friends and I went on an interesting journey. My friend Lizzy received a call inviting her and several friends over for dinner at the house of a Year Course supporter. Being interested and good little participants, we moseyed on down to his house for some nosh and the expected talk of how wonderful Young Judaea is and how grateful we are for this incredible opportunity. Completely unexpected! The house we were invited to turned out to be in Mea She'Arim and owned by an Ultra-Orthodox family. For those who don't know, Mea She'Arim is an extremely Orthodox neighborhood in Jerusalem. It was originally founded for the Ultra-Orthodox, and it's name means 100 gates, in honor of the desire for a walled city. Needless to say, the surroundings certainly dictated the evening to come. We spent a large part of the night talking to Rabbi Gershon and his family. Truly a Year Course supporter, he believes that students on Year Course should be exposed to all kinds of Judaism, including Chasidism (a view point I actually agree whole heartedly upon). In tandem with his words, Rabbi Gershon offered us numerous opportunities within the Orthodox community, including host families, wedding invitations, and sit-ins in seminaries and yishivas. However, along with these opportunities, we were also overwhelmed with the semi-anticipated talks of what the "correct" version of Judaism is. Let's be clear, while some on Year Course are more religious than others, we are a truly Pluralistic group, ranging from fully observant to never stepped into a shul, and as such, we are reluctant to deal with those who insist they know the "truth". Because of this, the night turned out to be a bit of an uncomfortable mess, and we left with incredibly mixed feelings. This is not the point of the story, though... The point is that the experience highlighted a couple of really important things: one, the war waging between different sects of Judaism in Israel, and two, the open-mindedness I've come to take for granted from attending a Reform Synagogue, having gay parents, and attending largely liberal schools.

The former is one of the reasons I'm having so many issues with Israel. It's hard to feel at home in the "Jewish State" when its citizens are screaming at each other over what "Jewish" means. What does "Jewish" mean? What is Judaism? Obviously, because it is a culture and a religion (and therefore made of opinions), I don't have a definitive answer. However, I will say that today, at least, Judaism is largely cultural. How does the average person define a Christian? Belief in God and Jesus. How does the average person define a Jew? Eats Challah, eats matzah, lights candles, funny hats, speaks hebrew, and is very bookish. Notice the plethora of cultural items and the extreme lack of religious ones in the latter definition. This is not to say that Jews aren't religious, but merely to point out that you can be a Jew without embracing its religious aspects. My mom grew up as a "cultural Jew", and until we joined a temple when I was eight, I was raised the same way. Now, I describe myself as Jewish not because of my belief in God, but because of my belief in Jewish values (tikun olam (repairing the world), living for now, basic commandments (no murder, etc), and others), celebrating the holidays, and embracing my temple community. I do happen to believe in God, but I don't think that's the main defining point of my Judaism, and unfortunately, that's what puts me on one side of the jew v jew argument.

The latter issue explains why I'm on the side that I'm on, and is one of those realizations that wouldn't be interesting if it hadn't been sitting in front of me my entire life. I've grown up without a trace of extreme conservatism in my life. From my parents to my friends to my school to my hometown, things have always been liberal and open. From that perspective, I suppose it was naive of me to be so shocked at being confronted with a highly religious view of life, but shock me it did, and now I feel incredibly small and slightly stupid. It's as Sondheim says, "someone is on your side, someone else is not, while we're seeing our side, maybe we forgot, they are not alone, for no one is alone". For the most part, when people listen to this song, they ignore what it's saying, and only hear the part about themselves - that they themselves are not alone. Since being in Israel, though, I'm slowly grasping the second part - that others are not alone either, even those with whom we strongly disagree or dislike. This applies personally (like when I'm frustrated with my peers) and globally (like when I realized it's foolish to be angry at an opinion when it's not isolated to a single person, or even a small group of people). At the end of the day, problems are best solved when both sides accept that the other exists and is valid. That's my new goal regarding Orthodoxy. I don't understand it or agree with it, but I'm going to try to accept it and embrace the fact that its believers are not all the same - just as not all Jews are the same.

Volunteering:

I LOVE YAD LAKASHISH SO MUCH!!!!!! It's the weirdest thing since I was so set on working with kids, but I'm finding that I really love cute little old people as well! Hehe. It's so amazing to work with people who are determined to get out and do something with their lives. Hearing their stories is inspiring, and seeing their pride in their work, no matter how seemingly simple, is truly touching. My friend Alberto's only job is to paint beads. That's what he does for four hours everyday, and yet, when he's done with his daily set, he always comes over and asks "tov? tov?" ("good? good?"). I'm always so happy to tell him "ken tov! yafe!" ("yes good! beautiful!"). His smile is always so contagious. =D For my Zionism and the Arts midterm, I had to take a photo that represented what Jerusalem meant to me. I ended up selecting a picture of one of the supervisors working in my workshop with several Yad Lakashish members. For me, despite its Americanization, Jerusalem is still powerful within places like my work. Jerusalem (and Yad Lakashish) is a place where people of all backgrounds and beliefs come because they feel they can belong. Similarly, people from all sorts of countries and backgrounds come to Yad Lakashish because they want a place where they can belong and feel important. Jerusalem does that for most, if not all, of the people who visit her. Even when I'm walking around the Old City appalled at how disrespectful tourists can be, if I look out at the view of the entire city, I'm instantly reminded of where I am, and how many people throughout history would have killed (and actually did kill) to be where I am at this very moment. The thought is humbling, and it makes me forget everything that can be frustrating about this program, and remember why I wanted to be here in the first place: to live in my homeland.

Today (20/12/10):

Just so you know, the dates are backwards here, and I've gotten used to it, so for you back home, today is actually 12/20/10. =D

Today was standard. I went to volunteering, skyped with Mische and kept her up until 4am, snuggled into my comforter, and am content to relax for a couple of hours. This morning, my friend Danielle and I decided to put together a benefit concert to raise money for Haiti. I'm very excited! I miss putting big events together and it'll be a great creative outlet as well since I've been dying for an opportunity to perform. On a similar note, tonight my friend Aaron and I are going to do a cold read for a local play. We probably won't be able to do the performances due to program scheduling, but we both missed our audition seasons back home and are pumped to make up for lost time! Days like this are exhausting, but wonderful, especially on the delirium of only three hours of sleep. I think too much at night, I really need to stop that...

Charts on a scale of 1-10 (ten being high):

Homesickness status: 4 (yay! going down!)

Israel love: 5 (it was three a few days ago, so this is pretty good...)

Excitement for Bat Yam/Kuma: 10!

Present purchasing: um....... SUGGESTIONS!

Holy crap, longest post EVER!

Endless love to all back home,

Rachel

Post Chofesh: Wolverine Jack Schwartz - A New Era

2010-01-05T22:12:00.005+02:00

Today ushered in a new time - the time of hamster Sir Wolverine Jack Schwartz. Is it silly? Yes. Is it ridiculous? Yes. Is it absurd that the arrival of the hamster has caused so much thinking for me? Absolutely. Here's what's been happening. Yesterday, I calculated a bunch of count-downs:

-53 days until Bat Yam

-64 days until Kuma

-79 days until Spring Chofesh

-145 days until the end of Year Course

After calculating these numbers, I felt a bunch of different things. At first, I felt guilty for making countdowns in the first place and ungrateful for the YC experience. Granted, I'm very excited for all of the above, but I feel like I should be more engaged in the present (I know, not going to happen, but I can hope!). After thinking about it for a little, however, I realized that that time is going to fly by in an instant. Knowing that I've survived 128 days 10,000 miles away from home is surprisingly empowering and it lets me know that not only am I more than capable of completing this incredible year, but I'm really excited to do so! Not to be finished, but to enjoy the feelings of looking back and being speechless. How does a hamster fit into all of this...? Wolverine is an interesting apartment symbol. Similar to the feelings of a couple getting a pet together, Wolverine is a sign that we, as an apartment, are unified enough to love a pet. Yes, he technically belongs to my roommate, but we are all responsible for his happiness and welfare. I guess also, in a way, having a pet makes this whole experience feel a lot more like home. The presence of a lovable fuzzy critter is always enough to transform a strange place from a roof over my head to a heart-felt home. Wolverine's arrival also made me realize that while I miss home and the people I love back there beyond belief, I could be genuinely happy somewhere completely different. Maybe not 10,000 miles away, but not chained to the things and people used to feel helpless without. It may seem sad that a hamster inspired these feelings, but I think it's only fitting that such revelations can come from something so small and innocent.

On a related, but slightly varying note, today was also Yom Hadassah (Hadassah Day). In honor, we traveled to two Hadassah Hospitals in Jerusalem and to Mt. Scopus to honor the grave of the founder of Hadassah. On the whole, the day was very moving. It's truly inspiring to hear stories of those who created a mountain from a speck of dust. Almost 100 years ago, the Hadassah movement was started with a couple of nurses who traveled within the small communities of conservative Jerusalem, offering medical advice, midwifery, and other services. Today, Hadassah is the medical system of Israel, providing free medical care, medical schools, and special medical packages for children. It also happens to be one of the main partners of the Young Judaea Youth Movement - which is of course why we were there in the first place. The questionable part of the day came in the views of the speakers chosen to talk to us. In addition to their general speeches about the history of Hadassah and its importance, the majority the speakers chose to focus their efforts towards converting us all towards Aliyah (moving to Israel). While a definite possibility in many of our minds, the idea of Aliyah, when toted, is almost as unappetizing as Bible-toting religious maniacs. I support Israel, I believe in the idea of a Jewish state, I am proud to be Jewish, I believe in the activism shown by the founders of Israel. Do I want crazed Jewish Americans screaming at me to move here? What do you think... Needless to say, most were turned off by the efforts and a friend explained to me later that this was only the beginning: part of the Young Judaea Movement constitution says "thou shalt make Aliyah" and the movement has many adults connected to it who are willing to preach just that. I think what Young Judaea does for Jewish Youth is incredible, but that doesn't mean everyone is meant to make Aliyah and have tons of Jewish babies. Some will, and will be extremely happy doing so, but others may move back to the states, marry inter-religiously, never have kids, and never visit Israel again. I just wish more people accepted that both extremes and everywhere in between is no less worthy a life style...

I have much more to say on various things, but it is late, and I must shower and zzzzz.

All my love,

Rachel

Travels with Mom and New Thoughts on Israel

2010-01-01T16:22:00.007+02:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! For the first time ever, I beat Dick Clark and the shiny ball. =)

Today, January 1st, marks a lot of things: the end of winter chofesh (break), four months spent in Israel, the end of the first incredibly happy week I'd spent with my mom in a really long time, the end of one of the most eventful years of my life, and the beginning of one with the potential to be even more fun, chaotic, up, down, and inspirational.

Mom flew in on the 24th and we had a blast traveling around the country. It was strange on many levels, but a lot of fun. Julie hadn't been to Israel since she was my age, and seeing the change in the country from the 1970s to now through her eyes was shocking. My Israel has always been what this country is right now. I knew through reading how quickly Israelis had advanced, but until I saw her shock, it never really hit me how drastic the changes had been. In the 1970s, Israel was the blooming capital of the world in every aspect you could think of. The shekel was growing, scientific advancement was skyrocketing, new technologies were being exported everyday, and the general feel of the population was motivation, dedication, and an understanding of how different skills were needed to create a new, thriving country. The Israel of 2009 (now 2010) is a very different place. Where there were once holy historical places, there are now tourist traps and falafel houses. Where there were once glorious hillsides, there are now endless shack cities. Where there was once the most incredible education in the middle east, there are now hordes of students leaving high school with detrimental english and no goals to go to college. When looking at the country over the summer of 2008, I was mesmerized by its beauty and by its culture, but that was looking through the cloudy lens of a five-week teen program. Living here, I've sadly come to realize that the Israel I thought I loved - that my mom met 40 years ago - is sadly disappearing. There are many elements still to love; the people who go out of their way to create the country Jews still dream of, the incredible beauty of the Golan and the Negev, but the spirit is lacking, and the fire that fueled the Israeli pioneers in the 30s and 40s appears to be diminishing. What does that mean for Year Course...?

Back to my trip with mom though... =) It was so great to have a break from the YC world and travel with Julie. We went to the Old City, down to Arad, through Ceaseria, Haifa, and Akko, up to Sfat and Tiberias. It was fantastic! It was also great to spend time with her and realize how much we've both changed since moving to Israel and New York (respectively). Considering how things were before hand, and how they were on the trip, I'd say without a doubt that the moves were good for both of us, even through times of hardship or regret. Love you, mom!

So now, Julie is headed back to NYC, and I'm facing the beginning of 2010. Oh, so many things I could write about! Looking back at 2009, I can't even believe that everything that happened, happened in one year. In 2009, I graduated high school, got into college, went to Ecuador, worked with James Conlon, lived in Israel, met literally over 300 new people, and learned so much about myself that I can't even imagine delving into five more months of self-discovery experiences. What do I want from 2010? Nothing more or less than life experiences. What more could one ask for anyway when one is living in a foreign country? I want to help people, I want to learn things that will blow my mind, I want to do stupid things that I'll regret, I want to appreciate the smart things that I'll treasure forever. Most of all, when I return to the states in June, I want to know more of who I am. So far, I think I'm on the right track.

I wish everyone here and back home a healthy and happy new year.

All my love,

Rachel

A very very late welcome to Jerusalem.

2009-12-10T14:18:00.006+02:00

This post was due on December 6th, when we actually first moved to Jerusalem, but things have been so crazed, and I've been in and out of feeling sick, so I'm sending you the Jerusalem skinny two weeks in. =D

Right now, I am writing to you from my gorgeous apartment in Baka. We're about a 30 minute walk from the Old City (The Western Wall, Ricardo Street, etc), a 10 minute walk from Emek Refa'im (a great restaurant street), and it's just plain beautiful here. No one warned us about the cold, but we're making due.

My volunteering was switched around, so I'm not working with foster kids, but I'm still having an incredible experience! I volunteer sunday, monday, wednesday, and thursday at Yad Lakashish: A lifeline for the Elderly. There, I work with immigrants who are having a hard time getting settled into Israel, and I do arts and crafts with them. Some are incredibly skilled workers who have specialties from their home countries, and some are just interested in art, and come to have a place to go. It's very different from what I thought I would be doing, but I definitely feel like I'm contributing, which is half of what volunteering is all about, no? This past week, I worked with several immigrants from South America making clay beads. It was amazing to see how fast my Spanish came back while talking to them, and to see how alive they became when they had someone to talk to about their lives. It's a little strange to be working with the elderly, since my element is usually with kids, but I've really come to love new experiences over the past few months, and I think working in such a different environment will be great for me.

Alright, time for nerdy Rachel to come out and glow about how happy she is with her classes! This semester, I'm taking ulpan (hebrew - level 2!), Genesis Parables: Chaos and Creativity in the Genesis stories, Zionism and the Arts, Yoga, and Holocaust Film Study. Ulpan is a bit of a joke, since most of my classmates don't seem to care, but my other classes are AMAZING! Genesis Parables is the most thought-stimulating class I think I've ever had. I love that I leave there every time with thoughts buzzing through my head about the wonders of the universe. On our first day, we asked the question of where each of us stood regarding the origins of the universe and whether we though it had always existed, or whether God made it come into being. I have a very complex opinion on this due to my mix of religious and scientific feelings, but in a nutshell, I believe that the universe has always existed in chaos, but that a higher power (god or something) pulled pieces together and made certain levels of sense. As far as the earth itself, I'm undecided, but I think my feelings lie more towards the scientific end of the spectrum, and as far as life on earth, I'm an evolutionist, through and through. Not that that matters in this blog entry, but I thought I'd put it out there. Zionism and the Arts is a riot! My teacher Dr. Avi Rose is one of the funniest, most intelligent people I've had the pleasure of being a student of (no offense Lee and Mike!). I've only had this class once so far, but it's the highlight of my sunday. Basically, we look through the history of Zionism through art, music, and literature, including works by Jewish artists, and works throughout European history that influenced the image of Jews. More on this class to come with time! Yoga and film haven't started yet, but I will post about them soon as well.

Looking at my calendar, I can't believe we're already almost a month into the Jerusalem section. Arad seemed to last for ages, but now the weeks are flying by! I suppose that's also due to a packed schedule and having millions of things to do, but it's still mind blowing. My friends back home are posting their success of being done with one semester of college, and reading their posts really makes me think about how long I've been here. 10,000 miles is a long, long way from home, but at the same time, knowing that I'm having fun, and growing (apparently, according to those who know me well), and that I've been away from home completely for four months is oddly empowering. I have a feeling that going to college out of year course is going to be both strangely easy and strangely hard. I won't be dealing with the stress of leaving home, but at the same time, it's going to be weird going into classes with people fresh out of high school. I suppose I shouldn't worry so far in advance though!

I feel like I could be writing so much more, but my sinus infection is clouding my memory...

For now, Merry Christmas and Chappy Chaunnukah to you all!

Lots of Love,

Rachel

Gobble?

2009-11-27T14:57:00.002+02:00

Thanksgiving is hard, and always has been since my parents split. Since then, something has always managed to come crashing down on Turkey Day, be it emotionally, physically, or mentally. When I was little, it certainly wasn't as dramatic. I'd make tacky construction paper projects at school and bring them home to show off like a new Rembrandt, draw hand turkeys, eat till I popped, and sleep the whole next day. The family tension was there, but I tried not to notice it. After 1998, it was impossible to ignore. I'm not going to go into details in such a public venue, but in a nutshell, I began to relate to Dr. Burke's quote on "Friends" that "it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring". Last year, I opted not to deal with any of it, and spent Thanksgiving with one of my best friends and her family. It was wonderful, but something was missing. I didn't dwell on it then (remarkable for me, no?). This year, I expected to not even think about the American holiday since there were no pilgrims and indians fighting it out in the holy land. I was wrong, so very wrong.

This has been one of the hardest Thanksgivings yet, but not for the usual reasons. For the first time in my life, I found myself crying because I wasn't home with my family. I've thought about this for days, and I still don't completely understand it. I suppose though, that no matter how dysfunctional a family might be, they're still family. To really accept this fact is incredible for me. I thought I would be relieved, elated, anything but nostalgically depressed. After all, part of my reason for going on Year Course in the first place was to get away from my life. I realize now that that's not possible. I've realized a lot of things over the past three months. How much of a stupid, stubborn teenager I was during junior and senior year and how immature behavior like the silent treatment seems in hindsight, how sometimes it's easier to tell everyone, especially yourself, that you're going to feel one way about a situation in order to stay the fear of feeling the opposite, and how it's okay to feel like a child as long as you know you're capable of being an adult. Before I left, I was so excited to get away from everything I knew, and now, while I love being here with all my heart, I miss the people and places of home terribly, and I can't imagine how I could have been so ungrateful for everything back in Los Angeles.

Disregarding my homesickness though, Thanksgiving on Year Course was actually a lot of fun! Young Judaea was incredible and took us to a spa for the day followed by a huge turkey lunch. It was so relaxing and yummy and fun! That night for dinner, a bunch of us potlucked and sat around and ate and drank to our hearts desire. There was no awkwardness, no fights, just a group of jews doing what they do best on the holidays...stuffing their faces. Granted, we had to improvise since people kept showing up and our food is limited, but the spirit of Thanksgiving was there, and at the end of the night, that alone was enough to make me smile.

Right now, I'm content, if still a little down. I still envy my friends who are home from college watching the Macy's Day Parade and cooking with their families, but I'm accepting that in exchange for the occasional homesickness, I'm getting the opportunity of a lifetime, and that even during the sad times, I can still ponder and over think and gain new perspectives. What am I thankful for this year? That I'm in Israel, having an amazing time, and knowing that the people I love will always be there in every way. Happy Thanksgiving.

I hear a wind, whistling air, whispering in my ear...

2009-11-24T12:51:00.003+02:00

For about three months before I left for Israel, I was obsessed with "Roam" by The B-52s. I'd listen to it biking, walking, sleeping, whenever I could, because it filled me with an unbelievable excitement for traveling 10,000 miles away at the end of August. Last night, I found myself listening to it once again for the first time since I arrived here. Why? Because somewhere down the road during these past three months, there have been times when I've genuinely forgotten that I'm in Israel. I know that seems absurd. With hebrew, strange foods, and Jewish life everywhere, it would appear hard not to notice one's location. Nevertheless, I found myself walking home the other day saying "oh yah, I'm in Israel, aren't I...". It shocked me to the core. When I was in Israel two summers ago, the only thing I was constantly aware of was where I was. Everywhere we went, I felt like making aliyah, and there wasn't a moment I wasn't thrilled to be in Israel. Like I said in a previous post though, I suppose this trip is extremely different. It's not nine months of constant "roaming" and seeing all the sights, it's real life. In America, I never thought about the fact that I was in America, I just went day to day. I suppose that's what's happening here. It's not so much that I've forgotten I'm in Israel, it's more that I've forgotten that I'm really anywhere. It's an odd feeling, but I think I understand it, and hopefully, more and more of that coveted Israel spirit will come back when I move to Jerusalem next week!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone and their mother is excited about moving on December 6th! I'd say me especially, but I honestly think everyone's out competing each other right now in that department. Arad has given everyone a lot to think about, a good look at life outside the big cities of Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, and Haifa, and a chance to really get to know each other since there's little to do here during free time except sit around and talk at the local pub. However, three months here has taken its toll, and we are all ready for a bustling city. That said, we'll probably miss Arad when we're overwhelmed with how much is going on and we just want to sit on a couch and watch stupid youtube videos with each other... Right now though, that is not the case, and even though we still have 11 days left, my things are slowly making their way back into my oversized suitcases.

Here's a run down of how things are going to be in J-ru:

We'll be living in more of a dormitory style where instead of having spread out apartments, we'll all be in three buildings, all within five minutes of our classes. I'll be living in a group of eight in the Beit-Ar-El complex, which is right on campus. These buildings are brand new, and we're basically testing how they work with the program this year, since in previous years, everyone stayed at the Young Judaea Youth Hostel during the Jerusalem section. We can thank our dear friend Madoff for the change...

Nothing has been confirmed yet in terms of volunteering, but if I get my first choice, I'll be working in a group home with foster kids. There, I'll be helping out with whatever they need; english tutor, babysitter, gardener, playmate, etc. I'm extremely excited. I know it's going to be incredibly challenging and often emotionally draining, but if I can help these kids in anyway, I'll be changing the course of their lives. From watching my moms work in this field, I've learned just how much people can change if given the right help and the right opportunities. I know my impact maybe small, but it will still be something, and for some kids, those of us who volunteer at the group home may be the push that sends them in a positive direction. I sound idealistic, but in my opinion, that's the best way to look at a situation.

This past weekend, some friends and I threw all responsibility to the wind and spent a couple days down in Eilat. It was GORGEOUS! While technically a tourist city, Eilat is also one of the most beautiful places in Israel. There are living coral reefs to snorkel over, dolphin coves, warm beaches, and a view of Israel, Jordan, Egypt, and Syria all from the same place. Swimming in the Red Sea is also quite the experience if you take the time to be reflectively Jewish. I went jetskiing for the first time, and it was incredible! I went out to see dolphins, practically crashed into a freighter, and had so much fun! It was so nice to get out of Arad for the weekend and sleep on the beach, and go out, and be crazy. It gave me a new appreciation for sitting in the apartment. That said, I'm still ridiculously excited for the mania of city life in Jerusalem.

One last thing I need to address. Nothing to do with Israel, but I have a HUGE announcement to make. For those who haven't found out via facebook or the grapevine...after 18 years...I FOUND MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First, some back story:

I was conceived via sperm donation in 1990. I've known about my situation my whole life, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I really started becoming interested in my heritage. I asked a lot of questions, but eventually, I had to accept the fact that I couldn't proceed until I turned 18 and all legal ties to child support were severed. On the morning of July 31st, 2009, I called the California Cryobank and asked them to contact my father. Four months later, I got the call. HE WAS LOCATED! And willing to answer any questions I had. I was thrilled. I AM thrilled! After 18 years of questions, I can finally find out so many secrets, so many answers. There are certainly aspects of this ordeal that are scary and strange, but overall, I'm so excited! There will be much more to write on this subject soon.

I'm off to Be'er Sheva for a few hours!

Happy Turkey Day to everyone back in the states!

All my love,

Rachel

Why do I have to title all of these things?

2009-10-25T18:43:00.018+02:00

I can't believe I haven't blogged in weeks! Basically, I've tried about 50 times, but every time I start, I get distracted, say I'll finish it tomorrow, and by the time I get around to it again, everything I'd written before needs to be re-written and deleted. This time, hopefully, I'll be able to get through and actually talk about what's going on here without getting to away from myself.

We only have 25 more days left in Arad! In some ways, I am very excited and in some ways, that's ridiculous. I'm dying to leave Arad for the more interesting, busy life in J-ru, but at the same time, knowing that my 3-month mark is coming up is slightly scary. That means Year Course is almost 1/3 of the way over! Time flew like crazy! I feel a little guilty that a part of me is happy that I'm that much closer to seeing everyone, but at the same time, I feel very accomplished. This is the longest I've ever been away from home and I'm really loving it! I have great friends, I'm having fun, I'm on my own, it's a really really incredible thing. Still can't wait to see everyone in June, but at least now I'm not counting down all the way through! ;)

What has happened since I left Marva...

I'm now volunteering at Abir's Ranch just outside of Arad and I LOVE IT! I'm working with horses, chickens, and other lovely farm critters, planting, plowing, moving hay bales, the works. In a sad way, it's like "farmville" real world! In all seriousness though, I really do love it. It's nice to be exhausted at the end of the day because I actually did something instead of just being tired from sitting around all the time. Today, I did a "horse car wash" where we hosed and soaped all the horses and got soaked and had a blast! It was great.

Last week, a small group of us went up to the Rabin Peace Rally in memory of Yitzak Rabin's assassination. For those who don't know, Rabin was a prime minister of Israel who was shot by a radical Israeli in 1995, publicizing the conflicting views within Israel. It was the equivalent to JFK's assassination (at least in the affect it had on the people), and it's now remembered every year on November 4th as a move towards peace and stability in this troubled land. Unfortunately for us, much of the inspiration was lost in out inability to speak hebrew, but the music brought everything together. At 10:00 when everyone in Rabin square started singing Shir La Shalom, you felt the history of a people scoop you up and carry you back through years of struggle for a Jewish Nation. Even with little language understanding, I was so moved by how connected I felt to every stranger in that square. Looking around during Hatikvah, I was not at all surprised at the lack of dry eyes. It was a beautiful night.

I think that's all for now folks! Life is pretty relaxed right now, but I'll try to update more often anyways.

Love you all!

Rachel

The Hardest Realizations Come at a Price, but Give you the World

2009-10-17T14:23:00.000+02:00

This post is coming to you much earlier than I could have ever anticipated, from the mind of a girl I never knew existed. Two days ago, I decided to end Marva. I know it was only four days into the program, but my reasons are far from minor complaints about physical strain or frustration with orders. Two days ago I shot a gun for the first time after 18 years of promising myself I would never touch any version of the destructive object. Nevertheless, at 3pm, I found myself lying on the ground aiming an M-16 at a Arab soldier cutout. I don't think I've ever been more terrified of myself. We had 15 bullets to fire at the cutouts' heads. At the ominous order of "Esh!" ("fire!") I pulled the trigger. The first bullet rocketed through the air and hit the cutout on the neck. At that moment, my world changed. I didn't know what I was doing anymore, I couldn't see, couldn't think. All I knew was that I wanted the rest of the magazine out of the gun as quickly as possible. I fired aimlessly not caring where the rest of the bullets fell as fast as I could, then dropped the weapon. When I looked down, I could see my elbows nestled in a pile of shells, each staring at me, reminding me that what left them, left to take a human life. Under my earphones, I could hear the blurry orders of the Mefakedet Mem-Mem telling us to sit up and leave the shooting range. My friend told me to get up when I didn't stir, and I walked mindlessly out of the building and into the desert of Sde Boker. At the sound of the next group of shooters, I broke. Tears fell for 8 hours after that. Tears for the impact of what I had done, tears for what would have happened had the soldiers been real, tears for hypocrisy of me wearing an army uniform, tears for the promise I had broken. My Mefakedet carried my M-16 back to the base, as I couldn't keep from wanting to hurl at the sight of it. I knew I could never finish Marva after that. I could keep up physically, I could follow orders, I could deal with the food and the lack of sleep, but I would never feel comfortable morally on a military base ever again. Reading this, I realize these feelings may sound overly dramatic to many, but from my perspective, I don't see how they could possibly be any less insane than the excited cheers from many of my Tzevet (unit) members as they happily fired away in ecstasy. Who could ever be happy with the idea of using a machine whose only purpose of use and invention is to take lives?

That said, I am now back in Arad with an entirely new understanding of myself and about how hard it must be to be an Israeli my age. While I was waiting to go home, I talked with a Mefakedet (commander) about why I was choosing to leave. She told me she was the exact same way when she entered the army, but in her case, she didn't have the option to leave (for those who don't know, military service in Israel is mandatory). She told me that when she received her gun, and had to sleep with it under her pillow, she cried almost every night. Having been a "hippie" as she called it, the idea of serving in an army was unthinkable. The difference between us? As time went on, she realized that without the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces), there would be no Israel, which would be unthinkable considering what history has done to the Jewish people. For a moment, I paused and thought that maybe I was making the wrong decision by leaving. I knew she was right, after all. Israel would crumble within days if the entire army disappeared, and while in a dangerous situation, the arms of the Israeli army are only used to protect, never to act offensively. Then I realized, however, that there were other ways to serve this beautiful country I love so much. While the IDF is undeniably important to Israel's survival, so are volunteers! Teachers, doctors, everyday people also make Israel what it is and they keep it thriving. Not everyone is suited for the army, and that's okay because if everyone had the same personality, the world would be a miserable place. On the other hand, if everyone had the same personality, there might be no need for war...hmm... At any rate, I'm okay with being different and understanding myself well enough to know that it's not worth it for me to sacrifice my morals to complete a program I'm not enthusiastic about (even though I had previously convinced myself that I was).

Even though I was only there for four days, Marva taught me so much about myself and about Israel. I know I probably could have learned more, but I also feel that by being back in Arad, I can contribute to Israeli society in an even bigger way by bettering one of its most important developing cities. My homesickness is dissipating, I made the right decision, and I am more determined and motivated than ever. YES!

Volume Arad and a lot of Time to Contemplate

2009-10-08T17:12:00.000+02:00

This will be my last post for the next two to three weeks, as I will be starting my basic army training (Marva) this Monday!!!!!!!! More about that later though...

Last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, Arad played host to a historical cultural event! After 12 years, Volume Arad (aka The Arad Festival), the biggest music festival in Israel returned. First, some history: The Arad Festival has been a staple of Israeli cultural society for decades. It combines food, festivity, and music, and brings together the greatest bands in Israel for three days of concerts and celebrations. Unfortunately, 12 years ago, the concert got out of hand when three teenagers were trampled to death in a stampede to see the famous band, Meshina. Since then, funding for the festival was cut and for 12 years, the famous festival streets lay silent...BUT THIS YEAR IT RETURNED!!! This week, the usually quite and quaint streets of Arad were filled with people from all over the world, and music filled the air for 36 hours!

Admittedly, some of the hype turned out to be, well, hype, and we were disappointed for the first day or so, but once things got going, it was amazing! The last night was Woodstock reincarnated. Almost ever Year Courser went to a concert called Made in Israel and embraced the spirit of the night with singing and dancing and mayhem. It was a truly incredible.

After the festival, our Madrichim took us on an overnight camping trip in the desert culminating in a relaxing day on the beach. I loved it! It was the perfect way for everyone to be together before all the Marva kids head off to base. At the same time, it was a tad bittersweet. Even though I'm still making friends, it still feels strange to know that we're not spending the rest of this semester with the rest of Section 3. On the other hand, saying goodbye was also a little relieving, at least for me, because I'm hoping that Marva will give me a chance to become much closer to a small group of people, rather than feeling lost in the crowd.

After a long, late night conversation last night, I've come to a realization which I think will get me through this year with a lot more comfort and a lot less anxiety. Every past Year-Courser says that Year Course is the most incredible year of your life. Regardless of whether or not that's true, the fact is that it's a year of LIFE. Going on a summer program, or going on a study abroad program, while enlightening and fun, is not LIFE. At orientation, the director of Year Course told us that we were not on a study abroad program, we were in an Israeli immersion program. While I understood what he meant, I don't think the implications of it hit me until last night. For the first time since we arrived here, I don't feel the need to have a good time all the time because life isn't like that. Back home, there were great days and miserable days, people I loved and people I avoided, things I enjoyed and things that bored me, and times of elation and times of depression. I know now that it's okay for Year Course to be the same thing, and in fact, it SHOULD be the same thing. In my disillusionment, I came on Year Course expecting the excitement and constant joy and energy of my previous summer experience. Now, I know that that was ridiculous to expect! While seeming slightly obvious, this revelation has changed my opinion of Year Course and helped my general emotional turmoil so much. I can only hope that with this new knowledge, I can go forth into the rest of Year Course with a much more open and relaxed mind. I think I'm going to be okay.

The Many Uses of Duct Tape...

2009-10-03T15:42:00.000+02:00

1. Clean the sofa

2. Hang posters

3. Block toilet pipe leaks

4. Make funny mustaches on roommate's twilight poster...

5. Fix broken squeegee

6. Safely position incense

7. Hold lap-top charger together

8. Keep window open

9. Label bags

10. Make make-shift bandages (with toilet paper)

11. Keep bags closed

12. Decorate wall (with the bright pink tape, of course)

13. Fix broken cutlery

14. Keep the outlet covers on the walls...

15. Tape roommate to bed while sleeping

This is only in one month...

My goal is to have 100 uses by the end of Year Course. =D

Yom Kippur and Ever More Adjustments

2009-09-29T00:52:00.000+02:00

One day, teenagers like me will realize in the throws of senior year that no matter how independent, no matter how mad at the world, no matter how brave they may think themselves, the real world is nothing like their imagination. Money does not materialize when you want it, people hardly ever live up to your expectations, and despite popular belief, parents are not the evil beings they appear to be. That last one was especially hard for me to admit... (as Mark laughs at me wickedly in the background...). Most of all, high school drama does not end the minute you graduate, and in fact appears to intensify the first year out of high school. Hmmm....

Tomorrow marks exactly one month since we've been in Israel. Typing that statement in and of itself is mind blowing. Last summer when I was here for five weeks, one month seemed like a lifetime blown through in a second. Now though, knowing that this month was not an isolated experience, the feeling is very different. Knowing that I have eight months left to delve deeper into whatever this year may become, this one month marker is not the end of something incredible, but rather a milestone of completion. I feel satisfied and proud that I've lived on my own for a month with complete strangers in a foreign land, and I feel accomplished knowing that even though this last month has given me more hell and mayhem than my freshman year of high school, I'm through the tunnel and into the light and onward into Marva and the rest of this year of insanity.

I know I wrote about this in my last High Holy Days post, but I must reiterate how much I love and miss Kol Ami. Yom Kippur without music, without 9 hours in temple, and without the community that I love so much was actually unbearable. I'm not ashamed at all to admit that I cried my eyes out everyday this weekend from homesickness and nostalgia. Yes, I am a sap. Is that a problem? Being without roommates who cared about going to services, I ended up not going at all this year, which hurt a lot, but I think in a way it was a good thing because it reaffirmed that next year, no matter what, I will find a shul because I care about observing in a way that works for me (none of which includes sitting at home watching movies...). Nevertheless, I still fasted and prayed in my head which definitely gave me a taste of what I was craving.

I'll be posting again soon with details about Volume Arad and my masses of pre-marva thoughts. =D

Love,

Rachel

Hebrew Breakthrough!

2009-09-25T12:21:00.000+03:00

Today, my madrich sent me a text in hebrew and I could read and understand it!!!!!

Short post, but it made me very excited. =D

Rosh Hashanah

2009-09-18T00:36:00.000+03:00

Rosh Hashanah and Thanksgiving have a lot in common. I came to this realization at 4 in the morning the other night, when I couldn't sleep for the endless thought train blazing through my head. Truly though, my experiences with both holidays have always been marked with 3 classic bulwarks: eating three times my weight in the span of an hour, severe emotional turmoil, and somehow coming out the other side of the holiday with a new outlook on life.

This year, welcoming in the new year was especially hard. The High Holy Days with my Kol Ami family in Los Angeles are always an amazing experience. The music is glorious, my jewish pride overflows, and for the hours I spend in Shul, no matter how long the service gets, I can't imagine anywhere else I'd rather be. More than anything though, I love Rosh Hashanah back home because Kol Ami gave me an unwavering feeling of community that went so deep, that the thought of spending the New Year without it was almost unbearable. Being in Israel, I thought I might be able to overcome my severe case of homesickness and simply let the holidays sink in, but alas, I was wrong. Going to services and spending time with my friend Hodaya and her family was wonderful, but I couldn't shake the fact that something huge was missing. Sitting in the women's section in a strange, orthodox synagogue was enlightening, but held no sense of the community I longed for. Everyone seemed to drawl on with no regard for the people around them, there was almost no music, and by the time services were over, I felt exhausted and bored - a far cry from the elated feelings I was used to. Nevertheless, one thing did bring in the New Year at the end of the day; the inspiring sounds of the shofar. That moment was a true moment of realization. Hearing the tikiyot, it hit me that no matter where I went, no matter what country, or what kind of temple I found myself in, certain things link Jews all over the world. In those sounds, I was home. I could feel the comforts of home, the promises of tomorrow, and the lessons of the past surrounding me in the joy on every stranger's face at the modern recitation of those ancient sounds. In that moment, I remembered why I was in Israel. I came on Year Course for many reasons, but one of the biggest ones was my desire to feel immensely connected to Judaism (like I did on my last visit to the Holy Land). My Magein David has not left my neck in three weeks, and now I'm sure it won't be leaving for the next eight months.

Israeli mind set, traveling, and a general question of what the fuck am I doing here?!

2009-09-13T19:27:00.000+03:00

Third week has started and my second week blues are on the way out. Homesickness is a funny thing. I was convinced I wouldn't suffer from it before I left, even though I know myself to be nostalgic soul, and then I was frustrated when it finally hit me. I suppose that's natural though. Even without thinking about it, my tendencies have always been to flourish the first week away from home, running on adrenaline and new experiences, and then to have a mental break down during the second week, when the fears and doubts about being so far away from comfort finally creep into my psyche. It's essentially the emotional ride of going from "WOW, I'm here!" to "wow, I'm HERE..." There should be away to type emphasis to express exactly what the voice can convey.... sorry, side bar.

More and more, all of us are slowly becoming Israelis. I think it's definitely an improvement, since Israelis all go by the stereotypes that Americans are shallow, stupid, and (as far as the girls go) incredibly easy. Given the behavior of most of the girls on the program though, that last assumption might not be far off. Our most authentic Israeli experience, by far, has been getting onto a bus. Yes, something that simple can be that defining. In America, you wait by the bus stop, and when the bus comes, you form an orderly line and enter the bus one by one. In Israel, the concept of the "line" is a fairytale, and entering the bus one by one is just too comfortable for the average citizen. Waiting at the bus station in Be'er Sheva, we were surrounded on all sides by screaming Israelis, all yelling in hebrew at a bus that wasn't even there yet, and scrambling over our bags to get a spot in the front. Meanwhile, we were struggling to stick our heads out to find a tiny pocket of clean air to escape the masses of cigarette smoke (we failed). Then, the bus arrived. I have never seen so many people move in the same direction so fast. We had been in the middle of the crowd before the bus came, and in the span of three seconds we were left behind in the dust and had to wait for the next bus to come. This repeated twice more before a kind Israeli woman held the mass for us and let us through because we "poor americans were never going to get through on our own". Bless her.

This week, there was a general strike in the southern developing cities (i.e. Arad, Dimona, etc). Underrepresentation in the Kinesset led the mayors and governors of these cities to declare a two-day strike in order to gain lacking government funding. With the populations decreasing and the poverty increasing, many of these immigrant cities are turning to the Israeli government for help; they are not receiving much.

Generally, as far as Year Course goes, things are going well. It's incredibly hard at times, but I'm still glad I made the decision to come. It's difficult to be a shy, self-conscious person in a world of strangers, but the danger is thrilling, and I can already feel myself coming further out of my shell. This weekend is Rosh Hashanah, and I'm spending it up in Tel Aviv, the weekend after, I'm off to Eilat, and the weekend after that, I'm visiting Tel Arad. I love traveling.

All my love and more to everyone back home,

Rachel

And Now the Real Work Begins!

2009-09-06T01:00:00.000+03:00

I have now come to the conclusion that by the end of Marva, I will have cried every single day like a baby from a lethal combination of 9 hours of class a day, treking through Arad in 102 degree sun, and working my ass off in the beautiful, but exhausting Negev Desert. Nevertheless, I am enjoying the torture.

Arad remains an ever-growing mystery. It's a tiny city in comparison to Tel Aviv or Jerusalem, but it always seems bigger to me. There are so many different cultures living in around our apartment complexes, and there're always new people walking around. Established as an immigrant city, Arad serves as a bit of a middle ground between the incoming and the established citizens of Israel. Despite the fact that America is technically a "mixed salad" or "melting pot", I feel that it is horribly lacking in diversity compared to the different languages, clothes, and customs of the people of Arad. Just this week, we've met Russian, Polish, Sudanese, Ethiopian, Bedouin, German, and Egyptian immigrants. It's been fantastic! Taking an Israeli immigration class has definitely increased my appreciation for the stories behind people's journeys to Israel, especially of the Sudanese refugees. It's interesting to think about the locations of the different cultural communities throughout Israel and how time effects social status and political standing. For instance, the more urban, successful areas of Israel were originally created by extremely educated Russian immigrants (doctors, professors, etc), and now, those areas are still dominated by similarly educated cultures. In contrast, because Israel was not prepared to deal with most of the immigrants from Africa, they were shoved into small cities like Arad and Dimona, and were left to figure out life for themselves in a semi-modern world beyond anything they'd ever known. Between the short history of the modern state of Israel and the massive amounts of immigration waves, the line of "who's cleaning the floors" is certainly an interesting one to follow.

On the language side of things, my hebrew has improved so much! It's only three days into ulpan, but I'm feeling confident! Ani ohevet ivrit! Hopefully, I will be able to post more and more in hebrew as time goes on...

One of the downsides to doing Marva, however, is that I'm not volunteering these three months. Granted, I have more than enough on my plate, but I can't help feeling a slight yearning for the experience when I see my friends go off to tutor english, or work with the Sudanese, or work at Masada or Ein Gedi. I can't wait to start the actual Marva program!!! I want to do something besides sit in class all day and then sleep like a lazy bum! I have started running again though, so at least that's something.

I have a feeling I'm not making much sense any more, so I'm going to sign off for now. I miss everyone and I love you all!

Rachel

Needed: How to live in an apt in Arad for Dummies...anyone have one?

2009-09-03T00:45:00.000+03:00

Things that have been accomplished in the last two days:

-successfully bought groceries from completely hebrew-speaking clerks (who thought we were hysterical, by the way...)

-understood my medical insurance

-killed two monster roaches with the help of broom-wielding roommates

-signed up for classes!

-class one: ulpan (hebrew) 9-12

-class two: IDF the myth and the reality 1:30-3

-class three: immigration in israel 3:15-6

-discovered the very scary mold behind our refrigerator that we are now sure is going to come to life in the middle of the night and devour us...

-went out with friends to our first israeli bar (kinda sketchy down here, but it was awesome!)

-ate a much needed magnum ice cream bar =D

Arad is all around wonderful. The people are very nice, but not really sure why we would want to be down here. They keep saying they're sorry for us, hmmm...

Our apartment is in a really nice area, and we have a living room, a kitchen, two bathrooms, and three bedrooms. I really like it, and for six of us, it's pretty comfortable!

This first week has been crazed because of all the orientation meetings, but we'll be on a set schedule starting sunday, and I think that will make everyone much, much happier.

Marva, the Army training program, doesn't start until october, so no worries till then! I'll just be taking nice, safe classes for the next month and daring to learn how to use a mop.

I miss everyone a lot, but it's only the first week, so that's still normal, I guess.

CALL ME! My number is 011-972-052-609-2320 (this includes the country code and the area code, just dial exactly this!)

Love you all!

Rachel

Thoughts on Leaving

2009-08-30T19:02:00.000+03:00

Today is my last day in the US before I head out to Tel Aviv. Somewhat surprisingly, to me at least, my emotions are unbelievably mixed. During the months leading up to this trip, I've been nothing but excited and counting the days until I could step onto El Al flight #12. Now, though, I'm really overwhelmed with how big of a change this is all going to be. I'm still excited, don't get me wrong, but as I pack away my monstrous duffle bags, I'm realizing that I'm throwing myself into an immensely complex, uplifting, scary, hard, hilarious, and heartbreaking situation.

Amusing, considering a year ago today, I made the decision to apply for year course in about less than 5 seconds.

In watching my friends start their college experiences, I feel a slight pang of regret knowing I've chosen to put off that freshman panic; that I'm not one of the hundreds of excited college students flooding Target and Bed Bath and Beyond searching for the perfect dorm supplies. At the same time though, I'm reminded of why I made this decision in the first place, and I still stand by my reasons for doing so. The whole process of going through the school system and feeling the pressure to fit into the perfect American formula was almost unbearable for me. I was constantly worried about getting the right grades, having hundreds of extra curriculars, and getting into an Ivy League.

When I went to Israel last summer, though, I realized that I never wanted any of that. I wanted to travel, I wanted to meet people, I wanted to see anything I could that wasn't surrounded by McDonalds or Abercrombie and Fitch. Year Course was my ticket to experiencing a life outside of the giant pressure bubble I was so miserable living in. It was also a way to reconnect with Judaism in a way I haven't been able to do here in America. Besides being a beautiful country, Israel offers Jewish teens, like me, a constant community. There is no feeling more amazing than walking down a street and being invited into everyone's home for Shabbas, or bargaining in "ivrit" for a coveted "magein david" necklace.

I'm going to miss everyone back in America terribly, and I may even miss Los Angeles at times, but for everything I'm going to miss, I feel confident in saying that I'm going to be extremely happy in the year to come. I know I am making the right decision.

Lehitraot, chaverim!

(goodbye, friends!)

And an extra note if you're interested:

In the blogs to come, I may be using some unfamiliar terms. Here are some basics, so you can understand what the heck I'm talking about! =D

chanichim: participants or campers (that's ME!)

madrichim: counselors (they look after us when we get lost)

tzofim: israeli scouts (they'll be living with us)

marva: basic army training program

slicha: please/excuse me (not that this ever really works...)

haddasah: one of young judaea's partner programs, the main hospital in Israel

FZedY: the british form of young judaea (they're also staying with us)

zabim: turtles (i probably won't use this one, but it's melissa's favorite word)

Welcome to my blog!

2009-08-17T08:22:00.000+03:00

Shalom!

If you're reading this, it means that you're in America, and I'm missing you very, very much!

I haven't left yet, but I thought in my first post, I'd give a quick idea of what it is I'll actually be up to over the next year.

From September to November, I'll be staying at an Army Base called Sde Boker in the heart of the Negev desert. There, I will participating in a program called Marva, which is essentially a basic army training program, similar to what Israeli teens my age actually undertake when they leave high school. I'll also be taking A LOT of hebrew classes!

From December to February, I'll be volunteering and studying in Jerusalem. What each will consist of is still a mystery, but I'll be posting it soon enough! I'm unbelievably excited for this section, since I'll be spending both Channukah and Purim in the heart of the Jewish Community!

The first week of March, I'll be leaving Israel for a short period of time for a trip to study Jewish life and history in Poland. We'll be learning about village life prior to the mass Eastern-European migrations all the way up to the Holocaust and it's impact on Polish Jewish life.

For the rest of March until May, I'll be volunteering in Bat Yam, which is a small suburb outside Tel Aviv and taking more classes. Don't know what those are going to be either...

After Sikkum during the last week of May, I will probably be exploring Israel a little more, and then returning to the states to see all of you in early June!

Hope you enjoy the blog! There will be much to come!